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Scared
By stephen99
11/30/2010 12:59:16 AM
Thank you for the comments that were made it make me feel a lot better knowing that someone is in the same situations. I'm afraid though, i,m scared that i will fall back into the same routine. I feel i have been here before and nothing is different. And he thing that scares me the most is that the desire to change has become less and less. I didn't even cry with my wife this time when she found me out. I feel like my prayers are sincere but in vain. I remember when i could feel the spirit preparing for my mission was a great time I want to make it back to that feeling. I am considering asking my bishop to take away my temple recommend so i have a goal to reach. But what if i don't reach that goal. I had a few temptations today that i overcame but nothing huge.
I listened to Elder Hollands takl about addiction and he said that the pleasure center of the brain can take command of the other parts and you will do things you know to be wrong. I feel that way every time i relapse the feeling that i know it's wrong but i still do it. I hope that the meetings on Wednesday will help.

Comments:

Scared    
"It is good to be scared. You should be scared. Scared enough to have the desire to go straight. Go to the meetings. Your bishop should take your recommend away. Lust and acting on those lusts is a breaking of covenants. But, I am not the judge ! I am thankful I am not the judge."
posted at 01:49:35 on November 30, 2010 by Anonymous
I get scared sometimes too    
"Two of my goals are getting to go to the temple for the first time (I'm a recent convert) and getting healthy enough to date again. When I've had a significant period of recovery I feel good about reaching them, but otherwise I worry. I think that the fear of not succeeding with recovery helped keep me stuck in my last relapse. I think it's normal to fear that this time will be like every other time, and maybe it will be, but you don't know until you try. Don't let that fear keep you stuck. Look at what you've done before and make sure that this effort is different. Going to the meetings and working the steps is one way this time will be different. Are you sure your desire is less? I think coming here shows you have desire. Feeling like your prayers are in vain doesn't make you less sincere. Your prayers aren't in vain. Not crying doesn't even mean your desire is less. If you really think your desire is less, pray for more desire. It's OK to want to want to change. Alma 32:27-43 talks about starting with a desire. I too am surprised your bishop hasn't taken your recommend, but I agree that he's the judge. You still have a goal to reach. Staying sober is a goal. Being the husband your wife deserves is a goal. I'm familiar with that feeling too. I'm sure we all are. We know it's wrong. I hope that the meetings will help you. Keep trying and keep posting."
posted at 03:32:30 on November 30, 2010 by dstanley


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