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What can I do?
By migail3
10/24/2010 10:43:38 PM
I have been an advocate for child safety. I have worked with the Child Protective Services and have taught the Youth Protection class to adult scout leaders. I have experienced the addictive power that Porn has on myself. I have seen how it sexualizes every thought. When you mix that with alcohol you have the makings of an out of control raging forest fire.
I have overcome this through the Atoning Blood of my Redeemer Jesus Christ. He has transformed my life and made me an instrument in His hands.

But, how do I handle this? I learned this evening that my 14 year old grandaughter has been sending semi nude photos of her self to a man in his 20's. Her mother, (my daughter) is in recovery herself for multiple addictions. Her mother just took away all priviledges of her cell phone and her social networks like facebook.
I have been speaking with my daughter as to what my role might be. I thought that I might invite her to spend her winter school break with me and my wife. My wife feels that we shouldn't do this as it would remove her from her mom's sight for a week and the she will find a way to start in with her acting out. This little girl smokes and has already been caught drinking.

I have been an Enabler and my first reactions have always been to make an excuse for bad behavior. I have a feeling that my wife is right again and that I should let it alone and let her mom handle it. Her mom has put her in counseling as well.

My plight illustrates the enormity of the Porn problem that is now going through the ranks of our youth all the way down to childhood.

Any good books come to mind?

Comments:

Migail,    
"Bless you for being a good grandpa! I think you answered your own question in your post. You said, "I have a feeling my wife is right and that I should let it alone and let her mom handle it."
Great instinct, Mig! In my opinion, that is exactly right. You can be a shoulder to lean on for your daughter but try not to tell her what you think she should do. Maybe you could just "reinforce" her when she seems to be handling it in a healthy way and help her to not get caught up in blaming herself. Perhaps offer to help her if she decides the law needs to be involved. The old enabler in me would have gone straight over there to save the day and only created a bigger mess in doing so. I think you've come a long way to have the presence of mind to pause and ask for other opinions. Good job! And good luck to your grand-daughter. I went through one heck of a rebellious stage myself. I have a feeling that you've had a good influence on your daughter and she will handle the situation properly.
Like you, my first instinct is to find the guy and string him up! But if you jump over your daughter to do it, it may create more problems. Good luck."
posted at 23:13:25 on October 24, 2010 by Anonymous
Wow, that's a hard one    
"I'd say keep praying about it and talking to your wife and daughter to see how you might best help. It sounds like your daughter is doing a pretty good job of handling it, although I don't know if she might also want to let the cops know so they can go after the guy. I can't say that I have any book ideas. Good luck."
posted at 23:53:12 on October 24, 2010 by dstanley
Believe, Gods Purity Plan for Teens    
"Pray and ask God what to do. He may say nothing. I think that is where we get into problems with co dependency. We get in Gods way.

Believe, Gods Purity Plan for Teens, is a DVD, also Good Enough to Wait, and Princes take longer than Frogs, I gave this to my daughter who is not married. Her first response was OH MOM, then after she viewed it, she was having all her friends view it.
CD, Raising sexually successful teens, All this material can be found on drdougweiss.com, I have passed this information on to some of my family members who have had youth struggling. They were young men. The report back was that the information was amazing. Believe, was given to their Stake President and he is going to have it viewed in his stake.
Born for War is a new DVD. Sounds very powerful.
For co dependence, I loved, How to Love when it hurts so bad. Prayers to you and your family, I hope this helps. This should be great information for your daughter and help her parent."
posted at 00:58:04 on October 25, 2010 by BYOUROWNHERO
Thank you all    
"Last night while I was shaving, the idea came into my head that if my daughter sitll has my grandaughters cell phone in her position, then it has the phone number of this man who was soliciting my grandaughter. All she has to do is turn it over to the Child Protective Services and they will track him down.

Those suggestions gave me a "burning in the bosom" feeling. This is a must do on my list. Thank you so much byourownhero."
posted at 22:14:20 on October 25, 2010 by migail3
Check this out    
"I attended Time Out For Women last weekend. Jill Manning was a presenter. She's the author of "What's The Big Deal About Pornography". She told us in her talk that there's an FBI site specifically for keeping our children safe. I looked it up for you and found this address. This is a crime and it tells you what to do when your child is endangered.
http://www.fbi.gov/stats-services/publications/parent-guide/parent-guide />
Good luck!"
My worries    
"There are a bunch of primary kids in my ward who are inviting me to be their buddy on facebook. Seriously one kid is 6 or 7 I think. How does a kid that young get on facebook? Asking for trouble. Mig this is a serious situation for your family. You may get rid of this criminal but your grandaughter needs a good discussion as to the dangers. If she is sending the stuff out herself, she is begging for attention, attention she probably feels has been missing in her life from loved ones. She may kick and scream but she wants someone to understand her and tell her she is worth it. Good thing she was caught now than later. She really needs to know she is loved by someone, anyone. Let that be one of the loved ones instead of a stranger.

It sounds like your daughter may be too involved in her own recovery and problems to give her child the necessary emotional and spiritual guidance. It would be right to expect her to take charge but if she does not have a good connection with her daughter then its best you or another leader in the family take her under the wings and help her realize her worth. Wow this is a real challenge.

Good luck I pray that the Lord offers you all the guidance for this situation."
posted at 09:12:57 on October 26, 2010 by ruggaexpat
Your'e right on target.    
"My oldest daughter was born to my first wife and I before I joined the church. My first wife left me and took custody. They moved several hundred miles away and she was raised without the blessings that the gospel brings. My daughter was an alcoholic before she graduated from high school. Her daughter (my granddaughter) is now 14 and your description is right on target. Very insightful. She is screaming for attention. I am counseling with my daughter but she is only about 10 months sober and goes to meetings practically every night. Sigh!!!!!

I am doing what I can without becoming the Enabler, which for me is soooooo easy.
Thank You"
posted at 21:05:47 on October 26, 2010 by migail3
Migail,    
"You're a great grandpa!"
posted at 08:14:38 on October 27, 2010 by Anonymous


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"The Savior teaches that we will have tribulation in the world, but we should "be of good cheer" because He has "overcome the world". His Atonement reaches and is powerful enough not only to pay the price for sin but also to heal every mortal affliction… He knows of our anguish, and He is there for us. Like the good Samaritan in His parable, when He finds us wounded at the wayside, He binds up our wounds and cares for us. Brothers and sisters, the healing power of His Atonement is for you, for us, for all. "

— Dallin H. Oaks

General Conference October 2006