By dstanley
11/1/2010 12:53:11 AM
This isn't totally addiction related, although it could be a trigger. I got the following text today from my second ex.

“How long do you think you can hide from me? News for ya babe is that I’m coming home to take my son from you. Or ya know when I’m back in town perhaps we could deanna marie Stanley sit down like two adults and work out what has you all quiet and do what’s best for luke (our son).”

A little background. He and I met online when I was rebounding from ending an addictive relationship. After a lot of talking and him coming here for a few days, I flew to Hawaii, and we were married by his bishop father. He told me just enough ahead of time that I thought he was being honest. I knew he was an addict (he told me he had had some trouble with porn and mb), but boy was there much more he left out. He molested some children before he was 18 (and was sent home from his mission when he admitted one of the instances). He was convicted of domestic violence (which was worse than he led me to believe). He was emotionally abusive and highly manipulative. I found out after I kicked him out that he had a child porn problem and that he had cheated on me. He wanted me pregnant because he believed I wouldn't leave him if I was. We tried counseling, but he refused to put forth any effort. I had told him that I didn't want to have unprotected s~x with him, but he gave me a guilt trip (it's not right for you to deny me, etc) until I caved. After getting pregnant and him continuing to ignore my pleas, not show any progress in counseling, and have my counselor and bishop all but tell me to get out, I finally had the courage to do what was best for me, my son, and my future child and kicked him out. I got a restraining order against him. He tried to convince me that I had to put the baby up for adoption if I divorced him. Our divorce was final before the baby was born. I believe he is back in Hawaii. He still harasses me. He talks about wanting to get back together. He still tries to get me to place our son for adoption. He hasn't sent a penny and never asks about him.

So I'm a little scared. He texted me before that he had the money to come here for our son's 1st birthday (which is in a month). Who knows what he thinks he's going to do. I'm going to call an attorney tomorrow to get an appointment to see what else I can do to protect my son and myself. I may call the police and report the text as well, even though I don't think they'll do anything since he's out of state. I guess the part that is important for my recovery is to be honest about my emotions and to not stuff them. So aside from being scared, I'm sad, I feel guilty (that my son has him for a father), and I'm angry at myself and my ex. I guess the other big thing is that this a little bit makes me want to go find the first half decent guy I can so that I can terminate my ex's rights and have someone else adopt him. I start to wonder if I should have placed him somewhere where my ex couldn't find him and he wouldn't have any rights. I worry about what will happen to my son if something happens to me.

Anyways, I have to go to bed and get some sleep, but I needed to get some of this off of my chest.


"That's intense. I don't understand anything on that level but on the manipulation thing I think its good you address shitty texts etc like that and get them out in the open some how. I've found bull crap doesn't stand long among second opinions. Manipulators thrive in secretive situations cause they can make you think your crazy. That's all really. Good job on addressing it."
posted at 01:18:50 on November 1, 2010 by They Speak

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"As Latter-day Saints, we need not look like the world. We need not entertain like the world. Our personal habits should be different. Our recreation should be different. Our concern for family will be different. As we establish this distinctiveness firmly in our life’s pattern, the blessings of heaven await to assist us."

— Robert D. Hales

"Gifts of the Spirit" Ensign, Feb. 2002