48 hours sober
By lawrence
12/9/2010 11:33:40 AM
I was slipping back into denial. My acting out wasn't near the severity that it was before I began recovery, in fact it lacked the evil intent and fell more into the category of a not completely-cleanly broken habit. Nonetheless, it has all caused me to confess and forsake anew.

I have new definitions for sobriety. I am going with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints definition found in the pamphlet "Let Virtue Garnish Thy Thoughts:"

"Pornography depicts or describes the human body or sexual conduct in a way that arouses sexual feelings. It may be found in written material (including romance novels), photographs, movies, electronic images, video games, Internet chat rooms, erotic telephone conversations, music, or any other medium. It is a tool of the adversary."

In between slips I have witnessed miraculous tender mercies and been prompted by the Holy Ghost. I am learning to not expect perfection from myself.

I'll tell you how you can support me. Just cheer me on. Pray for me. Love me. I love all of you. Don't dwell on my past or judge me or remind me in any way how I am hurting my wife. This is obvious. Saying those things only punishes us in greater measure than we, the most severe punishers of ourselves already punish. My bishop and the Christ have already judged me, and I am happy and peaceful. I love my Savior and feel His unconditional love.

I am done analyzing the behavior. "Preoccupation with unworthy
behavior can lead to unworthy behavior." -Boyd K. Packer

I think sometimes we analyze and discuss the downs too much on this site. Like they say in the meetings, focus on the solution rather than the problem and don't go into graphic detail of acting out. However, I do love all of you and am very grateful for your fantastic insights and points of view. I often feel the Spirit here. I have given it all to God, and this time I really know the meaning of that. May my pride be peeled off like a snake skin every morning when I wake up.

Just help me cheer. WOO HOO! 48 hours! AWESOME DUDE! Good going!

I suppose you may beat me up if you feel inspired. This is just almost the happiest I have been in a long time. I feel so clean and so free from addiction. Just for today, I will be sober and happy and peaceful. Thank you God for taking over for me.


"48 hours is great. Congratulations!

You sound like you've had some really good insights. I agree with not needing people to punish us. We are very good at doing that all on our own. :) Keep up the good work. You can do this."
posted at 12:14:54 on December 9, 2010 by dstanley
"I've said before that you are an example to me and you are still. Your willingness and ability to continue the fight in the face of trials gives me hope and motivation.

You are making yourself more and more worthy of the companionship of the Spirit, and with him are allowing the Lord more and more into your life. I will continue to pray for you, your wife, and your family. Please do the same for me."
posted at 12:21:55 on December 9, 2010 by paul
"Love you Bro. (Brotherly)

Paul - same to you.

D - GREAT that you are still tugging away like all of us.


Beclean where are you when we need you most!"
posted at 13:54:26 on December 9, 2010 by ruggaexpat
"Keep surrendering it all to the Lord and let him win the fight, I think he has more expertise than all of us put together..


posted at 14:06:21 on December 9, 2010 by Anonymous
Angel could not have said it better this time of the year    
"Is that a Christmas time wooohooo
Santa has had a bit too much to sip on in his cold seat.
Thanks for giving me a good chuckle"
posted at 14:10:23 on December 9, 2010 by ruggaexpat
No Woohooo    
"Only cause my throat hurts, otherwise I would have lost my voice screaming hallelujah (maybe my job too, its bad to yell that loud in a call center).

Uber proud of you. Keep kicking satan's a**."
posted at 14:25:16 on December 9, 2010 by Preemie
way to go high fvie!!!!!!!!!!!1    
"way to go high five!!!!!!!!!!1"
posted at 14:30:03 on December 9, 2010 by Joshua
feels good    
posted at 14:56:48 on December 9, 2010 by lawrence
The Great Physician    
"I have come to the understanding that our Savior literally is also our great physician. Only he can offer remission from addiction. Just as a cancer patient hopes and prays for remission, so does the addict and his/her family. A day, 48 hours, a week, or a month without addiction is indeed cause for some serious WOOOOO-HOOOO's! Thanks for the reminder that even one day can make a huge difference."
posted at 15:10:43 on December 9, 2010 by loving wife
"Give me a L........LLLLLLLLL
Give me a A........AAAAAAAA
Give me a W........WWWWWWW
Give me a R........RRRRRRRR
Give me a E.........EEEEEEEE
Give me a N.........NNNNNNNNN
Give me a C..........CCCCCCCCC
Give me a E...........EEEEEEEEEEE
What's that spell? LAWRENCE!!!!!!!!!! What's that mean??????

