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How I’m Learning to Help My Wife Heal
By BARM
11/24/2010 2:03:02 AM
This past week I experienced an epiphany where my thoughts and my heart changed toward my wife and my situation. For over 20 years I have struggled off and on with an addiction to pornography and masturbation. I thought it was my problem to deal with – I’d go to the Bishop to repent, more or less do what I was told (read scriptures more, pray more, serve more) and white knuckle my way for days or weeks or even months of sobriety before falling again.

Over the years I sank deeper and deeper into depression as I became increasingly despondent over my addiction. This past spring my loving wife found out about and suggested we start attending the LDS AR meetings. This began my journey toward healing, although at the time I had mixed feelings of hope and skepticism. Because I was not completely convinced, nor completely engaged, I eventually crashed, ending 6 months of sobriety. My wife kept learning about my addiction, slowly feeding me information to help me understand and always encouraging me to work on my recovery. Looking back I realize that the Lord was preparing my heart, line upon line, precept upon precept for what was about to happen.

Around this time my wife learned about a unique therapist that was having great success helping addicts to heal. I was mentally, emotionally and spiritually exhausted from white knuckling my way through life with frequent crash and burn episodes. My wife was exhaused from years of pain because of my addiction. I was ready to do anything and felt that I needed to attend a 3 day intensive session with Dr. Doug Weiss; he called it straight, expected total honesty and provided me with specific tools to help me overcome my addiction through the grace of God.

My epiphany came over a 48 hour period as I finished my 3rd day with Dr. Weiss and then returned home to share my experience with my wife. There were two things that came very strongly to me through the Spirit: (1) I had been terribly selfish through all these years of addictive behavior, and (2) the pain I had caused my wife was beyond my ability to comprehend.

In an instant, my entire perspective changed toward my life, my addiction and my wife. It was no longer about me. An overwhelming recognition of the depth and breadth of pain I had caused my wife through over 20 years of marriage to an addict burned through my consciousness. My soul was racked with this recognition – my wife had suffered unspeakable pain year after year after year. In my selfish and addictive state, I had given her lip service, but I had never truly given her my heart. I had always held back some – saving a portion for my addiction and self indulgence. All the while she loved me and sacrificed her whole heart for me. And I didn’t deserve her.

The catalyst for this epiphany was watching a new DVD by Dr. Weiss titled, “How to Help Your Wife Heal”. In it, he starts by explaining how she feels - the overwhelming pain of how the addiction hurts her with this ultimate betrayal of trust, then takes you thorough the stages or grief, the anger she will feel and how you can heal your marriage by being sober and helping her through the healing process by giving up yourself for her.

I’ve got a long way to go as I try to understand all these things I’ve learned. I can tell you that my relationship with my wife has completely turned around. However, I can testify that this works. I have experienced a mighty change of heart and my relationship with my wife has become better than it has ever been. We are healing together.

NOTE:
I have edited this post and removed subsequent posts containing my personal notes from watching Dr. Weiss' DVD on "How to Help Your Wife Heal". Although the notes are mine, the content belongs to Dr. Weiss. He has spent over 20 years helping addicts and loved ones heal. After careful consideration, I thought it was best to remove my notes and encourage those who want to know more to watch the video in order to really understand Dr. Weiss' message first hand. You can order this new DVD from his website. I apologize if this has caused any inconvenience. Thank you!

Comments:

Please don't wait too long to explain the 2 different approaches.    
"Thanks Barm. I'm ready to heal, and have a wife of 22 years who's so ready for me to "get it" so she can also begin to heal."
posted at 02:24:28 on November 24, 2010 by mangaso
your not related    
"...to Angelmom are you?

Looking forward to your posts my friend. Heard lots about this Doug character. Maybe you can convince me of his services.

I'm really stoked you 2 (if you are Angels fella) are communicating! 3 cheers"
posted at 02:28:21 on November 24, 2010 by They Speak
Wow great stuff    
"Thanks BARM. I can relate big time, I agree with all there is there. The spirit has helped me understand to some degree the magnitude and I will never ever be able to fully understand the pain I caused her. I have never seen it as shooting her with an UZI. That is exactly what this is about now. It is a bloody mess (pun intended and keeping with the analogy) to clean up.
I look forward to te approaches, I need practical advice from all quarters to be a real man for a change."
posted at 08:52:01 on November 24, 2010 by ruggaexpat
Pain    
"Ironically, pain is the healer. I was not ready to begin this healing process until I started to realize the extrodinary pain I have caused my wife, year after year of our marriage. This realization caused my heart to melt - and I didn't even know it was frozen, I was so out of touch with my own feelings. For me, this first step was critical to begin my personal healing. It is taking time and patience to put off the old man (selfishness) and put on the new man (selflessness), but my wife and I feel we are on the fast track to healing. I can't believe it's taken me over 20 years to get this! I feel so stupid! But now I have hope this can be fixed and our relationship can be better than it has ever been. I'll post the next step later today...."
posted at 11:00:43 on November 24, 2010 by BARM
Alma 5:14    
"Thanks Honey for sharing on this post.

