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Honesty and Setting Boundaries
By angelmom
11/28/2010 12:30:57 AM
I met some beautiful sisters at my meeting tonight and mentioned that I would post my email address on this blog so that they could contact me ...Here ya go myangelmyfriend@gmail.com

We have been working on my Husband's porn problems off and on for soooo long.

Through much time on my knees, my turning point came when I was ready to be honest with myself about what was happening to my family and to me because of my husband's addiction. I had to stop minimizing. It was so hard to face the truth. I pushed it away so much so that, like all in denial, I could not see it. Even thought I would not see it, it was still the truth, and the truth was there and not going away. I knew that seeing the truth meant action and I did not want to face action.

It was when I was finally ready for the "real truth" that it came to me. I learned that the Lord is so kind and loving that he will only give us what we are ready to receive, and I was ready. Based upon this truth, I was scared like never before because I needed to start setting boundaries, and I had never set boundaries before. I knew that I just could not allow this anywhere my home anymore. For the first time, through prayer, I told my husband that we may need to separate. I could not believe I was even thinking this. I could not imagine my future without my husband in it. A million "what ifs", were floating through my mind. At the same time and based upon the truth, I decided that I will not allow this evil to permiate my home in any matter. I was seeing the effect upon my family and I decided that this must end.

Heavenly Father sets boundaries and he makes the consequences very clear. In the garden, when He said if you eat the fruit of the tree, you shall die, he meant it. So, when Adam and Eve partook of the forbidden fruit, guess what? They died, or in other words, life as they knew it ended. He did not just give them a pass and another chance. That was it, they were cast out and the rest is history.

I believe that our Father in Heaven taught us all something about limits and boundaries. For me, that something was that I must set boundaries or rules to protect myself and my family. Setting boundaries does not mean that I do not love my husband. It means that I do love him and I am going to stop giving him a pass for evil behavior. A scarry step for me, but a necessary one.

He has since "stepped up" and we are setting more boundaries based upon our situation. Yes, he is making amazing progress, but my boundaries are still in place and solid. We will be working on setting more of them together because it is necessary.

I am seeing healing for both him and myself like I have never seen. There is a special peace in our home I have also never seen. His humility has brought us here and our boundaries will keep us here.


Angel

Comments:

What?    
"You are doing so well, and are separating? Makes no sense! "
posted at 16:50:00 on November 28, 2010 by Anonymous
Anonymous?    
"I actually read it to mean - that the separation on the table was the beginning to her real truth. Later she said,
"He has since "stepped up" and we are setting more boundaries based upon our situation. Yes, he is making amazing progress, but my boundaries are still in place and solid. We will be working on setting more of them together because it is necessary."

So to me that means - boundaries are still in place and being adjusted according to circumstance - but also that there is much progress. The "awakening" provides a jumping board to go up from.
Angel. You have blessed our lives because of you and especially your husbands sharing. I am so very thankful things are rolling out the way they are for your family. Your marriage. We are cheering you both on.
4"
posted at 19:40:09 on November 28, 2010 by Anonymous


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"If it were possible to make your road very easy, you wouldn’t grow in strength. If you were always forgiven for every mistake without effort on your part, you would never receive the blessings of repentance. If everything were done for you, you wouldn’t learn how to work, or gain self-confidence, or acquire the power to change. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990