Emotion and Urges
By dstanley
11/8/2010 11:22:06 PM
I am reminded again today of how much my emotional health affects my recovery. I have been having a hard time emotionally again. I'm back on all of my meds (my doctor had taken me off of one), but still struggling with some depression and finding it hard to be motivated to do things when I have the opportunity. I am a single mom of an 8 year old and an 11 month old. That brings its own set of challenges. My mom is also out of town (she'll be back tomorrow, yea) which doesn't help. I feel a bit trapped. I love my boys, but it is hard to be all on my own. Their well being is all on my shoulders (my first husband has my oldest some, but that's probably worse). The only break I've had this last week is when the babysitter came so I could go to ARP. I even took my youngest with me to counseling. Anyways, my urges have increased as well. I'm reminded how much my urges are tied to my emotional health. I am reminded of how important it is to not just stop my acting out behaviors, but to heal the underlying issues that caused me to become addicted in the first place. For me, a big one is that I have very intense emotions (good and bad) and I'm still learning how to deal with those in a healthy way. In the past I've either stuffed them or acted out. Today I'm trying to experience them and not act out. To just be sad and stressed and be OK with it. I also need to work on patience. Patience to get healthy before trying to get into another relationship, and patience for things to get better.

So, part of me wants to act out right now, but the rest of me knows how I would feel if I did, so I choose to keep this Day 11 and stay sober.



You can do it D    
"You are more powerful and amazing than you could ever imagine.

I am not addicted to Porn, but as you know I live with the effects of it and one thing I know is that if Satan can get you, he can effect your boys. From reading your posts, I can see the love you have for your children and I have always believed that there are extra special blessing for single moms...And you my dear sister D, are no exception.

Listen to Miley Ray Cyrus's song "The Climb" tonight on you tube. I find that so inspiring. My daughter pulled it up the other day and it brought tears to my eyes. I am pasting that link along with another called "Come to Jesus" in hopes that it will help you get though tonight... />

Love you sista D,

Thanks Angel    
"Thank you so much. Being a single mom is so hard, and I worry so much that I'm not enough for my boys, especially my 8 year old since his dad is in his life but not a great influence.

Thanks for the songs. The Miley song was great, and I love "Come to Jesus". It was great to listen to both of them.

I think I'm going to head to bed so I can get up on time tomorrow. I'll post again tomorrow and let you know that I made it through tonight. :) (I'm sure I will)"
posted at 00:23:17 on November 9, 2010 by dstanley
Day 12    
"Just thought I'd say that I made it through last night, so on to Day 12. I pick up my mom from the airport (she's coming home from a vacation) today, so hopefully that will help along with the other things I'm doing."
posted at 11:26:39 on November 9, 2010 by dstanley
Hurrah for Israel.    
"Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah!

I'm so happy you made it through your trial. That makes the next one easier. You CAN do this, with the Lord. You don't have to give in every time."
posted at 11:39:32 on November 9, 2010 by BeClean
i saw that movie    
"I wanted to write something but I had to think about it a little bit. Seeing how I got smashed on my other comment, I'll try it this way.

I totally know how you feel via the emotional things. Life is extremely difficult when you have emotional/depression issues. Unless someone has this themselves, they won't understand. So I totally know how you feel, or have at least felt similar feelings. Hang in there. One moment at a breath. If its too much take smaller steps.

Ask your home teachers/relief society/young women to babysit...the infamous, 'is there anything we can do?' Line, 'well, actually yes, could you watch my kid, so I can do ____________'. You have to get out of the house once + a while or you go crazy...I would suggest not to compound the situation by staying locked in. You're still a girl and a person. Its okay to socialize + do things. Don't allow guilt to stop you from experiences.

One more thought. Fasting. I have done this without prayer + such, but more on the I'm going to skip a meal, to control myself. If you can control can control more parts of your body. So if you can control the hunger you can control sex stuff. Imo. I have learned better control of myself. Now I am not saying to starve yourself don't do that! And also if you add the spiritual side to it, you'd probably increase your control better. I have yet to learn the spiritual side of fasting, so someone else might have a better grip on that then me.

So I'm just saying + something to consider. Re-read christs temptations in the new testament + ponder what elements are the 3 temptations...I'll help with the first one...hunger, passion, control over his body, appetites, the need, desire, etc......
posted at 15:12:03 on November 10, 2010 by Anonymous
"Thanks for understanding. Depression does make addiction (and life) more challenging. I also have ADD which also brings it's own challenges although I don't find that impacts my addiction as much.

I have a hard time with letting other people help me. I'm getting a little bit better. I have someone who watches my son(s) for me while I do my visit teaching. Partly, I'm not sure what I'd go do. I think it's mostly the trapped feeling. I probably need to get better at letting people help.

Fasting is a hard one for me. One of my other struggles is eating. I have a tendancy to not eat, especially if I get stressed, so eating 3 meals a day is a goal that I monitor my progress on. I do fast on fast Sundays, and I do find that it helps to remind me that I don't have to act on urges.

Thanks for your reply."
posted at 17:47:24 on November 10, 2010 by dstanley
Good Call, WT    
"I've recently become aware that the three main temptations I struggle with are unbridled lusts/passions, pride, and greed/selfishness. Those seem to be related to Christ's temptations..."
posted at 17:49:12 on November 10, 2010 by beclean

Add a Comment:

***Anonymous User***     (login above to post UN-anonymously)

"Nothing is beyond [Christ’s] redeeming reach or His encircling empathy. Therefore, we should not complain about our own life’s not being a rose garden when we remember who wore the crown of thorns! Having bled at every pore, how red His raiment must have been in Gethsemane, how crimson that cloak! No wonder, when Christ comes in power and glory, that He will come in reminding red attire, signifying not only the winepress of wrath, but also to bring to our remembrance how He suffered for each of us in Gethsemane and on Calvary!"

— Neal A. Maxwell

General Conference May 1987