I love hearing about your feelings and what you are learning. But it is even more touching to me that are reaching out and sharing with others.

Reading Alma 5:14 has a whole new meaning for me right now.

I love the new you.

Thanks for this priceless gift.

Angel

:) yes, I'm his sweetheart"
posted at 12:04:19 on November 24, 2010 by Anonymous
Thoughts on "How to Help Your Wife Heal"    
"In retrospect, I realize how the Lord has prepared me over the past several years for this moment. Many things have happened to open my eyes to the damage I have done to my family through my pornography addiction.

As I watched Dr. Weiss' video "How to Help Your Wife Heal" I was struck by one deeply important theme that has made that biggest difference in my wife’s recovery; me accepting full responsibility for everything.

This is how it works for me – no matter what she feels (pain, anger, hate, sadness, etc.) it’s my fault – and I know it’s true deep inside my heart. This is what I tell her.

“It’s my fault. I caused this pain. I’m sorry. You were good and kind and loving to put up with me for all these years. Now it’s my turn to take care of you – no matter what you want, I’ll do it. No matter what you need, I’ll get it. From now on I’m going to take care of you like I should have from the first day I met you. I love you.”

By humbling myself before my wife, truly apologizing for years of addiction and pain, then promising to love and cherish her forever, our lives changed - in just 1 day. That’s ONE DAY.

Now we’re enjoying a level of trust I’ve never felt before and it has brought deep peace and joy into our lives.

It’s amazing what can happen when you surrender yourself up.

Alma 5:14

It's working for me. Maybe it will work for you."
posted at 20:01:16 on November 24, 2010 by BARM
Thank you so much for sharing!!    
"Dear Barm,

Wow, this is amazing, it really describes what I went trough!!! I will print it out to read with my husband. (hes been the hurry up guy and now is trying to learn patience). Hopefully it can help him get me more. Thanks for sharing. I am so happy for Angel and You. Be happy and make her happy.

Crushed"
posted at 21:49:47 on November 24, 2010 by Anonymous
Mindblowing stuff!!!    
"I want to comment but I am busy.
That is crazy stuff so far, now this is what I need to process thanks!

Anger your friend
Grief a gift
Grief an opportunity
She carries pain she did not cause (like Christ did for me)

Mind blowing to say the least.

She is like a savior for my entire family, past, present and future.
What a saint my wife is!

Wow wow wow wow wow wow.

This was great thanks Barm."
posted at 14:30:13 on November 25, 2010 by ruggaexpat
barm and angelmom    
"I'm sorry I doubted. It sounds really wonderful!"
posted at 15:48:32 on November 25, 2010 by Anonymous
Caring is sharing.    
"Thank God that he put you on the earth when I am here. I have printed this out to read with my wife."
posted at 10:12:15 on November 26, 2010 by Another_Dad
This is helping me heal    
"After all of these years of pain caused by this addiction, he "get's it"! There are some who will read my hubby's notes and think..... hmmm cool, and I hope it helps all who read, but when you understand, really understand the meaning in this, you and your wife will never be the same again.

I see miracles every day all around me. I believe in miracles and I have even stood in the middle of them and participated in them, but this miracle is happening to me right now. He really is helping me to heal. I was healing without him, that is what My Savior does for me, but my husband's humility (coupled with my working my 12 steps) has pushed my healing into the fast lane. His humility is driven by him and his complete coming to the realization of the damage he has done to me and our family.

It was not something like..... he might lose his wife, or he might lose his kids, or he could lose everything. It is this ...... His eyes were opened and he saw how much pain he placed on the person he loves the most (that would be me :), and his heart changed. IT STOPPED BEING ABOUT HIM!

Everything is changing and I am standing amazed at what is happening to us and it is the most real thing I have experienced in my whole life. And....

We both felt that this miracle is for everyone who suffers, and it had to be shared. That is why my sweetheart is now on this blog sharing his heart with you. And believe me, this is a man who would not even read what I have been writing, let alone share his feelings with you.....

I am off to say my prayers right now and you are all in them...

Angel"
posted at 10:43:38 on November 26, 2010 by angelmom
Thank God For Miracles!!!    
"Wonderful."
posted at 10:54:49 on November 26, 2010 by 4intow
Healing for ALL    
"BARM and ANGEL I cannot thank you enough for sharing this experience with all. I am so thankful to you BARM for sharing your experience from a man's perspective, and a Real Man at that, might I add. We love Angel and are so happy for the both of you and your family.

