Print
question from me plus other random thoughts
By Joshua
10/10/2010 11:07:20 PM
okay so I am sitting alone in my bedroom trying to study out of the arp book, read the Book of Mormon etc..doing all the things my bishop as asked me to do to try to remain sober ( unfortunately it has been only a day in 1/2 now even though i have a filter now and pic of Christ as wallpaper and in the corner of my laptop...ugh!! as i can't still seem to beat it) and odt times while trying to study the the gospel and doing the things my Bishop as asked i get sorely tempted to try to access some pornography or just start fantasing about thiongs I shouldn't fantasied about or while I am fantasing just to masterbate while doing so...but i do know that it is wrong for one can't take passion in like a fire and not be bruned by it and it has to be in the rules that God has set for if we really hearken onto him an d his servnats we will not be burned instead the fire will grow brighter and brighter unti it consumes our souls in a good way..so my question is this....what to you do when you are sorely tempted to act out when u are trying to study the gospel but still want a quiet place to study in and be alone while doing so so u can focus on what u are studying?

Comments:

just some thoughts    
"I'm no authority on anything but I had a similar question/problem and pitched it to my bishop and he told me to be carefull why I studied the gospel etc. He said if I found myself only studying to avoid my problems not to be surprised if I found myself obsessing more over my problems. He recommended studying the gospel to draw closer to Christ and get the Spirit etc rather then just to avoid evil. I'm not saying that's what your doing and what you need to do to fix it but if any of that sounds familiar to you maybe it could help.

Also I saw these commercials for The Ark Treatment Center during conference so I looked it up. These are somethings I found on their site I thought interesting:

It’s probably because of an Obsessive Compulsive Cycle that you have had difficulty overcoming your porn addiction or sexual addiction

Understanding this cycle can help you understand why the more you try to avoid pornography and other sexual addiction behaviors, the more difficult it is. The advice to“just quit thinking about it,” or “get it out of your mind” actually makes it worse! This is the worst advice there is! After you understand obsessions, compulsions, fear, and how the mind works you will know why you have failed in the past and why this“seemingly common sense advice” is so destructive. Understanding obsessions compulsions and fear is one of the most powerful keys in helping you overcome pornography addiction. It is the obsessive-compulsive dynamic coupled with fear that has most likely kept you trapped

The Sexual Obsessive-Compulsive Cycle

When a person is afraid of a thought, concept, or image and tries to avoid thinking that thought, or seeing that image, the feared thought or image is relentless in forcing its way into that person’s mind.  Most everyone experiences obsessive or intrusive thoughts at some level.  These intrusive thoughts are intensified through stress.  The more stress a person experiences in relation to these thoughts, the greater will be the intrusive thoughts

Sexual thoughts can also follow this pattern.  Typically, people have normal sexual curiosity and a healthy sexual drive.  But, sometimes a person may believe these normal thoughts are “bad,” “unhealthy” or“immoral.” The person tries to avoid normal sexual thoughts due to guilt.  Whenever these normal thoughts come, he or she tries to force them out of their mind.  This sets up an obsessive cycle where sexual thoughts force their way in all the more.

When a person is bright, has a good imagination, is emotionally sensitive, and is dedicated spiritually or to their own code of ethics or morals they are especially vulnerable to this kind of cycle. They have great ambition and motivation to be a good moral person. Often they want to be valiant and true to their own strict conscience.  Often they are taught that they should avoid sexual sin. This can include pornography masturbation, petting, intercourse, the wearing of immodest clothing, and lusting.  Then one day out of the blue they are confronted with a sexual image, conversation, or idea.  This frightens them.  They are afraid that they are bad because they may have become sexually aroused through this unwanted stimulus. Sometimes people over-generalize that all sexual stimuli is bad and that they themselves are bad if they have sexual thoughts, are sexually aroused, or are attracted sexually. Many decide that the best way to cope with this is to completely avoid and go to war with any and all sexual thoughts, images or attraction that occur normally in the world around them...

They believe that if they try hard enough they will overcome “the lust of the flesh” and will be free from temptation and sexual thoughts, interests, or feelings.  Because this is an embarrassing topic many of our young people are uninformed as to what is natural and normal...

The more this person tries to get these intrusive, unwanted thoughts and images out of their mind, the more difficult and impossible it is to do so.  At times, it is extremely difficult to think of little else.  Most people explain to me that these sexual thoughts are so strong and relentless that it simply wears them down.  The person then discovers that “giving in” to masturbation, pornography, or some other sexual behavior gives them temporary relief, which becomes compulsive.  It also becomes classically conditioned.  After fighting the intrusive thoughts and simply being worn down and exhausted a person gives in to the sexual temptation.

