Healing Through Christ
By byourownhero
11/10/2010 3:08:33 PM
This talk was given by the wife of the brother whos talk I posted under"We Can Change" Great testimonies of working through the recovery process as a couple. This sister was in my group and she really worked the program. Followed the 5 commandments of recovery:
1. Pray in the morning
2. Read recovery literature daily
3. Call someone in recovery daily
4. Meetings - attend Twelve-Step Meetings
5. Pray again, and thank God daily for recovery

This couple has been in the program for less than a year!

Healing Through Christ
Christ understands what it is to be wronged and betrayed. He knows the feelings of being alone. During the crucial moments of the atonement, remember, Christ was betrayed by Judas, denied by Peter, and on the cross cried out, “My God, my god why hast thou forsaken me?” Amid this experience, Christ is the perfect example of love. We see this by his statement, “Father forgive them, they know no what they do.” Christ teaches us how to love ourselves and others. How do we love when we’ve been let down, hurt, or betrayed by a loved one?
I had a very difficult time loving myself when I experienced hurt from a loved one. Think of the story of the prodigal son. I was very much the elder brother constantly dwelling on the injustices of my situation. I was hurt, and I felt I had been wronged by a loved one, but who had the greater sin? I had the greater sin, because I was not looking to the Savior to take away my hurt, to teach me, or to guide me. Satan wanted me to feel that the actions of my loved one meant that I was emotionally, spiritually, and physically inadequate. Because of my unbearable hurt, my thought proccess, and the feeling of being utterly alone in my problems...I had no idea how to start healing. I didn’t and couldn’t realize that the adversary was feeding me my negative thought proccess and telling me the lie of shame that I was alone in my particular problems. I found myself in constant worry about the choices that my loved one was making, and thought that I had some responsibility in their agency...that if I did more or changed myself enough or prevented my loved one from making wrong choices, I could perhaps protect myself and my family’s future.
The great commandment “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself” instructs that one loves themselves first. I have found that amongst losing trust and being betrayed by a love one I can continue to love myself and others. Once I became aware that my own efforts to heal alone were not enough and that I could not and should not interfere with loved ones agency, that is when I let Christ in. Once I truly let Christ in, my healing began. I’d like to concentrate on three things that have helped me apply the healing of Christ’s atonement in my life.
The beginning of my healing came when I began to Seek for Knowledge. First off, I began reading the scriptures differently. The scriptures and morning prayer are the priority in the spiritual creation of our day. Each morning I pray for awareness. I read with faith knowing that some point I read will stick with me. Listen to the spirit and you will receive specific instruction of sacred work for you to do in your home.
In addition, the dark cloud of despair, began to disperse quickly when I added “how to” support guides to my personal study. I found truths to combat Satan’s lies and was able to grow my understanding. I know believe deeply, as is said in D&C 109: 7 We must “seek out of the best books words of wisdom, seek learning even by study and also by faith.” I continue to enjoy these spiritual support books in addition to my scripture study.


