A spiritual brat!
By They Speak
10/21/2010 4:57:13 PM
I dont know how else to explain it. I think of what denotes a brat and spiritually that's me. I believe that, and surely among other things, is/was at the heart of my fall from grace. For surely a year and half ago I had found a measure of grace for a season. What joy! What peace!... What bitter lamentation... I sold out for a lot less then a mess of pottage. I rebelled in eternally monolithic fashion...because I'm a brat. And continue to be hence my The Truth Is post (though I actually like that post. Helped me get real and see the truth).

On the way to and at meeting I was pondering on my frustration with not receiving when I ask and how my life seems one large repeatative testimony to the contrary of Jesus's admonition. And how I'm a temper tantruming five year old about it.

No real deep understanding save this came to me. In order to survive, taking step 2 in the process, I'm simply going to have to trust that perhaps God has a better idea. Even if I'm forced to conclude that's generally the case almost every single time I exercise any or all the faith I can muster do to it being repeatedly blasted to smithereens. Not because that's exactly true or false but out of pure necessity I think I must believe this in order for me to continue trustingly take step 2 in the face of future failure and painful past experience in spite of faith exercised. I guess the moral of Aesop's fable proved reliable in this instance; "necessity is the mother of invention". Ha! As if Edison was needed to conclude that perhaps God may have finer plans outside the vast box of my own genius!

Then in meeting someone spoke being addicted to perfection after I had mentioned my huffyness with and over not receiving, after having asked and worked for, the satisfaction and blessing of reading the entire Book Of Mormon...yesterday (how dare you God?! How dare you??). Not that that's unattainable p.s.. Well anyway, I am asking myself anew if I have a problem with the fall (things not being prefect) and being addicted to falsely hoping for and chasing the "your life can be a witness to you and everyone around you that the forbidden fruit actually was never eatin" rainbow. Perfect world. Prefect me. Who needs a Savior? Am I addicted to prefection? With Paul I need to glory in that weakness baby!

I think I'm rambling; ah, blessed excedrin.

One more thing. The facilitator spoke of lowering our expectations. I'm thinking about it.


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"The solution to this problem ultimately is neither governmental nor institutional. Nor is it a question of legality. It is a matter of individual choice and commitment. Agency must be understood. The importance of the will in making crucial choices must be known. Then steps toward relief can follow."

— Russell M. Nelson