I had been trying to get the word out to many about the tools that Dr. Weiss has for all who are suffering from the effects of this addiction. But your sharing of your experience so openly and effectively, I know has helped all who are seeking recovery. I will print these wonderful insights and give them to my fellow missionaries as to allow them to share with those who are in their groups. I will share these insights with the Bishops and Stake Presidents that I meet with to help them understand the PASG program and especially the effects this has on the spouse of one who is struggling with this addiction.

Dr. Weiss's new DVD , How To Help Your Wife Heal, is indeed a tool that needs to be acknowledged as a resource for recovery.

Your testimonies bring to those seeking recovery message; REPENTENCE IS NOT RECOVERY!
Yes we MUST all repent, then you have all your Heavenly Resources in your arsenal to do the battle, the fight for your life an your families, RECOVERY.

All spouses must do their own recovery. Every spouse needs to be in a 12 step program, either Family Support, or PASG's for souses. Do the work and stick to the program. Then when the healing comes, reach out to those who are still in darkness.

Last week I had 2 new sisters come to support group. I was so excited, one sister commented, " Wow you are so excited to see me!" .....Yes I am so excited for their prospective of healing, to see the darkness leave their eyes and countenance, to see hope return, and faith in acted, blessings restored and covenants renewed. The miracles that only come from our Saviour Jesus Christ.

THANKSGIVING!!!!!

My love to your all!"
posted at 12:39:53 on November 26, 2010 by byourownhero
Speak, Dr. Weiss???    
"He is a straight shooter just like you. :)) You would benefit immensely."
posted at 12:41:39 on November 26, 2010 by byourownhero
Brothers??    
"Has the information shared by Barm and Angel helped you? What has been your experiences?
Is this information you believe should be shared with all the brothers in the ARP program. I would be so interested in your honest opinions."
posted at 00:58:06 on November 28, 2010 by byourownhero
Stay the distance.    
"I sincerely want to study this area. When I get on the computer it is generally late at night and I am to tired to read and focus. I have just cut & paste this thread to my desktop. I am excited with the direct manor and the way responsibility is put back on my shoulders. A realisation that my past actions and selfishness have caused my family pain, needs to be resolved. I generally don't use the computer after 9:30pm anymore. I just needed to write something to stay focused. We are doing step 12 next Tuesday night."
posted at 06:02:30 on December 3, 2010 by Another_Dad
Byourownhero    
"I have not mentioned this before, but the level that you push Dr. Weiss makes me uncomfortable.

Yes, we can see that AngelMom, BARM, and Preemie have benefited from his program. Certainly others have and will. We are VERY happy for you and others who are able to afford his counseling and guidance.

But the truth is, no one has to pay a dime to recover, if they are willing to sacrifice in other ways. I don't think Ruggaexpat or Summer's husband have paid for recovery materials and counseling for themselves. The atonement doesn't have a monetary price, and it is available to everyone.

Dr. Weiss is not available to me...and perhaps to many others on this site. We don't have the money, and if we did, our spouses might not want us spending money on such books (for their own reasons).

I am very happy to read about your progress and to hear that Dr. Weiss has helped you. PLEASE share your success, even if it means mentioning something that Dr. Weiss has said to bless you or to make you think. I love reading that. I WANT to hear ALL your opinions, even and especially those that disagree with me.

But I don't care to hear sales pitches. I am uncomfortable when your posts seem to express that we should all run out and buy into the good doctor's program. As I said...I just can't afford it. Thankfully, I don't think that disqualifies me or anyone else from complete recovery, WITHOUT Dr. Weiss."
posted at 18:24:21 on December 3, 2010 by beclean
It is an interesting subject    
"One that will continue to surface. To be honest my finances suck right now, because of the man I have become. I have 2 university degrees, one from a very prestegious university that should make me appear like a smart bloke but at the end of the day I have sweet bugger all. The Lord has let me make retarded decisions that have affected my financial status so I do not have the means to pay for therapy or buy loads of books. I am blessed to have a Bishop who knows what is at stake for our family and our individual salvation so he has let my wife and I go through an LDS therapist. I have not paid much for my therapy. That therapy has been critical for my welfare and progress to now. I am still in therapy because I am so freaking slow at getting how to love my wife the way she needs it. I suppose the best way to explain it is that I am reprogramming my brain to love, fell empathy etc.

About the materials I use, first is the ARP manual and the scriptures, then modern revelations, then he restoreth my soul, the drug of the new milenium, this site has been monumental, and now believe it or not romance novels. Yes that is right I never thought I would be caught dead reading that stuff but hey Jane Austin can't be that bad can she? My wifes fav is pride and prejudice, holy cow what a fitting twist for me!

Anyway there is more and I am not ruling out buying DR EVIL. I will do whatever it takes to become whole and heal properly. I will literally sell my house to get there, that is all that matters to me I am obssessed with destroying the old me. I want a new life, a new perspective and a new me. If DR EVIL can help me achieve that then I will buy his whole collection. I do not have the money to do these things but I just must make a way and show the Lord how serious I am to be clean.