Healing Through Christ (2)    
"Many of the authors of these how to support books lived in situations that may be similar to yours, and they have been inspired to write about their experiences. Through these books the spirit can speak directly to the inner soul, giving specific direction. Authors can be personal angels. Likewise, these resources can point to support groups, whether they be online or in person. A call into the bookstore with a topic, will result in a list of many titles. Researching the books out on the internet can help to narrow down which are the “best books” for you as well as helping bring down the cost of the books. We need to grow and be uplifted by other’s testimonies and personal experiences.
The second way I have been able to love others and myself while healing is by learning about and establishing relationship boundaries. I’d like to share a story that helped me more clearly see why I needed to prayerfully establish healthy boundaries in my family relationships.
There once was a little boy, who knew of two trees. He loved to play outside in their shade and climb in their branches. The two trees loved the little boy, and the little boy loved the two trees. As the boy grew older, he moved away to pursue his life, but after a time he came back and visited the two trees. He was in need of money. He asked the trees for their fruit, so he could sell it. Both trees gave him all of their fruit, and the boy sold it at market, and they were all happy. A few years later he returned and told the trees he needed a house. He asked them for their branches. The first tree gave him her branches and the second tree explained that without her branches she would have no fruit, no shade, and could not love as trees were intended. The boy took the branches from the first tree, and all were happy. Years passed and the man returned. He wanted a boat and asked the trees for their trunks. The first tree gave him her trunk. The second tree explained that without her trunk she would have no fruit, no shade, and could not love as trees were intended too. So the man took the trunk of the first tree, and all were happy. Many more years passed away and the man grew old and tired. One day he returned to the two trees. They saw that he was tired and weary. He asked the first tree if he could rest on her. A little embarrassed of her condition, being only a stump, she hesitantly said yes. The old man came and sat on her stump. After a few minutes of sitting in the beating sun with no place for his back to rest, the man grew extremely uncomfortable. He gazed over to the second tree. He heard the noises of kids laughing and swinging from the branches, the chattering of birds, and saw the smiles of all who were picnicing, resting, and enjoying her shade. He left the first tree. She was not happy. He went to the second tree. The second tree was able to offer him fruit, a sturdy trunk to rest his tired back, long shady branches, and the smiles of those enjoying the tree as was intended.
Relationship boundaries are acts of love for oneself and others. A boundary is an explicit statement for a certain behavior. Heavenly Father is our mentor in establishing boundaries. He established boundaries for us because he loves us. In Elder James Paramore’s talk entitled “Hold On,” he says:
“Standards are everywhere. They are present in all aspects of our lives, from the moment we come to earth. They are necessary for us to be safe, to grow, to develop, and to be happy. Imagine the joy we felt when we learned that a beautiful earth had been created for us to come to. And imagine our satisfaction in learning that we would not be left without some standards or boundaries by which we could feel secure and protected, standards given by our Father in Heaven that would stand the test of time for us all. He would not leave us without this great protection, though giving us our freedom to accept or reject it. He would offer us his ways, his standards, his boundaries, his inspiration, and his direction and then let us exercise our agency to accept or reject them. He would make it clear in his standards that they are eternal, never changing, reliable, and truly safeguards.” In this statement we learn what healthy boundaries are. They are preventative instead of reactive, which is to say all parties involved know before hand what the consequence action will produce. Also, all must agree on the action and consequence. Good boundaries are not based in pride and dominion, but in truth and a motivation to love and protect. The most important underlying theme of good boundaries is that they are consistent over time and established prayerfully with the spirit’s guidance."
posted at 15:11:09 on November 10, 2010 by byourownhero
Healing Through Christ 3    
"I love how Moroni established boundaries with Zerahemnah, a Lamanite leader who had brought his armies against Moroni to destroy the Nephites. In Alma 44, verse 6 Moroni establishes a boundary by saying: “I command you by all the desires which ye have for life, that ye deliver up your weapons of war unto us, and we will seek not your blood, but we will spare your lives, if ye will go your way and come not again to war against us.”
Moroni’s boundary required Zerahemnah and his army to forsake their weapons and make an oath that they would not come to war against the Nephites again. If they would not, Moroni and his armies would inflict wounds of death on Zerahemnah’s men till they were extinct.
In verse 8, Zerahemnah delivered up his sword and his cimeter, and his bow into the hands of Moroni, and said unto him: Behold, here are our weapons of war; we will deliver them up unto you, but we will not suffer ourselves to take an oath unto you.
