day 4
By Joshua
11/10/2010 7:17:04 PM
so in the latter part of the day at work I was tempted to think sexual thoughts about co worker while we were driving to another location to get our personal cars as we started to talk about what I like to do with my son and than I began to think inappriopriate thoughts and start to entertain a little bit like 1-2 minutes but then I thought to myself with being so new to recovery I still can't help the birds flying overhead but I can stop then to net on my head so I thought to myself what is more worth to sit in the car that she was driving me and another person and talk to her while thinking of this or to shut down the conversation as quick as I can without being rude and think about the love I have for my wife so I did the latter and then the thought harrassed me on the way home as much as I trried to normalize the thought and think of course I would have issues still given my history especially my history with co worker but I tried to think what is more vlaue my love for my wife or this and that did win out till I got home and started to look up innapriopriate stuuf but thank goodness the filter got in the way and that is why I decided to come here . Even before I came upstairs to be alone I was thinking about blogging on this site but then I started to surf for the inapproate stuff. So still clean of looking at porn or masterbating and if I make it today it will be day 4 of being clean


What a battle!    
"Keep going, Joshua. Hold the line. Goal-line defense. Satan is trying to score. You must hold him back. Take a stand. Win today's game. Go 4-0.

Good job. You are so right that the battle you are fighting almost every minute is natural--keep normalizing the temptation and moving on to what you SHOULD be doing. You have the choice. You can't stop the thoughts and temptations from coming, but you don't have to give in to them.

As you continually make the choice to "pass" on those temptations, they will get quieter and quieter. They will come less and less often. I promise.

Good job, Joshua!"
posted at 19:30:20 on November 10, 2010 by BeClean
"No meeting today?"
posted at 20:40:13 on November 10, 2010 by Anonymous
no meeting    
"because my wife was supposed to go visit teaching plus usually it is cub night and my wife is cub leader and there is no one else to look after my kids now I did have my cousin but she has a daughter that needs to go to school the next day and me coming at about 9-9:30pm was too late as she it was more difficult for her daughter to go to bed as she wanted to play with my son and her husband sometimes come home from work late so she wanted to spend more time with him"
posted at 22:11:58 on November 10, 2010 by Joshua
"First, good job trying to keep your thoughts appropriate. Thoughts are hard.

Do you have a sponsor or an addiction counselor you are working with? If not, I'd really recommend one or both. Where's your computer at? Is it someplace visible, or someplace where you can be alone? I couldn't quite tell if you were going upstairs to be alone on the computer or just alone. Neither is probably a great idea if you are struggling with urges. I'm glad you have a filter.

Keep working on the thoughts. Be careful with your other things. I sense that you are really riding the line. Try to stay as far away from the line as you can.

If you can't get to a meeting, at least spend some time in the ARP manual working on the steps, or something else recovery related.

posted at 00:17:29 on November 11, 2010 by dstanley

Add a Comment:

***Anonymous User***     (login above to post UN-anonymously)

"Man has a dual nature; one, related to the earthly or animal life; the other, akin to the divine. Whether a man remains satisfied within what we designate the animal world, satisfied with what the animal world will give him, yielding without effort to the whim of his appetites and passions and slipping farther and farther into the realm of indulgence, or whether, through self-mastery, he rises toward intellectual, moral, and spiritual enjoyments depends upon the kind of choice he makes every day, nay, every hour of his life"

— David O. McKay