Understanding Bishop's email
By dstanley
11/19/2010 2:43:16 PM
I got this message from my bishop today. I'm trying to figure out his intention because right now it just ticks me off. I feel like he thinks I'm not serious about recovery. Any comments would be appreciated.

D, you can't stick your finger in the rat trap and then complain that it hurts when the thing goes off. Repentance requires strict obedience, and recovery requires an all out effort, a total sell out and commitment. At that point, the Lord steps in and helps us. We have that guarantee, but only after all we can do first.

I cannot imagine how hard this is for you; however, I do know that we have the right and the responsibility to make our own choices. As you make daily, even hourly choices to follow the Savior, your outlook will improve. The Atonement will help us overcome any sin, and heal any would. That is my faith and testimony.


He's right    
"After some venting and a little prayer (my youngest woke up and interrupted it), I've decided that I was mad at my bishop because he's right.

I’ve let stuff slide. It wasn’t intentional, but stuff has slid. I’ve managed to not open my scriptures at all this week. I’ve let my personal prayers slide. I’m still struggling with handling my emotions. I’m trying though. I really am. I really want to get past this and be able to go to the temple and move on with my life. It is hard though to balance working on the spiritual stuff, the recovery stuff, and the emotional stuff all while parenting two kids (and dealing with their dads) and dealing with depression. It’s a bit overwhelming. Time to push through the depression and get working.

I will not go to bed tonight without scripture study and prayer. I will not act out tonight, even if it means that I spend all night reading conference talks or other such things. If I get no sleep it will work out somehow. It’s not like I’ve been getting to bed early lately."
posted at 15:41:23 on November 19, 2010 by dstanley
"D. I am not a sex addict, but I am a woman. I understand your frustrations with your situation. Many of your trials with an x, or raising young children on your own are out of your control. You refer to depression. Are you receiving professional treatment? If not it will be very hard to recover if you are using your addiction to self medicate. If you are receiving treatment then I have a suggestion. Trust, have faith, confidence in your Heavenly Father to provide for you when you are keeping his commandments, striving for righteousness.

I will share a very personal story and I pray for those who read this to have an understanding for my purpose in sharing. To give hope, confidence and an understanding that our Heavenly Father is very aware of us and understands even our most intimate struggles. I was a young mother dealing with the trials of a very sick husband and the stress of managing it all including several small children. My husband was so Sick that there was no ability for physical intimacy. I was unable to receive that release from the emotional, physical stress that I was enduring. I prayed that he would recover and our intimate relations would resume as it was before,I did not seek an alternative relief. To busy to think about it I guess?? My Heavenly Father gifted me that release in my sleep many times. I woke up and said "thank you!". I felt validated and knew that my Heavenly Father was so aware of me and my trials but more importantly He blessed me for my faithfulness in staying true to His teachings. I knew that was a gift because normally the release would not be achieved without a lot of effort. Please I hope this is not offensive. My point is. Do as your Bishop is telling you! Turn it all over to the Lord. Trust in Him and you will have confidence and your confidence will grow as you do those things He asks of us. You will recognize His blessings as you journal your day and give thanks for all the tender mercies you have received from him that day. He will not leave you comfortless in anyway.
You have to take those steps for recovery. Walk that recovery road every day. Hold on! We are cheering for you. If you are not hearing positive messages then know they are not the messages your loving Heavenly Father is trying so desperately for you to hear, calm down and listen. Turn off the static. Tune into your Savior and His Power."
posted at 17:56:47 on November 19, 2010 by Anonymous
Thank You    
"I am receiving professional treatment. I have a psychiatrist and two counselors (one for depression and things in general and one that I do LifeStar/personal addiction counseling with) and I'm on 3 meds. I struggle with feeling my emotions instead of stuffing them, and that's part of what I use my addiction to medicate. I'm trying to trust and have faith and all of that, but it's really hard for me. I didn't grow up in the church (I joined 3.5 years ago) and I have trouble trusting other people in general. Thanks for sharing your story (sorry about your husband) and understanding. I have friends in the church, but my situation can still be very isolating. I can't share about my addiction, most of them are married, etc. It's so hard and sometimes I don't think people get that. Sometimes I feel like they don't think I'm trying hard enough, but I'm doing the best that I can. I know I need to do better and I want to do better, but I can't fix it all at once. I'm still learning how to deal with it all in a healthy way and I'm still learning to trust.

