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so far today was a good day
By Joshua
11/9/2010 10:13:41 PM
so today is day 3 if I get thru today. I was thinking that with my history and my triggers I would think it would be easier not to cave into the constant badgering of the temptation then do it because than the desire to do it gets keeping stronger and stronger every day when I do do it and at least when I remain strong and not do it the desire to do it gets just as strong but only on some days.

I start to look at pornographic material at the bookstore today and a little bit on the web but I left those areas so I didn't count as a slip

and thank you beclean for ur comments about how u can't stop the birds from flying over u but u can stop them nesting upon u. Today that helped alot and also to normalize the thought of " of course I would find whoever pretty given my past history that I almost chekc out every good looking girl that walks by but I do have the choice not to dwell on it and that is what I di did today when I began to dwell on it I said a prayer and then I distanced myself from that person as much as possible and it worked so thank you

Comments:

Hmmm    
"That's the nature of addiction. There is no logic to acting out. If it were a matter of doing the logical thing then we wouldn't act out.

When you say you started to look at porn, did you actually look at some and then stop, or did were you just headed towards looking and stopped?"
posted at 22:49:55 on November 9, 2010 by dstanley
Joshua    
"Your reports sound like success to me.

* You were tempted, which is natural.
* You may have given in for a minute or two, and the Savior can rescue you from that tendency as you turn yourself over to him. But considering your recent past, this is still a success in your case. You will be stronger next time.
* You stopped quickly and left the situation. Big success! Hurrah!
* You didn't dwell on it.
* You got back up and moved forward with life.
* You returned here and reported on your progress. Success!

Good job!! Please keep following that pattern. Don't let temptations and slip ups slow down your progress. Keep focused on the Lord. Work the 12 steps. Ask the Lord to change your desires and remove your shortcomings. He can, and he will, as you truly repent (through the 12 steps). He loves you. You are a good person."
posted at 09:36:00 on November 10, 2010 by BeClean
to DStanley    
"I started to flip thru some pages and start to read some from the bookstore but then I thought to myself time to go home to my wife. and when I was looking on the internet it was the same looked at some sites that were arosuing to me and after aboput 2-3 minutes my normal thoughts kicked and said do not do this time to get off ur bed and clean up some like u promised to ur wife and time to look for a job instead of wasting time here and make ur time more productive"
posted at 19:20:27 on November 10, 2010 by Joshua
Holy Ghost    
"I am SO grateful when those thoughts and feelings come that tell me to stop doing what I'm doing. Sometimes, when I'm furthest from the Lord and the Holy Ghost, those reminders don't come. I can move straight from temptation to acting out without ever evening thinking, "Don't do this...go to your wife...you know this is wrong."

That hasn't happened in a long time. I am so grateful for the Holy Ghost and the promptings that send me away from sin. I will try to always listen to them."
posted at 19:26:39 on November 10, 2010 by BeClean
It's all in what you call a slip    
"To me, 2-3 minutes of looking is a clear slip. Don't get me wrong, I think it's great that you were able to cut it off at that, but 2-3 minutes of looking is still looking. I would guess that a sponsor or counselor would tell you the same thing. I totally get if you're looking at something that shouldn't have anything arousing in it and then come across something that is and close the site or book, that's something you can't help, but going to a site or book that you know is going to be arousing is something altogether different. I'm not trying to rain on your parade, but Step 1 is about honesty, and I think you need to be honest with yourself and others about what you're doing. In my opinion saying you didn't slip because it was only a couple minutes isn't very honest and will keep you from finding the recovery you want. If you think looking at porn is OK as long as you don't do it for more than 2-3 minutes at a time, then continue on. If not, you might want to rethink what is a slip.

Again, I'm not trying to be mean or anything. I just think that from my knowledge of church doctrine and recovery, 2-3 minutes is a slip."
posted at 00:08:07 on November 11, 2010 by dstanley
Clarification    
"And for the record--though you are not arguing with me--I have never said that 2-3 minutes is not a slip. It is.