Beclean I think you are blessed in that you were honest from the beginning and did not hide behind lies. That would have allowed you to progress a lot better than I did. So you clearly do not need DR EVIL to heal. The fact is this I have found little help to help me understand how I can help my wife heal. I think the Doc has some good points.

I think none of these populars like Evil, Oprah (sorry just had to), Glenn Beck (now don't let me go rambling on this dude) are in it for only the good of the people, they are all doing it to make as much money as they can. There is a difference between those three on the list Evil has something of value to me. The other 2 just talk too much and get paid too much. I would sadly have to admit that if the Glenn or O were to have that value I would be sitting in excitement 4 hrs before the show.

If it works then lets do it."
posted at 22:35:56 on December 3, 2010 by ruggaexpat
I understand Hero    
"I am grateful for HERO sharing Dr. Weiss with me. I looked into him before, and when his name resurfaced, I began to look into who he is and what he does. I do not feel that HERO is advertising and after experiencing what he offers, I would sell a kidney to have the tools that he sells. We have tried countless things over 23 years, and this guy get's it and teaches Addicts to get it. He may not be for all, but he may be for some.

The atonement is free, and Dr. Weiss does not sell the atonement for sure. The point is, when you have cancer or when you are addicted to heroine, or when you are suffering from a mental disorder, you seek treatment. When life is in the balance, no one is thinking about money. When you are having a chest pains, you go to the emergency room even if you have no insurance ( personal experience with this one, ouch). I searched for a long time and there was nothing but everything we tried before. Nothing (for us), until Dr. Weiss. Please do not assume that we have money growing on trees. My son used some his mission fund to pay for his treatment because he has tried everything known to man and everything the church told him to do. His knees were raw from all of the prayer, his floor wet with tears. He attended 80 meetings in 90 days, and I do not know a young man who knows the scriptures better than him. I won't even go into our finances. When I first looked at Dr. W's website about 1 1/2 years ago, I thought hmmmm, but too expensive, but after 23 years of betrayal and pain, I was willing to go without food to have what he was selling. BTW, there are lots of LDS based programs that are more expensive. In fact, my Bishop recommended a local one which we would need to pay for.

In all of my years of searching, I have never before found anyone who will boast an honest success rate (real people, real numbers). I have asked other clinics and they won't give me numbers because they can't. I loved that everyone who works in his clinic takes regular polygraphs including Dr. W himself. He wants you to know that you are not being treated by hypocrites. That too was something I could not find anywhere else (and believe me, I wodered) He was in the trenches, he earned the degrees, he not only knows this through study, he lives it... He gets it. He has listened to and counseled 1000’s of wives. He knows what this crap is doing to them and expresses it beautifully to the hubbys.

So, I can tell you why HERO is so over the top about this guy..... What he is doing is working and his program is keeping addicts clean. If she knew someone who was curing cancer, should she not shout it from the roof tops? Thank God for HERO's post about Dr. W , because my son was done and wanted to end his life and my husband was exhausted from 35 years of addiction and I was done. Someone might be where my loved ones were, and are praying for his stuff. Knowing what I know now, HERO posted his sale because it offers his stuff at a discount and it might be affordable. I am willing to bet that if she could, she would buy his stuff with her own money and send it to everyone on this blog. She is excited and I now know why. BTW, he never asked neither my husband nor my son to promote anything, not even a mention.

Can you heal without Dr. Weiss, of course , buy I say AMEN to HERO for talking about Dr. W, because in my case it was the exact medicine my husband, son, and I needed. His recovery tools did not replace Christ in mine or my loved ones lives, in fact it brought him into focus like never before. Read BARMs next post to understand this further.

BeClean, if you see that HERO is posting a sale or her excitement about something new from Dr. W, why not just skip that post if it bothers you? It may not be for you, but who is not to say it is not for someone else. Hope I did not offend you that was not my purpose. I just needed to express my feelings.

Love,
Angel"
posted at 01:25:44 on December 4, 2010 by angelmom
No offense taken...    
"And I don't mean to give any, either.

Here's the deal. I COULD just skip over the posts that advertise for Dr. Weiss, but then I'd be skipping 90% of what Hero writes. I don't want to do that."
posted at 04:14:15 on December 4, 2010 by BeClean
Your so sweet    
"Beclean, you are so sweet... Thanks for your kind response.