Moroni did not give in and say that was good enough. Moroni kept his boundary. Moroni kept in mind his initial purpose which was revealed in verse 5 to carry God’s name, to protect his faith, religion, rites of worship, the church, and sacred support owed to wives and children. He also established the boundary with their liberty in mind and the sacred word of God. Much bloodshed followed Zerahemnah’s refusal to make an oath, and did not end until Zerahemnah finally covenanted with them and made the oath.
Why is this such an awesome boundary? Moroni established a boundary by the spirit and was motivated by love and a desire to protect the lives, not only of his family and the families of his armies, but also the lives of the Lamanite army. Most importantly, Moroni didn’t compromise or accept Zerahemnah’s part way effort to complete the boundary. Even though some wounds were inflicted on his side, Moroni saw the bigger picture. The second tree saw the bigger picture. When establishing good boundaries in our homes, we must emulate Moroni, the second tree, and our Father in Heaven. Some of us may feel that we have good boundaries established with our children, but often our marriages may not have healthy boundaries. A good example of a boundary in my marriage is when yelling occurs, the person who yells, has to leave the home and return only when either of us rids ourselves of anger and comes back to resolve our initial issue. We may not be in immediate danger of losing our lives, but our spirit’s are fighting a constant battle. The more I study about boundaries and try to establish boundaries, I am in awe of the feelings of love that I receive from my Heavenly Father, my feelings of self love, and my love for others. Let us learn from our Heavenly Father, and from examples in the scriptures, how to make boundaries for our homes. The Spirit will direct us in this endeavor.
The last way that I’ve learned to love myself and my neighbors through times of trial is to identify and express my feelings. This too needs to be practiced daily. How many times are feelings expressed throughout the scriptures?
“I fear lest... “Oh my beloved son... “Behold my heart cries...
There are also endless accounts of hearts rejoicing throughout the scriptures. When our general authorities speak to us at conference they often share sincere feelings that permeate with us.
I began practicing identifying and expressing my feelings by giving my whole heart and mind to Heavenly Father in my prayers. I tell him exactly how I am feeling. He knows our feelings, but He is waiting to see if we will humble ourselves and give all of our joys, struggles, and insecurities to him.
The ultimate reason why we need to acknowledge our feelings is because that is how the Spirit talks to us. I love how Packer explained this in his talk entitled, “Finding Yourself in Lehi’s Vision”. He said “If you hold to the rod, you can feel your way forward with the gift of the Holy Ghost, conferred upon you at the time you were confirmed a member of the Church. The Holy Ghost will comfort you. You will be able to feel the influence of angels, as Nephi did, and feel your way through life.” I do not believe that Packer is saying that in life we must physically grope for the iron rod, but as in Galations 5:22-23 we read the fruits of the spirit are “love, djoy, epeace, flongsuffering, ggentleness, goodness, hfaith, aMeekness, btemperance: against such there is no law.
A feeling cannot be contested with. Identify what you are feeling and express your feelings often. Express your feelings to your loved ones. Listen and acknowledge those that express to you. Many heartaches and misunderstandings can be prevented by doing so. Sarcasm is often the result of a stuffed away feeling, resulting in hurting another, when your initial feelings were not openly expressed. Check in with your loved ones often making sure that you are understanding their feelings when you interact.
Brothers and Sisters, may we focus on our own healing when we have experienced hurt and pain. We will heal and we can forgive, even when trust is not there. I have a testimony of prayer. I have a testimony of Jesus Christ. I have a testimony of his atonement, and I am learning how to use it in my life daily. I testify that Christ becomes our companion when we seek for him, when we seek for knowledge. No effort goes unnoticed. I testify that prayerfully creating and abiding by boundaries in marriage, with children, and all that we come in contact with increases our love for ourselves and others. I testify that as we acknowledge our feelings and express them we will grow closer to the Spirit. We will be able to more clearly feel the direction he would have us take, and our love for others and ourselves will increase. I have a testimony of eternal family. Let us personalize the atonement and let Christ take over. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen."
posted at 15:12:24 on November 10, 2010 by byourownhero

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"Now brethren, the time has come for any one of us who is so involved to pull himself out of the mire, to stand above this evil thing, to “look to God and live” (Alma 37:47). We do not have to view salacious magazines. We do not have to read books laden with smut. We do not have to watch television that is beneath wholesome standards. We do not have to rent movies that depict that which is filthy. We do not have to sit at the computer and play with ographic material found on the Internet."

— Gordon B. Hinckley

General Conference, October 2004