But if recent history shows that an addict looks at porn and masturbates 3 times per day for 10-30 minutes each time, then when that same addict is able to break away after 2-3 minutes without masturbating, I'm willing to call it success...at least the first few times it happens. After that, I'll be looking for even more improvement. We all know its hard to break the cycle and the habits that are so severely ingrained into us. If anyone can step out of the regular cycle midway, they are starting to make progress, with the Lord's help. It may be a slip, but it is also success. You don't have to be perfectly clean to call something success, in my opinion."
posted at 09:39:15 on November 11, 2010 by BeClean
I agree BeClean    
"I'm impressed that he was able to stop at 2-3 minutes. I don't think I've ever stopped 2-3 minutes into anything. I have managed to turn down a few offers to meet for sex, but that's even pretty hard for me. I pretty much know I need to stop before things get started at all. So, I am thrilled he had this success, I just think he's being less than honest with himself if he thinks he didn't slip."
posted at 10:23:55 on November 11, 2010 by dstanley
my thoughts of slips, mess ups, and hope for a better future    
"u know I would think that for those that are so entrenched in this to say they have looked for 2-3 mins and then to stop it that would be success so that is why I said I was still clean for given my history if I am like I messed up I looked at something for 2-3 mins and now I can't take the sacrament as my bishop saids if I abstian for one week then the next, then the next, etc I would be able to take the sacrament for that past week that I have abstained and I was alos talking to my bishop soem while back about how I distart to look for like 2-3 mins then agian a few days later or maybe same day but I never got to the point of masterbating to point of no return..back then I felt I di abstain for I was so entrenched but now a days if I look once then look again same day over and over again for only like 2-3 mins but never masterbated I would call it that u did look at porn for I feel I am not so entrenched into it now a days I would say if a person looked for like 2-3 mins thena few days later looks again for the same amt of mins he is getting awfully close to the lile of slipping but he hasn't I would say it counts as soemthing that he di try to keep his thoughts focused and for that he should be rewarded by taking the sacrament of that is the agreement between u and the bishop which I feel is is the agreement betwen me and my bishop so I guess what I am trying to say is the less and less entrenched a person feels the more that he shouldd be making himself accountable for his actions for if he keeps on saying to himself oh I looked or started to masterbated for a feww secinds or few minutes therefore I messed up , there is no hope for me and why bother if I am only going to mess up by looking for a few seconds or few minutes or doing it to the point fo no return three months from now then there would be no success and no hope of onbtaining sobriety forever and forever. these are my thoughts given my history on acting out and looking at porn and masterbating and that is if u read my other blog today I feel I am at day seven of staying clean"
posted at 15:44:46 on November 13, 2010 by Joshua
Progress vs Sobriety    
"I think you have to separate the idea of progress from the idea of sobriety. For someone deeply entrenched, 2-3 minutes is progress and should be celebrated. It isn't sobriety though. It is hard when you first start out because you may not have a lot of total sobriety. You have to look at progress. You might want to talk to your bishop, but my guess is that he means for you to be sober, and looking isn't sobriety. I didn't take the Sacrament for about 2.5 years. It's hard, but I wanted to be worthy to take it when I did. At this point my bishop hasn't said that I can't take it if I slip at all. I'd say you should discuss it with your bishop, but also being able to take the Sacrament and sobriety isn't necessarily the same thing either.

As far as hope goes, there is always hope. Just over 3 years ago, I was having sex with a man whose name I didn't know before I gave him my address. 2-3 years ago I was blowing off things with friends to spend hours on chat sites. 2.5 years ago I came home from rehab and had sex with a married man and continued to be with him for several months. Not quite 2 years ago I married a man I barely knew because I was so desparate to have a man in my life. But.....2 years ago I ended the sexual relationship with the married man who treated me like crap. About a 1.5 ago I kicked out my emotionally abusive husband. In the last 2 years I have acted out maybe a total of about 14 days in 5 or 6 sets of slips, and none of that has been sex. It was almost all just masturbation. I'm working the steps and making progress with the underlying issues that caused my addiction. There is hope! When I read your first post I thought you were about to be in some serious trouble, and now you are doing lots better. You don't have to be sober for some length of time to have hope. I see tons of hope for you. Rather or not taking the Sacrament should be part of your reward for your progress is up to your bishop, but you should be proud of your progress. One thing I do is every day I try to write down at least two things I'm proud of that day. Even on days I slip I try to find something such as limiting the slip, or hanging on longer before the slip, or trying more things to keep from slipping. It helps me.

You are doing good. I just think it would help you to be totally honest with yourself about sobriety. Sobriety isn't a moving target, progress is."
posted at 17:08:34 on November 13, 2010 by dstanley


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"Don’t live your life in despair, feeling sorry for yourself because of the mistakes you have made. Let the sunshine in by doing the right things—now. It may be difficult to begin, but pick up the scriptures and immerse yourself in them. Look for favorite passages. Lean on the Master’s teachings, on His servants’ testimonies. Refresh your parched soul with the word of God. The scriptures will give you comfort and the strength to overcome. "

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