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Addiction. :/
By Dannyboy
11/15/2010 1:54:45 AM
So, currently I have fallen to a sin that I have been falling to since I was 12 years old. This sin involves problems with chastity, abstinence, immorality.. Yea. I've been struggling so hard lately and I don't know what to do. For awhile I stopped and was on the right path. I was ordained with the Melchizedek Priesthood and set apart as an Elder. I can't for the life of me remember what it was that made me so at peace. What it was the kept this sin from my mind 24/7. And not remembering what it was has caused me to fail every time Satan comes at me. I'm in desperate need of help of a way to overcome this addiction before I do something irrational. Please, can anybody help me?

Comments:

Don't do anything irrational...    
"You're not alone. In fact, you're in good company, dannyboy. Some of the best people I know are recovering addicts. Maybe Heavenly Father wants you to check out the ARP program. There IS a solution. There IS hope. Don't give up before the miracle."
posted at 02:19:20 on November 15, 2010 by Anonymous
Hi Dannyboy    
"Is there a church ran pasg group in your area? Along with coming to this site the church has a great program for us recovering addicts, it is free, anonomous, and ongoing. Best of all it is ran under the direction of the Priesthood and many including myself have found help and a measure of recovery. I am 51 years old and have been dealing with this sucky addiction for over 35 years. the regular ARP groups are great, but the PASG (Pornography Addiction Support Groups) are just for us with a sexual addiction. You can find all the groups by going to the churchs site at www.arpgroups.com and click on your area. If you do not live in an area where this type of support is available, there is a phone group on tuesdays. I would also get check out the recovery manual listed here on the site, and get your hands on the book Clean hands pure heart, it is addiction specific for sex addicts and goes right along with the 12 steps.

You have also found a great web site here, lots of great people and help.

your brother
harvey f"
posted at 02:42:21 on November 15, 2010 by Anonymous
Welcome!    
"I second the recommendation to find an ARP group and to start reading the recovery manual. We don't have PASG groups in my area, but there are lots of sex addicts in my ARP group. Many nights we outnumber the non sex addicts. :) Also, if your bishop isn't already aware, tell him. If you're married let your wife know as well. Keep coming back here and share your successes and failures. It really does help to share what's going on in your life."
posted at 10:54:33 on November 15, 2010 by dstanley
Welcome, Dannyboy!    
"We're happy you are here.

There are a few things I think you should know.

1. You are NOT alone. There are MANY people who have struggled just like you and know what you are going through.
2. You are NORMAL, and your temptations are NATURAL. Being tempted in this way is natural. When the temptation comes, that's OK. You don't have to be scared of it. You can say, "this temptation is normal."
3. You cannot overcome this addiction.
4. Jesus CAN overcome this addiction. And he can help you. The 12 steps are a pattern he has given to help you. Work through them! Get help at addiction recovery groups. Keep coming to this site.
5. You don't have to listen to the temptation when it comes. You can be tempted without having to freak out, as I said in #2. But you can also say to the temptation, "thanks, but no thanks." You do NOT have the power to prevent the temptation from coming. You DO have the power to say no to it, WITH CHRIST.
6. There are many in the world and on this site who were once just as addicted as you, or worse, and they have been clean for YEARS. It IS possible to stop, if you are willing to do what it takes, and what it takes is giving your life entirely over to Jesus. You are his. Become his. Plan to serve a mission, and focus on that. He is there for you.

And we are here for you. Let us know how things are going. The next time you are tempted, PLEASE come to this site and tell us. Say, "OK, here's that temptation again. That's normal. I'm going to go share it."

See you soon."
posted at 11:01:19 on November 15, 2010 by BeClean
Start with your bishop    
"I didn't see this mentioned in your post, but the first step should be to see your bishop. I was overwhelmed by the love and understanding I felt when I went to see mine. I thought I was a worthless piece of trash--he showed me I was a good person who was trying but simply had a weakness. The cleansing power of the Atonement is most powerful through him, as he is Christ's authorized representative in your life. If you haven't seen him yet, go as soon as possible.

Also the ARP program. It is amazing and has changed my life. Go find a meeting."
posted at 11:46:05 on November 15, 2010 by iwillnot
Start With the Savior    
"Dear Danny,

I am not an addict but the wife if one and strangely enough I know exactly how you feel. My husband's addiction has left me empty and alone. I sometimes have a hard time remembering how at times I could be so strong, but other times, I feel lost and alone and losing my will to go on. I have a really hard time.

This is when I ask my Savior to hold me and lead me. I often find myself in prayer throughout the day. I cannot trust fully in any one person. Although I have no real support where I live, I do feel the love and support of the people on this blog. It is a testimony to me of the connection our spirits have on this earth. I am so glad you reached out to us because I can tell you without ever meeting you that you are loved by everyone here.

Turn to Jesus Christ first. Drop to your knees and cry unto him. I have literally been on my knees pleading for the Savior to give me the will to live. I know that he does give me that will.

Your Bishop is your judge in Israel, but I would not put all hope in him to make you feel love. Some Bishops are better at that than others That is not his job. Go to the Lord and his precious Son for comfort and love because they will never let you down. I know this with all of my heart.

I am praying for you to feel the light of His love so that you will have the will to go on and seek true healing throughout your life.

Pasted below is a beautiful sond aboout a Father pleading for the Lord to lead him. I know this song has been something that has really touched my husband.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OAKBXBXz1fo&feature=channel


Your sister in Christ
Angel"
posted at 13:53:58 on November 15, 2010 by angelmom
ABSOLUTELY LOVE THAT SONG    
"It's been one of my favorites since I heard it weeks ago. Thanks for sharing it on this site, Angel. I'm not sure how it will impact a young man without a wife and kids, however...