Love,

Angel"
posted at 11:21:42 on December 5, 2010 by Anonymous
Interesting factoid...    
"Did you know that Glen Beck, Oprah, and Dr. Weis are all on the Board of Directors for Anheuser Busch Brewing Company?"
posted at 16:55:57 on December 5, 2010 by Anonymous
Sorry.    
"I live alone. I need to keep myself entertained."
posted at 16:57:24 on December 5, 2010 by Anonymous
PLS STOP CRITICIZING HERO    
"I DO NOT appreciate all of your comments who criticize HERO for sharing something that has made a huge difference. I am getting tired of the comments criticizing her and then saying you appreciate all comments. she is not making a sales speech she is just sharing what has helped her!!! AND I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR THAT!!! All the stuff from dr Weiss that Hero and Angel have shared has made A TREMENDOUS DIFFERENCE IN MY LIFE AS A SPOUSE OF AN ADDICT!!! If it has not in yours and you are maybe well enough that you do not need extra stuff some are struggling to survive and can use every good tool out there. Sorry ... just a bit irritated..."
posted at 21:17:08 on December 5, 2010 by crushed
Shame on you anon    
"If you are going to try to discredit people, you might want to check your facts. Or at the very least, get the spelling right on their names.

All lies- here is the link to the BOD

http://phx.corporate-ir.net/phoenix.zhtml?c=63607&p=irol-govboard />
Even if they were on the board, who cares? and what is your point? "
IT WAS A JOKE!    
"GET A FREAKIN SENSE OF HUMOR!"
posted at 02:18:28 on December 6, 2010 by Anonymous
none of this is a joke    
"Anons that taunt people on the site and make light of what is very serious to many, have a little too much time on their hands."
posted at 07:34:00 on December 6, 2010 by Anonymous
Shame on you for not having a sense of humor    
"Lighten up!"
posted at 08:39:58 on December 6, 2010 by Anonymous
Who was "taunting"?    
"If this was REALLY that offensive to you, than you are probably watching Fox News too much."
posted at 08:46:50 on December 6, 2010 by Anonymous
Polarizing Post    
"Okay, this post is getting a little over the top. Are some of these comments necessary?

My father (Yes Barm is my father) was trying to share an Alma the Younger experience of sorts.

Fact is: We have both been to therapists, read books, met with the stake president, bishop after bishop and found 12 step programs. These things helped, but they didn't work enough. Now anyone can argue that we didn't stick with any of these long enough (though we still to this day both continue to read, study and search out recovery books, confess and work with our respective bishops to become clean and attend 12 step meetings for addiction recovery), but the fact is that we found something else, something that we grasped at out of despiration.

My father chose to step forward after 23 years and share his story. Something that was not only difficult already to do, but he also in the same post openly talked about how horribly he had hurt my mother.

I don't know about you, but that's not something your normally share with someone you don't know.

My father, like I and many of the other member of this blog, is here to find a way to and help provide a way to Christ (That's the 12th step in action. Bob and Bill started with Step 12 by the way.). And he did find a way to help him get closer to Christ. He's trying to share that with others who may feel like he did for 23 years!

To Clarify: We do not get paid to "advertise" about Dr. Weiss. In the same way that other members don't get paid to "advertise" and recommend books like "He Restoreth My Soul" (Too bad though, I could use the money).

Is this for everyone, No.
Can it help? I believe so as does my father.
Do we expect you to stand up and fly to Colorado? No. But we are providing information for those that want to.

For me this was a last resort and you can ask my Mother and Father. I was scared out of my mind. I had to clue what to do if this didn't work. Because nothing else had done really much to help me overcome my addictive tendancies.

I found hope in Colorado.
My father did too.
We're just trying to give everyone one more option.

This was a sacrifice that I made (with my own money, not my Fathers). I drained my mission account to do this (My screen name is Preemie folks, I think its fair to say I want to go on a mission).

You don't have to do this. But It worked for me, it can work for others. I have hope now. I don't want to kill myself anymore. To me that's a step up.

We welcome your opinions on this, but please don't tear us down because we found something that works and are happy to share. This is my father's recovery story, not his advertisement. Please don't tear him down for making a huge leap and putting everything up there.

A lot of pride had to be swallowed to do this.

Am I defending my father? Hell yes.
Is my opinion biased? Probably.
Do I believe that this "Dr. Weiss" was sent from God? Yes I do. He is an angel in my life and I am so glad that he is willing to share what he knows and what he has learned.

Do I want you to buy his book or go to his clinic? No. Because clearly your not ready and it would be a waste of both of your time.



I hope this didn't sound angry, but I am a little frustrated by some of your responses.

God Bless
Christ Jesus is the Only Way

I pray that what I have posted today glorifys Him.

