By Joshua
10/28/2010 10:58:10 PM
okay I tried to do this after coming home from work and when I was about to go to I will try this again

I messed up it all started when I was being the boob and gawking at the co worker and fantazing about her and what I would like to do with her well as I was doing this and thinking to myself its just gawking it will not hurt anyone ( I am also convinced she is either flattered or thinks nothing of it when I gawk as I assume by now she knows) so that doesn't help matters so after that I decided to look up at least to me innapropriate stuff on my phone thinking it is Just getting and "education" and anyways after all that stimuli thinking i can handle that i failed and ended up doing it in the bathroom at work again ( i think it is a bit of voyageurism) I hate that I do this that it seems history denotes that eventually I will get stimuli that I crave and eventually act out. For me there is no way around it now a days u walk anywhere outside ur home even sometimes at church there is girls showing some skin when they should only be doing that in their marriage in their bedroom wearing that or it could be a billboard of the same thing or a commercial on tv it is everywhere and as a sexual being in the 1st place and solving my urges in appropiately ever since i was in my ealry teens at times has led me to believe why bother to try because after a 1, 2 or myabe 3 weeks of abstaining despite scripture study, praying, etc calling upon God when I am feeling overwhelmed throughout the course of the day it doesn't go away in fact sometimes it comes stronger ironically I thought I was going to be stronger and not gawk anymore not have any conversations unless it is related to work for a few moments I thought I was going to be strong ust like that 1st day when I was able to do it as I still can see that my relationship has been aligined on the same path as Phil Harrison in his book the worth of the soul as he eventually commits adultery or another person that I heard of how in his situation he eventually commited adultery

well anyways now that I am done my rant...I went to arp today and there was talk of the nephites who went into cycles about being doo they get blessed when they were bad well it was Just hard for them and I also realized this past week that when I am first tempted I do have a choice and how wonderful! and awesome ! that is so I Just need to choose to the right whenever ti comes and develop my relationship with my Saviour and come onto him then things will be easier as I will have his help and I noticed recently that whenever I do study the scriptures it brings to remembrace my covenantas I made so that put things into proper prospective

anyways I thought I would update


As my wise SPONSOR once told me...    
"you can't keep the birds from flying overhead, but you CAN keep them from building a nest in your hair. :)"
posted at 00:23:07 on October 29, 2010 by Anonymous
"If all women wore burkas would that help?

Maybe you could think of this woman you're gawking at as the woman who is going to take a knife and murder your entire family. Maybe she wouldn't be as appealing or maybe you could get some perspective on what you're dabbling with. Pride... We ALL think it will never happen to us. And yes, if you're doing that in the bathroom at work chances are, praying and reading your scriptures every day aren't going to cut it. I'm glad you went to ARP today. That IS a step in the right direction. WAKE UP! This is going to KILL you! Play the tape where you are alone, excommunicated, and suicidal. You still have the chance to change directions. Where's your sponsor? What Step are you on? What meeting are you going to tomorrow? What actions are you going to take to get IN the program? Please, Joshua. I know it sounds harsh. Would you rather I blow smoke up your ass and lie to you?"
posted at 04:07:00 on October 29, 2010 by Anonymous
How badly do you want...    
" be free?

We know where you are at, Joshua. We've been in similar places and had similar feelings...

And it scares the heck out of us.

Run, Joseph! Flee fornication! We cannot judge you--we are just your friends, hoping to help--but you don't seem too serious about making necessary changes.

Realize: You are out of control. You can't overcome these temptations and thoughts--you need a Savior. Turn yourself to him with EVERYTHING you have in you. What does he want you to be doing? Do it!

We pray for you. You are in a scary place, Joshua."
posted at 10:35:08 on October 29, 2010 by BeClean
Blowing that smoke could be an option    
"Coupled with some rocket fuel in the toilet bowl that might help Josh thank me later buddy.

You sure are embarking on some serious voyage to a mental and emotional portion of hell that you and I never imagined and there aint no isms in that one."
posted at 14:08:19 on October 29, 2010 by ruggaexpat

Add a Comment:

***Anonymous User***     (login above to post UN-anonymously)

"One of the false notions of our society is that we are victims of our appetites and passions. But the truth is that the body is controlled by the spirit which inhabits it."

— Terrance D. Olson

“Teaching Morality to Your Children,” Ensign, Mar. 1981