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The eyes of God vs. The eyes of Man
By Seekrecovery
9/19/2010 4:13:01 PM
I had an amazing experience yesterday. It was one of those days when I was trying to get everything done but there really was no way to do it. I had a stake conference priesthood meeting at 4:00 and was trying really hard to get there on time. The challenge was that my scout troop was also camping Friday-Saturday this week (only weekend that worked this month). We got home from the camp in the early afternoon. As soon as I got home I ate some lunch and then went to work unpacking. We were rained on so my tent was wet, I had a dutch oven to clean...et cetera. Despite my best efforts I still wasn't done and it was suddenly 3:35. Ugg. I quickly unloaded the rest of the gear on the driveway and ran into the house to shave and shower. I live about 15 minutes from the Church and knew I couldn't make it. I prayed to God and told him I had done everything I could and prayed specifically that he would prepare the way that I could get to the meeting quickly. I showered and shaved--but it was now after 3:50. I ran to my car and started driving to the church. There are six stop lights between my house and the church--Every one was green including one that is a minor side road crossing another major road. I have never had that happen before. I made it to the meeting in the middle of the opening song and was so grateful. God had answered my prayer.

I'm also grateful for what I learned along the way. I was praying, asking God to prepare my mind for the meeting. The distinct impression came to me that my biggest concern for getting to the meeting on time was because I was worried about what others might think of me being late. I then had a calming reminder that God knew my efforts, and he would be pleased that I made it to the meeting, even if I was late.

What a reminder to be more concerned about what God thinks and less concerned about what "man" thinks. This is a real challenge for me. This may sound horrible but what I miss the most from my addiction is that I can't "numb" myself when I am feeling the pains of my perceived criticisms of others. I'm amazed that at times I am aching for that numbness and have come to realize I "medicated" often in past years when I had these feelings. I am so grateful for recovery but these are the honest feelings I have at times. Lately when I feel this pain I remind myself I am clean and I get to face the pain as part of my recovery. The pain can really sting at times. For some reason I often feel that I don't measure up. I'm on step four right now and this is something I really need to figure out as part of the step. Perhaps part of my answer came yesterday. I need to see myself and my situations as God sees them.

Seeking

Comments:

Great Insight    
"You are a valued brother and thank heaven that your Aaronic Priesthood Scouts have a leader who is becoming stronger and stronger in recovery. I feel sorry for the Aaronic priesthood troops all across the church that have leaders who are steeped in addictions, who have leaders who are naive and ambivalent about the challenges that face our youth today.

We can be there for them because we have been there. I have served as a Scout Master, a Deacons Quorum Adviser and as a counselor in the Stake Young Men's Presidency. It was in the Stake calling that we had the constant challenge of training our Bishops and YM leaders. Even at the Ward level I have had to softly reprimand Ward leaders for bending the Church rules and the rules of "Safe Scouting". Many of them had no idea what "Youth Protection" even meant.

It was around the camp fire that I could reach into the hearts of these young men and learn of their temptations, their weaknesses. THEY ARE WHERE WE WERE!!
100% of our young men have been exposed to pronography. And when it comes to energy drinks, how is it that parents can send their son's to camp with these RED Bull and Monster Energy Drinks? Mountain Dew was furnished by one of our Bishops. No wonder these kids can play capture the flag until 4am. And as they mature, like the both of us have experienced, they will worry more about the appearance then anything else. I was always preoccupied with how I appeared to others in church meetings. I looked good in my dark conservative suit and crisp white shirt. I had a snap in my step. I knew my scriptures and I am an effective public speaker. No one ever knew that without my Excedrin and Diet Coke I was a tired, worn out, exhausted, lustful (a by product of not getting enough sleep) and insecure brother who needed stimulants to keep going.

Step 4 was a tough step for me. It required a re-reading of step 1 Honesty. The joyful fruits of step 5 and 6 made it soooooo worth while.

I will always be in a "Seek Recovery" frame of mind. Life is so sweet and peaceful when we are more concerned with what the Lord thinks rather then what others think. My suit got a little sweaty with yesterdays two hour trip to the temple in a truck that didn't have air. So today, I wore some old black slacks, a good white shirt, a plain black tie and my Skeechers Fitness shoes. No one noticed!!!! lol

We who have known the rush of energy drinks and the thrill that porno has to offer are going to have to step up to the plate and say, Lord, make me a clean and able servant in your hands."
posted at 19:08:24 on September 19, 2010 by migail3
Does lack of sleep really make you more lustful?    
"I'm a wife that is curious about this....hoping you won't get too graphic."
posted at 23:13:36 on September 19, 2010 by Anonymous
BLASTD    
"Dr. Hilton in his book HE RESTORETH MY SOUL, uses BLASTD to label triggers.
Bored
Lonely or lustful
Angry
Stressed
Tired
Depressed or Discouraged

I've also seen it with an H added for Hungry!"
posted at 11:18:14 on September 20, 2010 by SEEINGLIGHT
For me    
"Tired doesn't make me more or less lustful necessarily. It just weakens my ability/willingness to resist what already exists. I suppose at times being really tired causes me to obsess over the lust (even trying too resist when I'm in that state of mind just feels like another form of obsession) more wich could constitute being more lustful..? But I'd label it more obsessive then lustful cause like I said may be even trying to resist...but I'm just encompassed about. I don't know if that makes sense. It does to me I guess"
posted at 11:29:57 on September 20, 2010 by They Speak
Thanks for Mentioning Donald L. Hilton    
"Donald L. Hilton has quickly become an expert on this topic and has provided fantastic information to so many on this very topic. I have personally heard him speak several times and am amazed at the understanding I have gained from it. If you haven't already, please get a copy of "He Restoreth my Soul". You can find it and other useful resources about him and pornography addiction at salifeline.org."
posted at 16:00:40 on September 27, 2010 by Anonymous
HALT    
"It sounds like Dr. Hilton borrowed from AA. They use the acronym HALT, Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. I'll have to remember BLASTD, because boredom gets me tweaked at times and I had already added depressed to make it HALTD.

To answer Anon’s question, I agree with some of the others. I’m not sure I get more lustful, but it really makes me more susceptible to the temptation. I become too weak to fight it off and it is likely that I am not thinking really clear when I am tired, so I don’t turn to the things that work.

“Fatigue makes cowards of us all.” – Vince Lombardi"
posted at 16:59:30 on September 28, 2010 by justjohn
Great Lombardi quote!    
"Love it...."
posted at 19:04:54 on September 28, 2010 by BYOUROWNHERO
Tired doesn't help    
"I agree with the rest, tired doesn't make me lustful, but it certainly can make it hard to stay sober. I have a harder problem though when I'm not able to sleep."
posted at 14:02:54 on September 30, 2010 by dstanley


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"Don’t live your life in despair, feeling sorry for yourself because of the mistakes you have made. Let the sunshine in by doing the right things—now. It may be difficult to begin, but pick up the scriptures and immerse yourself in them. Look for favorite passages. Lean on the Master’s teachings, on His servants’ testimonies. Refresh your parched soul with the word of God. The scriptures will give you comfort and the strength to overcome. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990