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By tj556
10/21/2010 10:58:51 PM
This isn't really an addiction problem, but I couldn't think of anywhere else to go for good Mormon help. I have been looking at porn for a while now, but I think I am finally done with it. My main problem is that I really like a girl at my school, but I am only 14 and want to obey the church's rules and not date. However I can't stop thinking about her and it is starting to affect my life. When I see her talking and laughing with other people I get really frustrated and cannot concentrate. We are not really friends and I barely ever talk to her. Please help! Also I want to know some ways I can control myself and not go back to viewing pornography again. Thanks.

Comments:

Addiction    
"You say it's not an addiction problem, but I wonder if it is. If you can't stop looking at porn on your own then you're probably addicted. Have you talked to your bishop or parents? I'd suggest talking to them and looking at the Recovery Manual, and keep coming back here."
posted at 23:49:29 on October 21, 2010 by dstanley
RUN TJ RUN    
"You are a chosen Son of God. You have a calling that the Lord and his army needs you to do.
Satan will do all that he can to stop that from happening, to stop you from being all you can be, to stop you from reaching your full potential. I am so glad that you came here. We need you to be a strong Son of God!

Porn is the biggest tool of the Devil and his angles. He wants control of your body because he does not have one. He and his angels desire above all else to have control of your body and to pull you down and inflict this awful plague upon you and your future.

In the scriptures it tells us to turn and run from lust. Why? Why is it so important for our brains to stay clean??? When you are aroused sexually by looking at porn your brain creates glue to what you are looking at or thinking. Your brain does not know the difference between fantasy and reality. You are creating nuro pathways when you view porn. Changes in your brain and how it functions. Viewing porn gives your brain cookies( chemical releases ) that your body and brain will crave. God created us sexually. He created Sex. He also gives us commandments, guide lines, to keep us safe. No lusting, no fornicating,( sex outside of the the marriage bond), no adultery, (no sex with anyone other than your spouse)

It feels good to look at beautiful bodies. This is Gods plan. He wanted us to crave each other in our marital bonds. Our brains give off chemicals when we are sexually aroused, hormones being one of them. God wanted us to desire and cling to our marital partnerour eternal companion. To glue to each other physicall. When you arouse yourself by looking at porn or thinking of what you saw on the porn site your brain is releasing those chemicals and soon it wants more, and more. Thus, Addiction. This is true for both men and women.

It is normal for a boy your age who is experiencing the surge of hormones that make you into a man, to have thoughts and desires. That is how you were created. Now you have to learn how to bridal that strong drive. Looking at porn will make it impossible for you to have control of your body, which in turn will kill your spirit. Making your soul sick. You will break the love of your life's heart if you cannot break this awful habit.

The girl you find so irresistible could have a resemblance to someone you saw on a porn site. The same color hair, smile??? Your brain takes off!

What to do??
First PRAY!!! Talk to your Heavenly Father like you have talked to us. Be honest! Ask him for the courage to go to your parents.
Tell your parents you have been viewing porn. You will feel so much better. Ask them to install blockers on your computers and cell phone if you have one.
Talk to your bishop!
The church has a web site, combatingpornography.org, go to that website. There is a special tab for youth. Your parents will find help there also.
drdougweiss.com is a site that has great information for youth who are struggling with looking at porn. He is Christian.

TJ take action! Take action for freedom! We want you to be ALL you can be!
Please let us know how your are doing. We will pray for you."
posted at 02:21:12 on October 22, 2010 by BYOUROWNHERO
Ummm...    
"Other than some previous porn viewing (which is bad and must be addressed), is TJ doing anything wrong with this girl he's thinking about? It doesn't seem too scary to me...

TJ, it sounds like you have a very normal crush on a girl you haven't gotten to know yet. Find a way to get to know her. Say hi to her once in a while. Be her friend. When you are both at least 16, ask her out on a date. For now, though, be her friend. I don't think you are doing anything wrong to have feelings of attraction--and even jealousy at times--about this girl. Just keep the thoughts clean. Most 14 year old boys have crushes on girls. So do 12, 10, and even 7 year old boys. My 3-year-old boy goes a little red when we talk about a girl that is his friend. You are normal.