posted at 15:31:17 on December 9, 2010 by Anonymous
busy hands are happy hands    
"Wow. I was so overwhelmed yesterday with so much stuff in my schedule. I hardly even had time to think of acting out. I'm on day three and celebrating. I am able to do this for two reasons. First, since I can't handle it at ALL, I've given the wheel to Jesus. Second, (I say this every day) I only need to make it through this one day, today. Thanks to all of you for your cheers and thanks to my Savior for helping me by snatching me out of the jaws of Hell over and over again."
posted at 09:01:05 on December 10, 2010 by lawrence
Great Job!    
"Keep fighting!!! This is possible."
posted at 12:20:53 on December 11, 2010 by mangaso
I screwed up - but I'm so happy.    
"Before, I could go 6, 8 months and stay sober, no problem. Now the clock is reset and I am working on day three. Friday I broke down like 10 minutes before my wife got home from work. What a waste! The good news is I came 100% clean to her on all of my "minor" (they are turning out to be major aren't they) slips over the last couple of months. She then understood the problem. She was thinking it was her. It was me. I ate humble pie. I do have a savior and it isn't my wife, but He works through her at times. I feel good. I think we are on a new beautiful road of recovery."
posted at 11:29:05 on December 13, 2010 by lawrence
Day Five    
"These five days have been almost the best in my life. This is true sobriety. I didn't know what it was before. I used to say I was sober. Dang, I must have only been abstinent, and very shaky at best."
posted at 10:34:22 on December 15, 2010 by lawrence
So Happy For You    
"I'm so glad you are doing so well. Keep going!"
posted at 23:17:26 on December 16, 2010 by dstanley
Day eight    
"This isn't easy. I am sober today, but only because of God my loving Heavenly Father. I give myself, my will, my life, and my mortal body (Romans 12:1) to Him. He takes much better care of me than I do of myself. I am learning to love myself. I have a ways to go on that. Romans 8:1-6, especially verse 5 have been a constant strength to me. I am still tempted every day. Sometimes I get much to close to the edge, not with chat or porn, but with M. I am glad I came clean with my wife., but selfishly wish that I could have just become this better person without her knowing, then the love would have continued. I know that is fantasy. My body is just too sensitive now. I've had it happen twice with no touching i wake in the night at the worst time in my dream and in a state of being almost there I can't explain the details, but we tried intimacy a couple days ago and it was over almost before it began, if ya know what I mean, which was disappointing, but even that I give to God. I can't see how I can make it any different next time if it is in a whole month, either. I am rambling. Sorry. 8 days, yay!

posted at 21:09:35 on December 18, 2010 by Lawrence
10 days    
"Going through the worst trial of our marriage. Just keep us in your prayers, as all of you are always in my prayers. I am sober today. I have given my life and my will to Him again this morning. Thank you Lord for being in charge."
posted at 08:58:47 on December 20, 2010 by lawrence
"Lawrence, you and your wife have been and will continue to be in my prayers and fasting. I hope His love and Spirit will be with both of you in these hard times."
posted at 10:31:34 on December 20, 2010 by paul
"Congrats on the 10 days. You are always in my prayers."
posted at 12:48:33 on December 20, 2010 by dstanley
"Stay humble, honest, and faithful. God knows your heart. Trust in him. He will help you. Maybe not in the way you hope for, but he always makes all things right so you can make things right."
posted at 13:06:50 on December 20, 2010 by Anonymous
11 days    
"I hope this doesn't become redundant. On the other site, it was easy to lose interest in the posts that just counted days, but I need it at the moment. Thanks for your prayers. I love you all. I am sober today. I have given my whole soul to the Lord today, my life, my will, my entire body."
posted at 08:53:07 on December 21, 2010 by lawrence
Counting Days    
"If counting days helps, then come here and count away. :)"
posted at 13:38:32 on December 21, 2010 by dstanley
I appreciate the reminder...    
"of turning your life, will, and soul over each day. Count on...

I hope today is going better for you and your family at home."
posted at 13:42:40 on December 21, 2010 by paul

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"The solution to this problem ultimately is neither governmental nor institutional. Nor is it a question of legality. It is a matter of individual choice and commitment. Agency must be understood. The importance of the will in making crucial choices must be known. Then steps toward relief can follow."

— Russell M. Nelson