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Curious-
By angelmom
12/8/2010 3:45:47 PM
My Husband was told during a church meeting that Utah is # 1 in America for Pornography usage. I am aware that not everyone on this blog lives in Utah, but most here are LDS. The stats on sex industry usage are staggering and I am curious.

Feel free to post as anon, as these are very personal questions. Was all that you accessed free of charge? Did you pay? How much (estimates okay) would you say you have spent over the lifetime of your addiction? This includes anything related. Strip clubs, prostitutes, pay per view, hotel, etc. I have read of addicts losing their home and all earthly possesions. Has this happened to anyone on this blog?

Thanks in advance for sharing.

Love,
Angel

Comments:

For me    
"All free, I did not pay for it, I certainly paid a massive price in other terms."
posted at 16:11:18 on December 8, 2010 by ruggaexpat
If you include    
"the money I've lost in earning potential I estimate in the last 4 years i've lost between half a million and 3 quarters of a million dollars...i try not to think about it.

If you pay for porn on the internet you're a rookie according to my understanding. Unless you're video chating, dating or stuff like that. I've spent probably less then 50 dollars.

Almost forgot phone lines, though I haven't been into those for a few years now, probably cost me around 3 or 4 thousand maybe even more I might be surprised. From 97ish to 07ish

Cable and such. Mmm id estimate around a thousand.

Porn shops/dvd etc. Around a thousand. Maybe more. Maybe less. I always figure i'd be surprised that its way more then I thought. So yeah. Somewhere round about there.

There are also the herpy huts (don't have um in utah). They are video arcades. Put in a few dollars watch some porn. Hellish places. Hellish places! Holes in the walls and all. Nauseating. Done those all over the county (only when desperate). But only a few times per place. Uhck dark places. Worse feel then strip clubs in a way. Probably spent under 300.

First time I went to a strip club was september 2008 since then probably spent over ten thousand dollars on stripers.

Met with escorts twice. 650."
posted at 16:20:00 on December 8, 2010 by They speak
Oh and lets not forget    
"All the money on alcohol I have to spend to numb out the reality of "hey ya creep you just went a herpy hut where perverts try to look in on you through the wall if your not careful!"

Probly tag on a thousand in the last year or so...maybe more come to think."
posted at 16:32:04 on December 8, 2010 by They speak
Cost For Me    
"I have spent $0 on pornography. Paying for it felt like crossing a line... sounds stupid I know. But that is the truth. I have never been to a strip club, prostitute, no pay-per-view(s), no internet subscriptions.

But the cost... is infinite. What is lost, money could never buy. Again, sounds stupid, but it hurts when you realize the true cost of your short sightedness and sins.

I should add. I'm not in Utah."
posted at 16:45:02 on December 8, 2010 by paul
I recall    
"somewhere - someone discounting that finding. I'm gonna have to do some digging.
4"
posted at 19:44:29 on December 8, 2010 by Anonymous
Stats    
"If you have ever read Freakenomics, it opens your mind to the fact that stats are subjective.

There were a bunch of stats he learned about. The meeting was actually a Missionary Prep class he attends with some of my boys.

Either way, I am interested in knowing what the addicts on this blog experience. It is easy to count numbers when money is involved, but when it isn't, how do they know? The do a lot with andoid functions these days, maybe that is part of it.

Thanks for everyones honesty. Keep the answers coming in.

