Step 2 (recovery manual)
By they speak
11/16/2010 5:20:57 PM
Belief in God (Mosiah 4:9)
Many witnesses in heaven and in earth testify of God’s existence. What evidences of God and His love have you experienced?
Today after a seven day water fast I craved nothing but raw vegetables and fruit just like I’d hoped. Guess that’s a miracle and a witness of His love and consideration/awareness of my desires. A lady mentioned today about how something as simple as stepping on a leaf and hearing the sound of the crackling under foot may speak and witness that “You’re a [son] of God.” I believe this is the Light of Christ. It’s that flow of energy that vibrates still and small. The natives call it the Spirit that moves thru all things. The Taoist’s call it the Tao (Dow). The Bhagavad Gita goes so far as to say “The power of God is with you at all times; through the activities of mind, senses, breathing, and emotions; and is constantly doing all the work using you as a mere instrument.” Alma says in chaper 30 verse 44 “…even the earth, and all things that are upon the face of it, yea, and its motion, yea, and also all the planets which move in their regular form do witness that there is a Supreme Creator.” I don’t think Alma is appealing to our rational here. I believe he’s not saying that it makes more logical sense that there is a Creator then not. He talking of their witness. They speak. I feel it. I hear. “The beauty of the trees, the softness of the air, the fragrance of the grass speaks to me. The summit of the mountain, the thunder of the sky, The rhythm of the sea, speaks to me. The faintness of the stars, the freshness of the morning, the dewdrop on the flower, speaks to me. The strength of the fire, the taste of salmon, the trail of the sun, and the life that never goes away, they speak to me And my heart soars.” - Chief Dan George. It seems to me that many of the great scientists were aware of this from Galileo to Einstein. It’s the “constant spiritual signal” that Boyd K. Packer speaks of that we can all tap into. The book of mormon says this spirit is given to every man comes into the world. Then of course there is the growing body of more practical evidence that I’ve seen. God working thru people…mainly thru attending meetings. And that is just as of late. As I consider this matter is clear to me that God always has sent people to me when I need them. Almost to a bazaar extent.

Faith in Jesus Christ (Alma 37:33)
Many of us tried to get out of our addictions through sheer willpower or through having faith in a friend or therapist. Sooner or later we found that out faith in ourselves or others did not enable us to overcome our addictions fully. Write about your feelings today of being humble and willing to turn to Christ and His gospel above all other sources of help in your recovery efforts.
I think yes it’s important for me to turn to Christ but to approach it as a child assuming the possibility that all prior understanding I thought I had of Him in my mind was/is potentially lacking at least and perhaps a complete and utter farce for it never produced the faith requisite for repentance. My cup must be empty now. My mission, my studies, what I thought the brethren where telling me….meaningless unless quickened by the spirit. Be open to enlightenment. Further light and knowledge. This assumes lack. Be nothing. Be a fool. Be empty.

The Savior’s compassion (Mark 9:24)
This man sought help from the Savior and obtained it. Jesus did not rebuke him for his doubt. Write about the Savior’s compassion and patience.
Wow, did I just read a brethren approved statement “Jesus did not rebuke him for his doubt.”?? How refreshing! Hmm… Well… Wow… I don’t know all I can say is that’s been the story of my life for the last 7 months or so. Maybe my whole life. I once uttered tauntingly in my heart “fine. I’m going out. Getting lost. Can’t be found without getting lost right? Come find me. I’ll be the 100th sheep! Prove your words faithful. Let’s see. Help thou my unbelief.” Probably not the best way to go about it….but He did. He has. All summer I spent my Sunday’s at 10,000 feet in the sky diving out of a tiny sesna plain that took 30 minutes to get to altitude. Lot of time to ponder. He was with me. He spoke to me through the wind, He was in the sound of the engine the clouds the sky the sun. He was in me. Though living as if no atonement had been made…He was there in that tiny plain every Sunday. He came to get me. No prodding. No to do list with me. Just there. Mild quiet company. Like Spencer W. Kimball’s visit to Dr. Henry Eyring in the hospital (Erying conference priesthood oct 2010). His presence was enough. He never left me. Just like He said explicitly as the plain home from my mission left the ground “…I Am with you to the end.”

How do you feel about sharing your feelings with the Lord?
Great! It’s funny all of my mission I worried I didn’t know how to pray. I would read and study about prayer in Mormon doctrine by Bruce R. and study it in the scriptures etc but I just…I don’t know, felt like I didn’t know how to talk to God. In an ironic twist my fall from grace certainly has taught me, at least I think it has, how to better talk to God…no matter the circumstances. My opinion, if you can’t talk to God while you’re using the restroom and laugh about it…you don’t know your Dad. But that’s just me. Personal. Maybe to personal. Ha! Just had a good open chat with The Ancient One. Much needed. Felt good.