For example, a young man has fought the temptation to look at pornography and masturbate for three days.  But because the temptation is relentless, the young man eventually becomes exhausted, gives, in and looks at pornography and masturbates.  The young man experiences an immediate relief from the harassing and relentless temptations and intrusive thoughts.  This feeling of temporary “peace” is classically reinforcing and sets the young man up for continued obsessive compulsive cycle

It goes on to list the cycle but my phone won't copy and past the 8 step cycle so you'll have to go to their web site. Anyway, hope maybe that helps. Good luck hommie."
posted at 04:10:25 on October 11, 2010 by They Speak
Theyspeak    
"This is awesome material. Behind the scenes there is exhaustive work being done to study and combat this disease. A lot of it is being done by members of the church."
posted at 06:35:15 on October 11, 2010 by Anonymous
OC Behavior    
"They Speak, does that article (found here: http://www.arkrecovery.com/porn.html ) say what I think it says? Is seems to be suggesting that some of us became addicted to porn while we were actually very actively fighting it. It appears that while we (and our Bishops) were telling ourselves, "just quit thinking about it...just get it out of your mind...," we were actually making it worse!

That article calls some of us addicts "bright," imaginative, "emotionally sensitive," and "dedicated spiritually or to [our] own code of ethics or morals." It says that these characteristics made us vulnerable to an obsessive-compulsive porn cycle!

It says a lot more than that about what good people we want to be and how our own "great ambition and motivation to be a good moral person...[and] to be valiant and true to [our] own strict conscience" actually works against us!

I would bet that some people on this site could NEVER believe all of that. We are the scum of the earth, aren't we? We suffer from this addiction because we CHOSE it, didn't we? We polluted our minds and succumbed to Lucifer because of how evil and reprobate we are (and because of how dirty we were when we were teens and preteens), didn't we?

Is it possible that some of those who currently struggle with porn and mb could be struggling NOT because of how evil, selfish, and filthy they are as a person, but because they twisted their strong, innate desire to do right and be clean and good into a fight against very natural feelings and desires--and fighting such desires actually ensnared them in a terrible, obsessive-compulsive pattern? Is it possible that some of us are not ruthless perpetrators, bent on destroying the lives of those around us, but we are actually victims, caught in a cycle because of our own desire but inability to get out?

How revealing! How impossible for some to believe!"
posted at 21:49:53 on October 11, 2010 by BeClean
"Sounds like the Victim"    
"Becareful, Beclean

THE VICTIM
An Emotional State of Mind
Playing "the victim" is a major strategy of the sex addict. It appears that no matter what the
situation is, he plays the victim where he has been hurt more than you. Playing "the victim" is tricky to catch, but once you identify this behavior, it will usually lead to something the addict doesn't want to take responsibility for. The victim is in an emotional state, and you can not reason with this behavior.
The victim will somehow make you believe that your behavior was worse than his.
Remember the victim is an emotional state. Don't reason with this behavior. The victim also
gets other people to rally around him. This is another way of manipulating others to do what he should be doing. As long as you submit to this victim behavior, it will continue to operate.
To address this issue with your partner, I suggest you pick a public place like a restaurant.
Select a time when you think he is sober headed, then state that you notice a dynamic with him you would like to share. Discuss "the victim" and state what your boundaries are going to be. Then be consistent with these boundaries. He may or may not respond with some anger when you begin to initiate change in this area. "The victim" has protected the addict from so many hard realities about himself that to grow beyond this is painful and requires a lot of honesty on his part. Be patient but persistent with the victim and one more time, don't reason with the victim, you are wasting your time. Simply acknowledge that it "sounds like the victim" or "the victims out we will talk about this later." If these conversations get heated, call your recovery friend or group members for support."
posted at 00:01:16 on October 12, 2010 by Anonymous
Thanks beclean    
"for creating controversy where there was none."
posted at 00:38:16 on October 12, 2010 by Anonymous
Geez,, I don't know...    
"Us addicts may have a hundred reasons that created a "susceptability" towards becoming addicts. Not a single recovering addict that I know with any substantial sobriety or clean time uses them as an excuse. We, alone, accept accountability and that is what allows us to heal. I've yet to hear anyone blame our addiction on being too righteous and that was not the intent of the article.

Some of us may not be "responsible" for becoming addicted but we are ALL accountable for our recovery."
posted at 00:47:28 on October 12, 2010 by Anonymous
I'm lost    
"That did seem a little cryptic (possibly complete sarcasm) beclean. On the other hand I feel perfectly justified in taking it as up front and genuine. What are you saying?"
posted at 00:51:05 on October 12, 2010 by They Speak
Wow    
"Thank you, They Speak, for not being afraid to post identifying yourself, and for recognizing my sarcasm.