Angel"
posted at 21:40:59 on December 8, 2010 by Anonymous
it is still a loss no matter how u slice it    
"I got my stuff for free it has gone as far as internet porn and one of the girls that I went out with when i was 18 letting me touch her a little. for me paying for it felt over the line but after i felt that way I thought to myself why pay for soemthing u can get for free plus paying for something left more tracks on ur pc to get worms, trojans, etc was my way of thinking plus a bit of me didn't want my wife to know what was going on in the beggining and i certaintly didn't want my son to accidently click on the history and click on a web page i have been viewing and I haven't lost any earthyl possesions except I am pretty sure me being late for an interview due to me indulging as probably a factor on why i didn't get the job and it was a really good job too piad like 27$/hr after 3 months"
posted at 22:07:40 on December 8, 2010 by Joshua
Never spent a cent.    
"It's all available for free online. I'm a financial freak and would never waste my money on that. Time and life, yes. Money, no!"
posted at 23:36:04 on December 8, 2010 by BeClean
Pretty Cheap until rehab    
"The only money I've spent on my addiction was a little at adult shops a few times probably less than a couple hundred. My big expense has been trying to recover. I was in rehab for about 3 months which wasn't cheap. My insurance paid 80% I think, but I still took out a loan against my 401K and my house. I've also been paying for an addiction counselor and LifeStar. I'm sure my addiction didn't make me the best employee which probably cost me promotions. I agree that there's plenty out there that's free, and as a woman, there's really no need to pay for anything."
posted at 02:11:34 on December 9, 2010 by dstanley
it all adds up    
"Never really thought until now. I did mostly free porn online. Paid for some custom made videos from a young guy. I added data plan to my phone probably just for the porn. Before cell phone popularity, I bought calling cards for phone sex. Before digital cams, I paid for rolls of film and expensive one hour developing many times. I bought toys from adult sex shops, and always destroyed them, then later bought the exact same type of thing. Used coins in "herpy huts" in hundreds of dollars. Bought a few magazines. Paid for admission to water parks and gyms and public swimming pools for subtle exhibition and voyeurism. Maybe a hundred massages. I am probably between $10 and $20,000, and that is using nearly all free internet porn and chat and email. Paid for hundreds in clothing and underclothing for acting out and trying on fetishes."
posted at 10:06:14 on December 9, 2010 by Anonymous
Bad Research    
""The only research that indicates Utah is number one for pornography addiction was conducted by Benjamin Edelman at Harvard University. You can see his study at this link

( http://www.people.hbs.edu/bedelman/papers/redlightstates.pdf )

Personally, I don't think his study is conclusive at all because he based his entire study on data recieved from only one pornographic website. His sample size is also inadequate because he only looked at two zip codes from each state (and one of the zip codes for Utah happened to be the dorms at the University of Utah, does that sound like a good representation of Utah? ). The biggest reason his research is not scientifically sound is because the difference in money spent on pornography per capita in the data groups is not statistically significant (p<0.05). If you look at the raw data, you'll see that Utah, the highest state, is only a few percentage points higher than Montana, the lowest state.

His study received attention from the media simply because it is sensational, not because it provides any worthwile evidence. I mean, come on, think about it! Do you really think that more money is spent per capita in Utah on porn than in California? Can you try and suggest how that would even be possible?

All that being said, the only money I've ever spent on my addiction has been on recovery books and therapists :)""
posted at 12:30:46 on December 9, 2010 by ette
Ette,    
"We're pretty virtuous here in Califronia. Don't let Hollywood fool you."
posted at 13:20:29 on December 9, 2010 by Anonymous
Broke my heart for free    
"I know this question was more directed toward the one involved with pornography. But it was one of the questions that I asked my husband…but honestly the answer wouldn’t make me feel better (or worse) either way. My husband told me that he never spent any money accessing pornography. So breaking my heart, and losing his comfortable life…Free. But unbreaking my heart and getting his life back…is costing thousands…dr appointments, medicine, therapy sessions, books on healing, DVD’s on healing, cds on healing. It’s pretty expensive. It’s something that neither of us wants to spend money on, but we have to get better, and a lot of those resources (not all) cost money. Even the gas to get us to the free recovery meetings the church provides adds up (we don’t live in Utah, and the closest meeting is pretty far away).

I think if the financial price tag of what this was really costing him was attached to any of the images he was viewing…I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t have done it (he’s very careful with his finances, wish he would have been that careful with me).