The gift of grace (Hebrews 4:6)
In the Bible Dictionary, grace is defined as “divine means of help or strength” given through the “bounteous mercy and love of Jesus Christ” (“Grace,” 697). This gift of divine strength enables you to do more than you would be able to do if left on your own. The Savior will do for you what you cannot do for yourself. His grace is the means by which you can repent and be changed. In what ways have you felt the gift of grace in your life?
I don’t know. Honestly I have to be honest and say sometimes I feel like it’s working for me and other times I feel like some thing just isn’t clicking. When it’s working it seems like somehow, usually thru shitty circumstances that compel me to almost no other choice then giving up, I’m able to almost in a throw my hands up kind of way and say “fine. You do it. I don’t care. I can’t care. I can’t. I’m willing obviously. But this is Your baby.” And all of a sudden stuff starts going my way. I can try to practice this by choice but it seems like eventually I can tell im faking it, going thru the motions, even though I wish I wasn’t and want desperately to be sincere. I seem to go on like that for maybe a day or two before I act out, things get horrible and eventually I start the feeling sincere about surrender again by and thru my dire circumstances and the grace starts kicking again. Like my job interview recently. Was so pissed. Up all night in spite of praying for a good night’s rest that I could be prepared and mentally clear. Listened to distracting music. Chewing tobacco etc… and finally I just threw my hands up and said “fine! My life is unmanageable. Obviously! I can’t control it no matter how I try. You do the interview. Or don’t. But it’s your deal. Not mine.” And He did the interview. I don’t get it honestly.? Don’t know why I can’t seem to maintain it when things are going well??? Isn’t that when God should be helping me? Or helping me also I should say?


Step 2 (recovery manual)    
"How can the gift of divine strength enable you to maintain continuous recovery?
“maintain continuous recovery” Ha! I don’t know?

Healing (Alma 15:6, 8)
When we think of healing, we usually think about our bodies. What else about you might require the healing power of Jesus Christ?
My mind. The bad wiring from my pre-frontal cortex to my limbic system. Guess that’s physical too. I think it would be easier to narrow down what about me wouldn’t require the healing power of Jesus Christ? Spiritual healing from all the damage I’ve done to it thru sin. Healing thru forgiveness of those who have truss passed against me and the subsequent healing that will come from forgiveness.

Write about your need to draw on the redeeming (liberation, transforming) power of Christ.
What is the POWER of Christ?! What is electrical power? I don’t know exactly but I can tell a few things it doe’s. Do I need to know exactly scientifically what the power of Christ is to use it? To know what it does? I guess not. But what if no one knew exactly what electrical power was? Could I utilize it then? Probably not cause no one would understand it well enough to get it to my house for me to flip on the lights. I think I need to know what the POWER of Christ is, how it works and what it does in order to utilize it. What is the power of Christ. No abstractions. I want real workable faith. Flip the switch. Lights come on. Is that possible? Well first things first. What is the current and how does it work in order that if there is a switch at all I may flip it.

Awakening (Alma 32:27)
Becoming aware-or awaking and arousing your faculties-is an important part of the process of learning to believe. In what ways are you more aware today of Jesus Christ and His power in your life than you were last week? Last month? Last year?
Power, power, power! I don’t know what that is. As I think about it this question isn’t new. The most pondered on and thought about line in my whole patriarchal blessing over the last 11 years since I got has always been “you also [in addition to the ‘great power’ of the Holy Ghost that is mine upon my faithfulness] have the power of the priesthood to help you discharge things from your mind that should not be there.” POWER! I’ve always asked myself what is this power? How do I consistently unlock it? How do witness it? How does it manifest? I don’t want just some theoretical out there scriptural analogy. I need to know. Most of all how does it work? In light of that, and this is revealing, I’m not sure I am more aware today of His power then I was any other time. I’ve always been confused about seemingly abstract idea of spiritual power. “What manner of man is this; that even the winds and the seas obey Him?” that’s power! How?

Deliverance from bondage (Alma 5:5)
The word of God will be powerful in releasing you from bondage. You can find the word of God in the scriptures and the talks you hear at conference and read in Church magazines. You can also receive God’s word directly through the Holy Ghost. Write some the things you are willing to do today to receive His word to you.
Pray. Meditate. Ponder. Read the Book of Mormon. Study about power."
posted at 17:21:47 on November 16, 2010 by they speak
"Keep up the good work!!!!"
posted at 18:49:51 on November 16, 2010 by Anonymous
I'm walking with you brother.    
posted at 15:32:37 on November 18, 2010 by lawrence

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"My brethren who are caught in this addiction or troubled by this temptation, there is a way. Don’t accommodate any degree of temptation. Prevent sin and avoid having to deal with its inevitable destruction. So, turn it off! Look away! Avoid it at all costs. Direct your thoughts in wholesome paths. Please heed these warnings. Let us all improve our personal behavior and redouble our efforts to protect our loved ones and our environment from the onslaught of ography that threatens our spirituality, our marriages, and our children. "

— Dallin H. Oaks

General Conference, April 2005