Preemie"
posted at 10:24:39 on December 6, 2010 by Preemie
Preemie    
"You are awesome and I am glad you and your family have found some healing. You guys deserve it. I don't think many people are attacking Dr. Weiss. The Gospel has a claim to ALL truth. Whether it comes from someone at an AA meeting or Dr. Weiss. Consider the position of a few of us other long-timers. We've been clean and sober for years and years and have found a path of freedom and grace. We found it through various 12 Step programs and they didn't cost us a dime. Can you see how it might be annoying to us when somone continually touts a miraculous program in Colorado that has changed their lives? Don't get me wrong. I'm glad it has worked for you but it is absolutely NOT necessary for recovery. We already know what the program is because Jesus Christ wrote it and we have lived it for a long time now. Dr. Weiss's concepts are wonderful but they are not new and many are not even original. I AM FOR ANY PROGRAM THAT WORKS. But please don't advertise these expensive ones. Here is why...they are exclusive. The mere fact that they cost money, lots of money, makes them exclusive and when Heavenly Father revealed the solution for addiction He made the program simple and free. You can dress it up and add a few bells and whistles but the program is the same. I commend the work Dr. Weiss does, especially if he has used the proceeds for charity. I am a Psychologist myself. I know of the temptation to profit from true principles. My addiction work is ALWAYS pro bono because the knowledge is not my own. They are the same principles we have learned and lived by for years. You are right, Preemie. They came from Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob and were passed on to the rest of us.
We all need to remember where all truth comes from and avoid fanatical thinking. Keep what you've learned from your experience and put it to work on a daily basis. The true test comes in the day to day application of principles. I would never attack your father. Your mom and dad are courageous individuals and so are you. I appreciate the spirit your parents and byourownhero have had in their recomendations of Dr. Weiss. It is AWESOME that you have learned so much. Please DO share what you've learned. Now hopefully you guys understand a little better why it stirs up such emotion for some of us on these forums. I imagine that if Dr. Weiss is a recovering addict himself, he might be a little uncomfortable about such "advertisement." There is actually a tradition in most ethics codes which expressly forbids it but these blogs are considered "word of mouth" so the advertisements run rampant. (Like the sponsored ad at the bottom of this page for "The Waterfall Concept" Hey, if it works, more power to 'em!
Keep up the good work, Preemie. You'll make a great missionary."
posted at 12:23:44 on December 6, 2010 by Anonymous
Preemie    
"You are awesome and I am glad you and your family have found some healing. You guys deserve it. I don't think many people are attacking Dr. Weiss. The Gospel has a claim to ALL truth. Whether it comes from someone at an AA meeting or Dr. Weiss. Consider the position of a few of us other long-timers. We've been clean and sober for years and years and have found a path of freedom and grace. We found it through various 12 Step programs and they didn't cost us a dime. Can you see how it might be annoying to us when somone continually touts a miraculous program in Colorado that has changed their lives? Don't get me wrong. I'm glad it has worked for you but it is absolutely NOT necessary for recovery. We already know what the program is because Jesus Christ wrote it and we have lived it for a long time now. Dr. Weiss's concepts are wonderful but they are not new and many are not even original. I AM FOR ANY PROGRAM THAT WORKS. But please don't advertise these expensive ones. Here is why...they are exclusive. The mere fact that they cost money, lots of money, makes them exclusive and when Heavenly Father revealed the solution for addiction He made the program simple and free. You can dress it up and add a few bells and whistles but the program is the same. I commend the work Dr. Weiss does, especially if he has used the proceeds for charity. I am a Psychologist myself. I know of the temptation to profit from true principles. My addiction work is ALWAYS pro bono because the knowledge is not my own. They are the same principles we have learned and lived by for years. You are right, Preemie. They came from Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob and were passed on to the rest of us.
We all need to remember where all truth comes from and avoid fanatical thinking. Keep what you've learned from your experience and put it to work on a daily basis. The true test comes in the day to day application of principles. I would never attack your father. Your mom and dad are courageous individuals and so are you. I appreciate the spirit your parents and byourownhero have had in their recomendations of Dr. Weiss. It is AWESOME that you have learned so much. Please DO share what you've learned. Now hopefully you guys understand a little better why it stirs up such emotion for some of us on these forums. I imagine that if Dr. Weiss is a recovering addict himself, he might be a little uncomfortable about such "advertisement." There is actually a tradition in most ethics codes which expressly forbids it but these blogs are considered "word of mouth" so the advertisements run rampant. (Like the sponsored ad at the bottom of this page for "The Waterfall Concept" Hey, if it works, more power to 'em!
Keep up the good work, Preemie. You'll make a great missionary."
posted at 12:23:57 on December 6, 2010 by Anonymous
I am done    
"I am one of those who is bothered by what has gone on with Dr. Weiss. I am with anonymous above. I just want to say to you preemie, how dare you say something like "Clearly, you're not ready". You want to talk about a judgmental statement? You know nothing about someone. This site has become a glory be to Dr. Weiss. His advice/programs seems to be the only thing that counts anymore. I am a spouse/loved one. I recovered from 25 years of intense crap, emotionally, etc. I won't go into details, and have shared with many people through the past 6 six years, the things that helped me and they weren't Dr. Weiss. The plain and simple 12 steps of ARP through the church got me by and it happened in a matter of months, not years! My son just received his mission call and took out his endowments a little over a month ago, he too battled the consequences of his father's choices and overcame without Dr. Weiss. If it took Dr. Weiss and his program to help your family, that is good, but understand that if your family had not been ready, NOTHING would have worked and at this point it is early in the game. PROGRESS IS ETERNAL and the proof will be where you are in 5 years. I think you need to go through some of the "posts" "blogs" and see that there has been some very overt advertising of Dr. Weiss products. Prices, listings, etc. That is what makes some of us uncomfortable. Did you know that if your group leader/missionary were to promote this at an ARP meeting held in one of the church buildings, it would put the nonprofit status of the church at risk? Any time someone says they are uncomfortable with what feels like advertising they are slammed, well I am done with coming here, it is obvious that unless it is Dr. Weiss proclaiming it is has no merit. Those of us that were too stupid to do it without him, have nothing to add. Anytime in the past while when I have tried to say something I have been out talked, out'smarted" by someone who thinks they know more than me. Well I am sorry but that isn't working anymore for me. There obviously has been someone who has posted anonymously being funny and really not recognizing the seriousness of this issue. But don't put the rest of us down and especially question our "worthiness" basically to be saying something and opening our mouth."
posted at 13:55:48 on December 6, 2010 by Anonymous
Loved your post    
"love you preemie. Have a blessed day

