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Satan the inexhaustible
By They Speak
10/19/2010 12:39:58 PM
as some of you've read lately, by the grace of God (even amidst my fist shaking at heaven), I seem to keep getting snatched out of the jaws of hell by the skin of my teeth over and over and over and over. It's kind of starting to blow my mind.

Last night I decided I was done. I just got out of my second meeting and met with my sponsor for over an hour. He asked if I wanted to be sober I told him no. He asked if I liked being drunk with lust and alcohol (and ruining my life) I told him yes. I told him I just want to be alone. I told him I hate everyone, america, mormons etc. I told him I'm pretty sure the brotheren would tell me I'm going to hell if I dont have a 9 to 5, a mortgage, and a leave it to beaver lie of a life and I resented them for it. Ha! I'm silly. He asked what I planed on latter that evening and I told him going to john doe's house to get drunk and high and just worry latter. He read me Alma chapter 7...and I dont know what it was but it made me mad!!! The truth is, now looking back, I had to stare my faithlessness right in the eye. All I could think was "this is impossible". I was in the same "awful dilemma" and "state of unbelief" as those at Zerahemla (though I knew it not)..and that unwittingly made me very angry.

Well, I came home instead of going to my friends mostly cause it was getting to late to make it worth it. Then I decided I was "going out" (to a bar now). I got in my car. I decided to write. I did. It wasnt pretty but it was honest.

In the end of my rant I felt a mild vibration that resonated with what little truth there is in my own soul. I knew God lived. 121:6. I heard Him. In spite of my total lack of understanding I was convicted of my own true self and the witnesses endless I've received. Miraculously, to no credit or renewed commitment or self control of my own, I found myself going inside and going to bed.

YET, after all this as I woke up this morning one of the first things I thought..."i should go get drunk just this last time". Ha! Satan...that character

Comments:

Wow, That is just a very humble and inspiring story    
"...especially after reading what you went through last night.

Yeah, I get the, "One last time. What have I got to lose." temptations and I've been sober for quite awhile now. I will STILL see a new brand of rum on a billboard and think, "Now that would be really nice! Just once." Ha! I don't think normal people spend half the brain-time as I spend obssessing on ways of changing the way I FEEL. I'm just glad you gave it enough time for God to get through. Your story is inspiring to me on a day that I could use some inspiring.

Keep up the good work, bro.
p.s. yeah, satan's an asswipe"
posted at 17:45:18 on October 19, 2010 by Anonymous
Keep it up!    
"Keep going, They Speak. Our prayers are for you. Take it one day at a time, and soon you will have so many days behind you, and you will feel the spirit and love of God so regularly that you will have little desire to throw it all away with "one more time."

I am so happy that yesterday (and this morning) were a success. Hurrah for They Speak! Hurrah for Israel! Hurrah for our God!"
posted at 18:29:52 on October 19, 2010 by BeClean
Party or Freedom    
"?????? just wondering. Haven't heard much from you."
posted at 01:05:29 on October 27, 2010 by byourownhero
Freedom    
"Took a little hiatus from being on my phone so much. Things are going better then I can remember in years. Finally took step 3 (one day at a time of course)"
posted at 20:04:07 on October 27, 2010 by They Speak


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"Freedom from your transgression will come through sincere faith, true repentance, willing obedience, and the giving of self. Why the giving of self? Because selfishness is at the root of your problem. Where selfishness and transgression flourish, the Spirit of the Lord can’t enter your life to bless you. To succeed, you must conquer your selfishness. When your beacon is focused on self, it does little more than blind your vision. When turned outward through acts of kindness and love, it will light your path to happiness and peace. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990