I completely agree with the first and the third anonymous posters--playing the victim is wrong. (I would love to know where the first anonymous poster got his/her material.) And I was playing the victim with a completely sarcastic tone.

I would invite anyone else to read the OC Behavior article and explain what THEY think the article is trying to say. Where did the sexual obsessive-compulsive cycle come from? Did it come from us addicts being wicked, filthy little 8-year-olds?

I am NOT downplaying my responsibility for my addiction. In part, I am genuinely trying to understand what the OC article is saying.

Please, folks, every one of you attacked ME. Now, why don't you read the article and attack it, if you disagree with it. Let's learn to have an intelligent discussion here!"
posted at 09:21:15 on October 12, 2010 by BeClean
"Sounds like the Victim"    
"The material you requested Beclean is from, Partner's Recovery Guide, 100 Empowering Exercises. Douglas Weiss Ph.D.

Sorry I did not see the sarcasm. Just recognized the pattern. Posted anon because it was late. I thought I could put the reference in the morning. Did not realize you cannot edit anon posts."
posted at 17:29:09 on October 12, 2010 by byourownhero
beclean    
"I still dont know what your getting at. Exactly what are you disagreeing with?

Of course I dont think we were dirty eight year olds. I dont have to tell you what I think the article is trying to say. I think it speaks pretty well for itself what exactly it's trying to convey.

And for me its not hard too believe one bit. Its one hundred percent spot on accurate. I haven't closed my eyes while receiving a blessing ever...ever...as long I can remember. Because I have to let my mind wonder on peoples feet the floor anything. If I don't and try to focus on thinking about what I should be and simultaneously keep bad thoughts out I immedietly begin to have "invasive thoughts". Not just little nuisance ether. All consuming bombardment. Closing my eyes isn't even an option. Its a night mare. The best I can do is just to stay calm and let my mind float and wonder on the things I'm looking at hearing and feeling. My ADD may be coming in handy here. Or maybe its the same messed up part a my brain. God knows. I also can't close my eyes for prayer

Don't think of a yellow school bus. Dont think of a yellow school bus ditched in a forest. Don't think of a yellow school bus in the middle of the savanna surrounded by yellow lions. Don't think of a bright yellow school bus siting on top of a floating ice burge in the middle of the ocean. Don't think of a yellow school bus in outer space. Don't think of a yellow school. If you think about a yellow school bus you'll go to hell. Your afraid a that yellow bus now. Better not think a that yellow bus. Yellow bus. Bus. Yellow. Hell. Don't do it. It is sexy isn't it. Look once. What a rush. What a relief. Now your going to hell though. So, don't think about a yellow school bus...what cha thinking about? Try not to think think about that a billion times a day when the thought presents it self on its own half those billion times. I think that's all the article is saying. And some of us have become rather unhealthy about not thinking about yellow bus's."
posted at 20:01:39 on October 12, 2010 by They Speak
This is just my opinion but...    
"I think beclean was trying to say that "maybe we aren't so bad after all" And he used the imagery to drive that point home?I don't know. And I post anonymously because it helps me feel...anonymous."
posted at 20:16:34 on October 12, 2010 by Anonymous
Amen to you both    
"I'm sorry if I'm being confusing and hard to understand. I'm not trying to be.

I think the article says what you think it says, They Speak. I think that some of us have ADD and OC behavior. I think there is a right way to fight pornography and our addictions, and there is a wrong way to fight it. I think most of us have been trying hard to fight it all our lives, but we have been going about it the wrong way (because of our ADD and OC) and actually making our problem worse, and that stinks!!

There is more that the article says, to me, but I'll leave it at that to avoid further controversy, which was not really my intention."
posted at 22:02:10 on October 12, 2010 by BeClean
LOL @ yellow school bus    
"Classic, Cody. Classic."
posted at 11:29:36 on October 13, 2010 by lawrence


Add a Comment:


***Anonymous User***     (login above to post UN-anonymously)








help
join
"My brethren who are caught in this addiction or troubled by this temptation, there is a way. Don’t accommodate any degree of temptation. Prevent sin and avoid having to deal with its inevitable destruction. So, turn it off! Look away! Avoid it at all costs. Direct your thoughts in wholesome paths. Please heed these warnings. Let us all improve our personal behavior and redouble our efforts to protect our loved ones and our environment from the onslaught of ography that threatens our spirituality, our marriages, and our children. "

— Dallin H. Oaks

General Conference, April 2005