Also, for clarification, relying on the Savior is (or should be) the most important, implicit and explicit statement I made in my 6 points above. The Savior CAN save each of us from these sins and from their terrible effects--He is the only one who can, so we MUST turn ourselves over to Him. Going to the bishop is also an important step in relying on the Savior; it's found in the 12 steps--so that's where it fits into the advice i gave earlier.

Personal experience: I fought my addiction through sincere prayer and weekly or monthly bishop visits for YEARS before I was ever able to figure out how to turn myself over to the Savior. I thought I WAS doing that, but no matter how fervently I prayed or how many times I went to the Bishop, I couldn't seem to overcome.

For me (that does NOT mean it works for everyone), what worked was the 6 suggestions I made above. I realized that these temptations are normal and natural, and I stopped trying to fight away the temptation. Instead, I started giving myself and the temptation over to God, because I realized I was powerless to overcome. (One of the ways I turned myself over to God was by starting to listen to music like the song Angelmom posted--and I got rid of all the music that filled my mind with sex and lyrical porn.) I also turned myself over to God by working the 12 steps and working with the help of a recovery group.

After years of prayer and visits with several Bishops, the steps I mentioned were the only things that worked to help ME turn this sin over to God and let it go!"
posted at 14:26:57 on November 15, 2010 by beclean
Lead ME    
"Thank you angel for that link. I am sending it to all my sons and daughters. An honest song with heartstrings attached. THANKS"
posted at 17:41:50 on November 15, 2010 by byourownhero
Thanks Clean    
"My husband has been seeing Bishops since he was 12 years old. Now he is in his late 40’s. He did everything he was told, but the information for healing and recovery just did not exist.

He just told me that he could not understand what was wrong with him. He repented after every slip and episode. He did everything he was told. He often thought, hmmm, that's it? I'm clean? Okay.... He went on and then eventually fell again, only to repeat the cycle over the course of many years.

When I spoke with my Bishop recently, he asked me if my husband was doing A B C D and E. My answer was yes, he was and for the most part was doing all of the stuff Bishop's put on the check list. My Bishop looked perplexed and said, I don't understand how he fell. He looked as if to say " I got nothin".

That is why I made the comments about Bishops being only the judge in Israel. Personally I have never in all of my years felt the love or comfort from a Bishop. I have even been given potentially damaging advice from a couple of them. I do not hold them accountable to me, only to God. I believe in my heart that they just didn't understand. Having said that, my Husband has felt some love and comfort. He was just never able to heal. Proof that confession is not repentance. All of that is changing now. My Bishop even said to me that his is not qualified to understand addiction, but that he has been attending a few from the Church's ARP program, so as to learn more. I am grateful for this program and for his humility to attend.

The Pornography addiction program was mentioned to my husband a couple of years ago, but pride got in is way. Besides he was pronounced clean again and he would do better this time. He is not like "those” people who have to go spill all of their sins in front of everyone. Well here he is now, one of "those" people and I am grateful that he is now making a full effort to heal from his addiction. He and my son at this moment are spending 3 days at Dr. Weiss's clinic in Colorado. Financially it is a strain. My son is using what was saved in his missionary fund to pay for some of it. I believe that they both are coming to realize that they are fighting something like stage 4 cancer. My hope is to report that this therapy, along with their hard work, and the Church's ARP program, will lead them to success in finding joy in this life. My hope is that healing from our marriage will be a byproduct of this therapy. My hope is that My son will find the joy that has been missing since his teen years and possibly be ordained and Elder, receive his patriarchal blessing, and serve a mission.

For Danny: Dear Brother, there is so much available today that was not even available a few short years ago. You have everything you need to heal. The Savior is there with his arms extended to take you in and heal you. You must surrender all to him and he will make your weak things strong. Another couple of songs which may be meaningful to you :


I Am Not Alright

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2LCvCBaqVg&feature=related />
Forgiven

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3F9z54g30Eo&feature=channel />
Love,
Angel"
Wow..    
"Thanks all of you for all your comments.. I couldn't believe the care and love I felt when I read them. You've all honestly helped me out a ton and I'll take all of your advise from now on. I seriously was brought to tears when I read these. Can you imagine? A 20 year old boy, brought to tears. :') Whenever I'm tempted, I'll come here and read your comments. Feel free to ask me about anything and I'll be sure to help you with everything I can. Take care. I love you all. Rise and rise again, until lambs become lions."
posted at 00:33:14 on November 16, 2010 by dannyboy
My 20 year old    
"Hi again Danny,

So glad to here you are doing beter. I also have a 20 year old bot who is going through the same thing you are going through. In fact he is in the process of getting some really good help and attending APR meetings. I believe that attending the meetings is a great step, but it can lead you down the road to recovery.

Bless you and have a beautiful day!
Angel"
posted at 09:34:43 on November 16, 2010 by Anonymous
My 20 year old    
"Hi again Danny,

So glad to here you are doing beter. I also have a 20 year old bot who is going through the same thing you are going through. In fact he is in the process of getting some really good help and attending APR meetings. I believe that attending the meetings is a great step, but it can lead you down the road to recovery.

Bless you and have a beautiful day!
Angel"
posted at 10:12:47 on November 16, 2010 by Anonymous


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"By emulating the Master, who endured temptations but “gave no heed unto them,” we, too, can live in a world filled with temptations “such as [are] common to man”. Of course Jesus noticed the tremendous temptations that came to him, but He did not process and reprocess them. Instead, He rejected them promptly. If we entertain temptations, soon they begin entertaining us! Turning these unwanted lodgers away at the doorstep of the mind is one way of giving “no heed.” Besides, these would-be lodgers are actually barbarians who, if admitted, can be evicted only with great trauma."

— Neal A. Maxwell

General Conference May 1987