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Where do you go when you have no where else to go?
By britta
11/28/2010 10:03:56 AM
I havent been on in a while and i've been doing really well and havent done anything in forms or relapsing but now i have a different problem....my family..

I feel like nothing I do is ever good enough for them...I'm taking 15 credits next semester and my mom yells at me for it...doesnt support the classes im taking and im taking some hard classes and then a couple elective classes and she keeps nagging on me on why i am taking the elective classes instead of focusing on all hard classes....and my classes this semester i have a B and a C and she keeps nagging on my on why i dont have A's. I understand that the C could be better but im proud of the B...but she isnt..

Then my dad, I work at a job that gives me hardly any hours so i had to (for the first time since being on my own) ask for $40 thats it! its not like i asked for $600 i asked for $40...and he had a cow over that...just a freakin cow...then today, i apparently read the schedule wrong at work and thought i worked sunday not saturday.....well i was on schedule for saturday....but they never called saying hey are you coming where are you and i mean i guess they dont have to thats not their responsibility so i got my first no call no show at work and my dad ripped me a new one about how im not responsible and that i dont take this seriously and how im never at work...not good enough....

So now i just turn to my Heavenly Father and ask Him what to do....cause no one else is telling me, not even myself....

what do i do now?

Comments:

Sorry    
"I'm so sorry you're having that experience with your parents. I had a similar experience growing up with my mom. Anything that wasn't an A wasn't good enough, and while she was right that I could have been a straight A student it wasn't helpful that all of the focus was on the grades that weren't As, and no credit for the ones that were. I'm sure it has contributed to my feeling like I have to be perfect to be good enough.

I'm not sure what to tell you to do. It somewhat depends on how much support your parents are giving you right now. If they're paying for college and/or providing a place to live, they probably have more room to comment than if they aren't. Prayer is definitely a good start.

Hang in there, and keep up the sobriety."
posted at 10:59:32 on November 28, 2010 by dstanley
...    
"they arent really paying for anything. i pay my own rent and my dad only co signed for my schooling but the loan is in my name and they dont help out with anything else....my car is paid and im on my own phone plan and everything. i clean their house every week to get some extra cash but other than that, that is the only money i have had to ask for since being on my own.

its just hard because it shows me like it shows you that you have to be perfect in order for it to be enough and im not perfect so it isnt enough...

they expect so much out of me but my sister, they dont expect anything out of her because she never got good grades so as long as she passed they didnt care....

even at the house, im the only person in my whole family that goes to church and i tried to serve a mission but had to come home for medical reasons...well if i dont go to church one week its like the whole world is crashing under us...if i dont want to say a prayer at family dinner they like freak out...but none of them pray....none of them go to church or even want to for that matter....i feel like my life has to be a secret from them....i have never told them any of the "sins" i have done....no way they would disown me but its not a shock coming from my sister...they even do some of the things i do and its ok for them but if i told them i did it...oh my gosh the world would end....

i just hate it...they expect so much out of me but yet they dont do it in return...

its to the point were i think im gonna be one of those lady's that never call their parents...the ones that sends them to a nursing home and then never visits them...i just cant stand the constant guilt...."
posted at 12:07:35 on November 28, 2010 by britta
I can so relate    
"It's hard, but try and remember that you don't have to be perfect to be enough. Your parents may think you do, but you don't. You're enough just the way you are. Thankfully our Heavenly Father isn't like our earthly parents. He loves us the way we are. He wants us to do our best, but he doesn't expect us to be perfect.

Since they're not paying for anything, do you have to let them know your grades etc? I don't know what else you can do other than praying and reminding yourself that your parents aren't perfect either. I've had to accept that my mom probably isn't going to change anytime soon. We've reached a point where we just don't talk much about certain things. She was very upset when I joined the church. None of my siblings go to church at all, yet she's on me for being LDS.

I feel for you. It's hard when our parents aren't the way we'd like them to be, when we can't go to them for support.

Maybe someone else on here has some more ideas. Hang in there, and keep us posted. Keep up the good work on the addiction front."
posted at 19:52:54 on November 28, 2010 by dstanley
Hold To The Rod    
"Dear Britta,

It is amazing that you are staying sober through all of this. Wow!!!!This is great!!!!!!!

It is often the case that when people are unhappy, it seems as though they project themselves onto others. I know you are in so much pain and the world does not make sense. Here you are trying to do all that you now to be right and the people who should be your strength are not. Instead they are telling you that you are not good enough. This is a lie. Their treatment of you is an excuse for them not standing up and living the life they know they should. Really they are scared of you ending up like them.

Having said all of that, they are your parents. Please start praying for them. Please pray that their eyes will be opened. You never know how that prayer will be answered, but it will. In the meantime, maybe you can start looking for another place to live. My son pays his own way in the world. I worry about him and I love him very much, but I really have no say about his life choices because he is an adult . I am not sure if you feel that is something you can do, but your current situation and environment sounds difficult spiritually and emotionally.

keep dropping to your knees. No matter how bad my life becomes, I always have my Father in Heaven. And, I believe one of the reasons I have such a strong relationship with the Lord is because I never really had family to lean on. You are stronger and more powerful than you can imagine. The same is true for all of God's children.

Know that you are cared for and loved. The people on this blog are just that way. It is so strange to say this, but I feel the love of complete strangers and it stands as a Testimony that we are all connected through God and that he sends his love back to us in the most unexpected ways.

Hold on to the iron rod. Pray without end and he will give you rest... I promise.

Love,

Angel"
posted at 00:57:05 on November 29, 2010 by angelmom


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"Don’t live your life in despair, feeling sorry for yourself because of the mistakes you have made. Let the sunshine in by doing the right things—now. It may be difficult to begin, but pick up the scriptures and immerse yourself in them. Look for favorite passages. Lean on the Master’s teachings, on His servants’ testimonies. Refresh your parched soul with the word of God. The scriptures will give you comfort and the strength to overcome. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990