As for the porn, first know that being attracted to that stuff is also normal. You are not weird or bad for feeling a desire to look at that stuff. You are normal.

But I've heard drug addicts say porn is worse than cocaine, so please stay away from it. How? How badly do you want to avoid all the problems that the people on this site are facing? That stuff causes HUGE problems. We all wish we had never become addicted. You are SO, SO blessed to be on this website when you are so young, when you have just started.

So, you are NORMAL for being attracted to a girl. You are NORMAL for being attracted to porn. You are NORMAL for having questions about sex. You are NORMAL for touching yourself a few times. You are NORMAL for being tempted.

But you are not normal--you are BETTER than normal, you are BLESSED and watched over--for coming to this website and for learning that you don't want to follow a life of addiction. Good job! Keep up the good work. When you are tempted to look at something you shouldn't, don't be ashamed. Tell yourself, "I am normal. These feelings are normal. These thoughts are normal. But I don't have to do what I'm being tempted to do." Then, turn off the computer and go work on something else, or go tell your parents (or your bishop) that you were tempted, but you didn't give in. It feels so good to tell someone that. You can even come here to this site, and let us all know whenever you are tempted. Tell us how you are doing.

You're doing great, my friend."
posted at 10:42:07 on October 22, 2010 by BeClean
Well said BeClean    
"BeClean is right. I don't think I have any else to add other than to say, you have friends here, and your Father in Heaven will ALWAYS love you. Good luck TJ!"
posted at 12:18:28 on October 22, 2010 by paul
Thanks    
"Thank you all. This is such a great site."
posted at 23:07:28 on October 23, 2010 by TJ556
How are you doing?    
"I know we are on a need to know basis. But I need to know?:-))"
posted at 00:40:51 on October 24, 2010 by Byourownhero
The Savior can help you do anything.    
"TJ,
Your blog has taken me back. I strongly encourage you to follow the church’s standards as you are trying to do. They are wise guidelines. I have a relative who got a boyfriend at 14 and was pregnant and married at 16. I agree that there isn’t anything wrong with having a girl that you like. The problem may be with the level that you obsess about her. Since you have addictive tendencies this isn’t too surprising. We have an addiction of the mind and fantasy can be a big part of that. We can get into real trouble in our minds without ever doing anything physically. Everything is perfect in a fantasy world. The grass is always greener on the other side. This isn’t as big of a problem right now as it is when you get older. An addict can have the perfect wife and not be satisfied because even the perfect wife can’t compete with fantasy. One of the problems with fantasy is that we can be totally selfish and our partner never complains. We never have to think about anyone but ourselves and our wants.

I suggest you follow BeClean’s advice and make this girl a friend. It would be good so that you can hopefully let go of your fantasy relationship with her in favor of a real one. I always had “girlfriends” growing up, but none of them knew it, so I think I understand where you are at. You must have some degree of a fantasy relationship in your own mind or you wouldn’t be jealous. You might also find some other girl(s) that you are closer to and develop good friendships with them. They may not be the visions of loveliness that this other girl is, but can be a good thing. Personality is the important stuff of real relationships. Porn addiction focuses on the visual, the artificial and less important stuff. The last “fantasy girl friend” that I had transferred over when I got old enough to date and asked her out even though we had hardly ever talked. I dated her a number of times and then got my heart broken when she asked out another guy to the girls choice dance. Admiring a girl from afar can feel good, but living in any kind of fantasy world is dangerous for an addict. Addiction is most often an escape from reality. I would try to develop a real friend or find a way to let her go.

I hope that helps in some way. The 12 step program can help you with any problem. Know that we care about you.

John"
posted at 16:25:54 on October 28, 2010 by justjohn


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"Lucifer will do all in his power to keep you captive. You are familiar with his strategy. He whispers: “No one will ever know.” “Just one more time.” “You can’t change; you have tried before and failed.” “It’s too late; you’ve gone too far.” Don’t let him discourage you. When you take the path that climbs, that harder path of the Savior, there are rewards along the way. When you do something right, when you resist temptation, when you meet a goal, you will feel very good about it. It is a very different kind of feeling than you have when you violate commandments—an altogether different feeling. It brings a measure of peace and comfort and provides encouragement to press on. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990