Angelmom"
posted at 14:53:19 on December 6, 2010 by Anonymous
Goodness gracious people    
"Either you like the idea of weis or not
To much touchiness going on here.
What do we need from now on "Weis warning" on each post?
This is dumb. Skip the freaking post. I do not read everything on this site, it does not all apply to me. I don't sit there asking people to refrain from giving graphic details from the past or daily progress reports. That is part of their therapy and that is their right.

Look the ARP program is that a program, use it or not.
Weis offers a program use it or not.
If Joe blow offers a program use it or not.
BUT IF IT HELPS YOU WITH RECOVERY I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT IT. I HONESTLY DO NOT CARE IF THERE ARE OTHERS DON'T AND IF IT COMES WITH A 40% SALE THEN COUNT ME IN.

Lets all pipe down and do some healing."
posted at 15:28:57 on December 6, 2010 by ruggaexpat
Clarification.    
"Thank you for your comment Anonymous. I wanted to make sure you are all aware we don't think "your" way sucks.
I wasn't defending Dr. Weiss. I don't know about the other posts if you look at mine I don't "advertise". Okay maybe what I was saying wasn't very clear. So I'll put it in one sentence:

It took a lot for my father to open up, leave him alone.

I never meant for anyone to "leave" or to get angry. I was sharing my perspective. If you found Christ without having a professional help you than congrats. I wish I was that smart (my pockets would be a little heavier), but this worked for me, it can work for others. It is NOT the only way. The ONLY WAY IS CHRIST. Duh, but this helped me to get to him.

Oh and I don't think that I'm better than anyone else, or more worthy, I think I'm worse. So Anonymous 2, please don't assume what goes through my mind. No one forced you to read my Fathers story, we didn't hop on your story and start posting like wildfire. So please forgive us for whatever tresspasses we have made against you. We are trying to do good, please don't discourage us."
posted at 15:37:07 on December 6, 2010 by Preemie
Warning...opinion coming    
"I thought the timing of the above joke was ingenius. It's called comic relief. A sense of humour is an important tool of recovery.

Barm and Preemie, you're on fire! You guys have had a spiritual feast. I'm glad you're excited about recovery now. Steps One through Eleven are awesome too! You're gonna love those ones, too. Welcome to the site!! Many of us have prayed for you for Angelmom."
posted at 15:50:39 on December 6, 2010 by Anonymous
Re: Warning...opinion coming    
"Thanks Anonymous. I'm bombing step 4 right now, I don't think its done, but then again it won't ever be. Not sure if its time to move onto step 5, but I know I'm going to make a burn book for the day I get my mission call."
posted at 15:54:55 on December 6, 2010 by Preemie
Bon Fire    
"I will joining you with my burn journal...

Let's have a bon fire together.

I love new beginnings, especially this one :)

Love,
Mom"
posted at 16:17:42 on December 6, 2010 by Anonymous
Preemie,    
"I finally heard you the second time and I applaud your dad for his courage in opening up and sharing his story. I know you were trying to tell us that it was especially HARD for him. You're a good son for looking out for him.

P.S. Don't worry about people that threaten to not come back. I think we've all done that at least once. Recovery requires a thick skin and many of us are in the process of growing it.

Rugga, right on as usual."
posted at 17:20:34 on December 6, 2010 by Anonymous
One final thought after giving this issue some thought (Warning)    
"The church is doing a fantastic job in my opinion of proving tools for me as an addict to recover and heal. In fact I will readily admit that I do not need and will not buy an additional materials for me to stay clean. I believe the tools I have are sufficient to maintain my recovery and healing. All power to the savior and ARP.