Him spending money on pornography wouldn’t have hurt me anymore…money or lack of money really can’t hurt me, but the infidelity (no matter how financially inexpensive) is where the real pain is. It’s been said but the eternal losses are priceless. "
posted at 13:43:00 on December 9, 2010 by summer
Study    
"Ette: I would like to see a real study. I wondered where those number's came from. Either way we know it is a problem everywhere. In the church we tend to justify. You know, I take 30 Lortab a day and the Dr. gave them to me, but I live the Word of Wisdom. I look at porn, but I am not a breaking Temple covenents because it was not a live person. I feel that in many ways the leadership helped on that one because they just don't see it the same way. The world and non religious people don't ncessarily have the shame associated with Porn that we do, but they are not exempt from addiction and breaking their wives hearts. The justifications for sin are endless for sure.

Summer: My husband never paid either. I am seeing a mindset that somehow that meant they did not cross a certain line. More justification. I hate that this happpened, but I am liking who I am becoming and who he is becoming through this refining process. It took this for him to realize who he really is and what he really did. We wives certainly have a new and often secret life we are living. One we never would have wanted, but here we are, no going back now. Welcome all to crossing the plains. Frostbite and Indians sometimes looks like a better option at times.

Angel"
posted at 14:00:57 on December 9, 2010 by Anonymous
Angel    
"I think the study Ette provided was "real," by a Harvard professor, but with the caveats that Ette so wonderfully described.

I think you are right, Angel, that there is a Mormon mindset that allows pornography--it's not illegal AND it's "free." How can you beat that for sin? Plus, there are no governmental studies or warnings saying, "This will give you cancer."

Furthermore, the beast has control of this one, and he's really going after the Saints with it. It's a GODLY desire/appetite/passion gone wrong. It's easy to convince the "good guys" to fall for this one, because it can be done very privately (no other saints or sinners have to know), "without hurting anyone" (yeah, right!), and because they are just acting on their natural, god-given desires.

No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. Perhaps Mormons make this mistake (and become addicted to it in large numbers) because they told themselves as very little kids that they would NOT, under ANY circumstances, EVER make mistakes involving cigarettes or alcohol. Adults told them to stay away from that stuff when they were little, and they understood the prohibition. Adults never told them to stay away from pornography, and even if they did, they probably wouldn't have understood what the problem (or the attraction) was.

Perhaps non-Mormons do not make this mistake such a big part of their life because they have so many other mistakes that take up their time :)--and because they don't see this as being a big enough mistake to "count," so they have to find another one. I know that if I hadn't focused so much on this mistake, I never would have become so addicted to it. Non-members don't focus so much on this mistake. They shrug it off realizing that we all make mistakes."
posted at 19:01:28 on December 9, 2010 by beclean
$75,000+    
"Porn $500, Strip Clubs $500, Escorts $75,000, Time wasted years. I was searching for something that wasn't, still not sure why when I had the Gospel, Perfect Wife and Kids at home."
posted at 21:33:04 on December 9, 2010 by Anonymous
$75,000+    
"Porn $500, Strip Clubs $500, Escorts $75,000, Time wasted years. I was searching for something that wasn't, still not sure why when I had the Gospel, Perfect Wife and Kids at home."
posted at 21:33:10 on December 9, 2010 by Anonymous
That is way to assuming Beclean    
"Non members do focus on this because it is tearing their families apart also. LDS culture does not hold the white flag alone here. It is a world of polluted airways, Internet and homes. If anything the LDS culture is not talking and doing enough outside of the ARP community.

This is uncomfortable to talk about in Relief Society, Priesthood and YM and YW many of us sit there and do not say a word if the subject is brought up. Those of us who have studied and know why it is so addictive, destructive and know this new super power is not the tepid pictures although destructive of the past. Those pin up models that were so vulgar.

I have heard of a few exceptions where leaders step up and take preventive action. but as a whole we are not talking except on this very safe media blog, without faces and many anon posters at that.

The Mistake is not the focusing on the Mistake. The Mistake is the Mistake and what that Mistake causes to happen in our body that the Lord intended to happen. The very reason why we cannot just NOT focus on it. Every human has this response and it is not exclusive to the LDS culture and beliefs. I would say the whole Judeo- Christian populace as a whole struggle with this as do the Muslims.