Thanks again."
posted at 19:45:36 on November 19, 2010 by dstanley
"I think that was very good of you to take your bishops email in stride. I can see how that would be offensive. I think it is pretty cool that he is taking the time, though. It is a VERY hard job and sometimes tough love is the harder but kinder route. We get to rely on other addicts for a more compassionate understanding of the pain we are going through. Good luck tonight!"
posted at 20:21:23 on November 19, 2010 by Anonymous
my blood boils    
"That's infuriating. First, every damn one of us sticks our hand in the rat trap and everyone i've met, except your bishop apparently, complains when it hurts!..or he's never struck his hand in the rat trap? But then we'd have to call him hey-suse. Second, "at that point"? What a crock a total and utter bull [edit]! Sorry. But man I just feel like that is so damaging and in my opinion one of the reasons, at least for me, that I continue to fall...when I start to buy the lie "at that point". The truth is "at that point" is when the Lords steps out (He probably never really steps out. But His grace sure hasn't proven to me in my experience to be made perfect in strength)...cause I start thinking I've done something. I do nothing. I'm powerless. I'm willing I suppose. But even that...lets give credit where credit is do. He does it all. The second I start to think i've done something, or gotta do something, to be "at that point"...I'm the furthest from it. "That point" is at zero. The Lord steps in at zero. You had Him at hello. If "that point" is somewhere else then how does he explain the Lord "step[ing] in" for me when I was nothing but a devil with no intention of repenting? Now at least I'm a devil with the intention of repenting. Why? Cause the Lord! Not cause after all I could do suddenly He stepped in. Third, addiction isn't about CTRing as he seems to allude to in his final paragraph. If anything overcoming addiction is about admitting you've lost the power to CTR. So don't give me some platitude about choice. ITS NEVER HELPED

I too am gonna need to pray and settle down. Right or wrong his approach is retarded."
posted at 02:25:58 on November 20, 2010 by They Speak
Calmed down    
"I've cooled off a bit. The main thing is has he built repore with you founded on unconditional positive regard (which doesn't mean just telling you what you want to hear all the time) and does he have the Spirit. I'm guessing he has built some repore if he's your covenant eyes companion. And I don't think having the Spirit means your not going to say something idiotic once in awhile. So that's cool. Who am I to judge?

The most important thing is what is the Lord teaching you? I have a hard time believing you'll go wrong sticking with that."
posted at 03:26:54 on November 20, 2010 by They Speak
Anon - Believe!    
"Oh how grateful I was for your post!

You reminded me how I got thru this period of my life the last time without acting out. I am in a very similar situation and have been for a long, long time. Now (Thanks to you!) I remember how the lord comforted me IN my trial. It did not come overnight. It was through no sexual desires, but desires only for the peace and comfort, power and strength, that comes from that specific connection.

The Lord is mindful of every weight. Every need. It is all up to him, if we trust. We may be a very few - anon and I- but for some reason we were blessed in our trials.

posted at 13:12:13 on November 20, 2010 by 4intow
"So glad you found that post because I had you in mind when I posted. Be Confident in your Heavenly Father."
posted at 22:30:34 on November 20, 2010 by Anonymous

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"Brothers and sisters, stay on the straight and narrow path. No, stay in the middle of the straight and narrow path. Don't drift; don't wander; don't dabble; be careful. Remember, do not flirt with evil. Stay out of the devil's territory. Do not give Satan any home-field advantage. Living the commandments will bring you the happiness that too many look for in other places. "

— Larry W. Gibbons

General Conference October 2006