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Giving Him a Gift of Peace
By BTTB
9/16/2010 6:21:46 PM
My husband would have been 56 yesterday. He died at 52. I wished him a "Happy Birthday" by giving him a gift of peace. I was so angry with him before he died. Angry for the betrayal, lies, destruction, wreckage; you name it, I was angry. For years, I longed for peace and serenity. I had to learn to let him go. To let my destructive and controlling behavior go. He was gone, I had to go on living. I could choose to live in anger or seek peace. I had to forgive him. That is not easy with him on the other side of the veil. Being Codependent didn't end when he died. I was still addicted to the chaos. But the source of chaos was gone. That's when I learned that I had to change myself, work on my own recovery. I could no longer be a victim. I could no longer blame him for my moods. I had been attending Family Support groups through ARP, and the tools I learned from that have helped me to let go, and let God. I get to practice my recovery everyday. Days like yesterday don't hurt as bad. Remembering him, doesn't rip my heart out. I can be calm and at peace because I choose to be. I can give him my peace. Can he feel it? You bet. I have felt him around me at times. I have felt his sadness. I have felt his calmness. He has changed. He is at peace.

Comments:

...    
"Wishing you continued peace and healing, BTTB."
posted at 18:44:33 on September 16, 2010 by enough
PEACE!    
"Thank you for sharing. I am so happy you have found your own healing. The Peace that only the Savior can bring. We are all seeking after that peace. Your husband in death is rejoicing in your success. We rejoice in your success."
posted at 19:55:17 on September 16, 2010 by byourownhero
Matthew 11:28    
"Thank You BTTB,
Most of my postings have been with those who are in the beginnings of recovery from Porn Addiction. It was a serious problem with me before I became a member of the church. I joined in 1971 and in the words of Dr. James Dobson, I "re-virginated" and accepted a new life in Christ. It was the Lord that removed from me my lustful desires and my desire to get high with pot and weekend binge drinking. Four years after joining the church I married in the Temple to a wonderful young lady. She too was a convert. Her family was steeped in alcoholism and dysfunction. After 15 yrs. of marriage, my "stay at home" wife and mother of 5 left me and our children and began a lifestyle of sex addiction. I divorced her after boyfriend #12. During that period of darkness I too became the most expert Co-dependent and Enabling Man on earth. After making things go from bad to worse, especially with my children and also suffering a "relapse" (a short one) with Porn, I ran to my Bishop and together we broke the back of my relapse but I had hopelessly become an Enabler to my now very needy children.

As it say's in the LDS Addiction Recovery Introduction- "We Have Known Great Sorrow" Every time I read that I come to tears. I have learned to let go and, as you say "Let God"
Life is sweet and peaceful. I still sorrow over the fate of those who do not know how to let go. That is why I have dedicated myself to step 12. I have learned how to help without the co-dependent enabling care taking dysfunctional behaviors.

Have a peaceful day. It is 7am and I am escorting a brother thru the Temple today, a brother who has "KNOWN GREAT SORROW". Tears of Joy right now."
posted at 06:09:36 on September 18, 2010 by migail3


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"You lived with your Heavenly Father in a premortal life. You were there with Him. Your spirit knows what it is like to live in celestial realms. You can never be truly happy in an uncelestial environment. You know too much. That is one of the reasons that for you, wickedness never can be happiness. What a great thing it is to decide once and for all early in life what you will do and what you will not do with regards to honesty, modesty, chastity, the Word of Wisdom, and temple marriage. "

— Larry W. Gibbons

General Conference October 2006