I will say this: The church needs to do more and I think they know this on the loved ones side of things. Hence a pilot program for spouses right? I HAD TO FIND THAT MANUAL FOR MY WIFE BY GETTING A KIND HEARTED FRIEND ON THIS SITE TO SEND IT TO ME. Then while our programs are free, maybe the church may have saved thousands of marriages if they made us pay for the manuals like we do scriptures at Deseret. Sorry but that is not good enough when I think about it. The argument of free for the masses is futile if spending money can save a marriage. Could this have been the case 10 years ago, who knows? I do agree that free is the Lords way but just wonder how things could have been had my Bishop encouraged me to go to ARP in 2000 after my mission or 3 years before. I bet the membership to this site is going to grow at an enormous rate when there is a spouse program official worldwide because that support for loved ones is lacking as much as my emotional intelligence. Is the church at the forefront to help spouses deal with this? Ask many and they seem to say they feel left out a bit. They feel misunderstood by church leaders. Many have expressed these same views. Why has it taken so long to organize these programs when for decades the writing was on the wall?

Now please don't accuse me for apostasy, I love the church and what they are doing and I know it is Christs kingdom.

The church is doing its best and I am greatful for that but it like us can do better because it is run by us. This church is not perfect, it is the Lords church but he lets us make mistakes so that we can learn from them. There is no perfect recovery program out there and I don't buy this talk that a program is for some and not for others. A program will work if you want it to work. It can be the crappest most unorganized program you are dealing with but if you want it to work for you, you will find value in it and it will help.

I BELIEVE THAT THE ARP has worked for me because I wanted it to work more than anything. I placed my faith and every last drop of it in that program and have not regretted my investment of time and work in it. I found value in it because it is centered around the atonement and the saviors love for me and my wife.

You know there is another community out there probably doing the same thing but in another program and it is working for them (who knows perhaps as much as it is for us) because THE PEOPLE WANT IT TO WORK. What if there is a similar argument going on there where there is another sister saying hey I love the ARP program go buy he restoreth my soul etc.?

This is not about programs people it is about healing and what counts is "HOW FREAKING MUCH YOU WANT IT"

Final note: You people who love this ARP program love it because you have given everything to it and see it as a sacred life saving blessing. If you have not invested that same time in other programs or in my case know squat about them you probably are not in a position to ask others to stop talking about their recovery tools, no matter how much they cost.

Love this discussion and it has given me much food for thought."
posted at 22:26:43 on December 6, 2010 by ruggaexpat
Rugga's Warning    
"If this was facebook I would have liked that post."
posted at 10:48:41 on December 7, 2010 by Preemie
Anon, Chrurch Nonprofit status?    
""Did you know that if your group leader/missionary were to promote this at an ARP meeting held in one of the church buildings, it would put the nonprofit status of the church at risk? "

Common ANON, really...give me a break! I bought Dr. Hilton'r Book from an ARP missionary at a meeting and as far as I know the nonprofit police have not shut down the Church's status. Lots of people at lots of meetings suggest recovery material to buy, and even say where it is on sale, oh my!!

So, there you go telling LIES to scare all of the addicts into not lookng into this Dr. Weiss Dude. Sounds like a personal problem to me.

Personally, I think you and the other ANON are a little jealous.

The church will not lose it's NP status, you really have nothing to go on, so please give it a rest... "
posted at 15:07:17 on December 7, 2010 by Anonymous
I'll be the    
"...first to amit I'm a damn communist and loth the idea of "for profit" salvation...and i've never thought twice about Heros posts. Do your thang girrrrl.

Also, to the anonymous who wants to leave. Just found myself hoping it wasn't me that "out smarted" you. I can be quite the smart ass sometimes. Sorry if it was.

The main thing is that Barm and Preemie keep posting. Am I wrong ya bone heads?

And am I the only one that just loves Crushed with my whole heart and soul? Man, I love her fury.

p.s. I'm doing horrific. Like, horrific. Like me and satan play checkers on thursday nights and high five eachother when we see eachother on the streets horrific. Pray for a fool"
posted at 17:24:48 on December 7, 2010 by They speak
I'm praying...    
"for ya Speak. Do the right thing. I know you can.

Hope I didn't offend you either, Anon. I don't have a clue who the "anonymous" posters are. But I know I love, care for, and pray for everyone who posts with a screen name. I would hate to lose any of you."
posted at 18:23:39 on December 7, 2010 by BeClean
The anonymous poster above was obviously Dr. Weiss.    
"Yeah, that was another joke. Get a program lady. Your anger is eating you alive."
posted at 18:39:00 on December 7, 2010 by Anonymous
Good hopeful read.    
"Thank you all for sharing."
posted at 18:54:43 on September 4, 2012 by Anonymous


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"Develop discipline of self so that, more and more, you do not have to decide and redecide what you will do when you are confronted with the same temptation time and time again. You need only to decide some things once. How great a blessing it is to be free of agonizing over and over again regarding a temptation. "

— Spencer W. Kimball