A recent trip to Egypt and Jordan was revealing to me because each mud hut in the most poverty stricken area had a satellite dish or two on top. The guides commented that the leaders are saying these satellites are destroying what culture still exists. Of course they blame the West for this.

I would love to be called as a YW President again. Serve in the Stake Relief Society again over teaching. I would not back down from the protective and informative information that needs to be discussed openly and frankly on this subjest. And every chance I get I will.

HERO (you know Weiss's Girl) cannot log on anymore as BYOUROWNHERO ????? I'll settle on a new name soon."
posted at 00:18:31 on December 10, 2010 by Anonymous
Revelation 17    
"The Porn found on the interet is what is being addressed here. The Whore who sits upon many waters.

We are in deep trouble us people on the earth, no matter our belief. Satan wants it all. He hates us and he wants our the sacred gift given from our Father in Heaven, our sex. :(

Love,
Angel"
posted at 01:13:11 on December 10, 2010 by Anonymous
Can I choose your new name!??    
"Sister Maybaleen Francis the 3rd!..i don't know that's just the first name that popped in my head. Egypt? Lucky duck. Hey! You could be Egypt? Or Egyptus. Or Osiris!"
posted at 01:37:47 on December 10, 2010 by They speak
Thanks for the laugh!    
"Speak you should pick it out. I would be honored. Good night : )

HERO"
posted at 02:36:35 on December 10, 2010 by Anonymous
Hero    
"I wrote my last post to you before I read this one to me. Thanks for this one, too.

My "opinion" on this page is a complete guess, unfounded on anything except the unproven assumption that people in Utah struggle more with porn than anywhere else. IF that is true, then my guess is a valid...guess (and your statement doesn't help explain that phenomenon). However, in the more likely event that Utah does NOT struggle with porn more than anywhere else, my statement is completely false, and yours is the better explanation of life.

I'm going with your statement. I like it better, Weiss girl. (Why don't you use that for a name? :) And why can't you login?)"
posted at 09:47:47 on December 10, 2010 by BeClean
Does hair count?    
"There wasn't much investment in materials for my husband, but this has cost him much in other ways: spent thousands and thousands on education that he never has used , gone through unemployment twice, and it has cost me health and hair---no joke! Has anyone else lost hair over this? So stressful. Now that he is healing, he is more motivated and sees the confidence this addiction takes from you... The cost for us is due to the lack of motivation in good things and belief in self, if that makes sense."
posted at 00:45:50 on December 11, 2010 by enough
Productivity    
"Absolutely the loss of productivity is catastrophic! Loss of time in every aspect of life. Family, church, work, education, spiritual, emotional.......The human potential when it is paired with the free spirit is limitless. When the spirit is bound through sin our potential suffers because our godly DNA lined spirit cannot shine free and clear.

The flip side of this is the promise of the increase of blessings 7x7 multiplicity of multiplicity of blessings for keeping the commandments. We have such a loving forgiving Father in Heaven who makes good on his promises.

I give thanks!"
posted at 01:18:53 on December 11, 2010 by Hero
Question on log in???    
"About the same time I was receiving strong criticism for what many considered my constant sales pitch..of Dr. Evil, (thanks Rugga) I could not access my posts by clicking on my name? Would just get (critical error??). Next when I would try to log in as I had been doing for months my login would not be accepted? I tried to contact Derik a couple of times but those emails where returned undeliverable. I hope it was a coincidental. I was feeling persecuted I must say. So I am now Hero."
posted at 01:47:45 on December 11, 2010 by Hero


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"Now brethren, the time has come for any one of us who is so involved to pull himself out of the mire, to stand above this evil thing, to “look to God and live” (Alma 37:47). We do not have to view salacious magazines. We do not have to read books laden with smut. We do not have to watch television that is beneath wholesome standards. We do not have to rent movies that depict that which is filthy. We do not have to sit at the computer and play with ographic material found on the Internet."

— Gordon B. Hinckley

General Conference, October 2004