Any idea about what I should do to find a sponsor???
By crushed
9/15/2010 8:26:46 PM
Or do I absolutely need one anyways? In my area like in so many the church's ARP is for everyone and I attend with my husband and it is a very small group and we are the first group ever in our area. So there is no one who has completed the program and could sponsor me or him. We were lucky to find a brethren who had completed the program on his own, however he is not really involved and thou my husband has asked him to sponsor him, there really has been only one communication between them. My husband does not seem to mind, and feels like he is doing ok. I on the other hand, really felt like it would have helped to go to an all women's meeting and as I tried to find if there was Sanon, there are none in my area!!!! The closest is a two hours drive away!!! So really, you women out there are my support group. Has anyone any idea how I could find a sponsor??? I am a very angry women and I feel like I'm not progressing as much as I should, I wished I could have conversations with you gals on how you are dealing with this??
I think angel mom mentionned a conference video something??? Is there a possibility to add a feature where we could on this site either chat or video conferencing like trough skype, for those who would want to do it (especially on the loved one side? Derek???


Dear Crushed,    
"You could look for an Alanon meeting. It is the exact same program."
posted at 21:13:31 on September 15, 2010 by Anonymous
The above is a good suggestion.    
"In our area there is a confidential spouses only phone conference that happens every other week. I've never been on it. But this kind of thing does exist. And if you want the number, I will give it to you. The (anonymous) conference call is lead by a woman who has healed, that has been in our shoes. I need to try this. And so can you. It's an 800 number, church (it covers at least a few stakes in our area) sponsored call. There really needs to be more of this kind of thing, you are so right, especially if the area is too small to host a Spouses Only meeting. Until something changes or you find a sponsor...even if you do,
I think I can speak for all the girls here, we care about you and are here for you!
And thanks for being there for me. -Enough"
posted at 22:58:20 on September 15, 2010 by Anonymous
My quaters worth.    
"Crushed I don't know what resources are available to you but meeting with an LDS family services counsellor may be a course of action. They are qualified and have experience. Strength comes from the spirit people show while they are over comming their struggles. When I started nobody had finished the course, yet we all the progress. I have finised the course and am moving forward. I splipped resolved the issue and continue to progress. I started the course again last week because I wanted too.

I have invited others to come alone to the meetings which has seen a lot of good things happen. My daughter started last weeks and we are seeing better decision making from the get go. She said to me where was this program last year? I just rambling now sorry. Involve Heavenly Father in your plans and you can not fail.

As was said before we do care about everyone. I keep you all in my prayers."
posted at 06:16:31 on September 16, 2010 by Another_Dad
Recovery--all about We and Us    
Your desires are right on. Part of recovery is working with others. Those that have gone before have so much insight to help us. You have great ideas--trying to use skype or other connections to utilize a sponsor. Enough mentioned a phone group for recoverying spouses. I hope your schedule allows you to try it. For about a month I've been attending a 1-800 ARP call and it really works. I live in a rural area and there is only one meeting/week--so this phone call has been a tremendous resource. There are all types there--some for the first time and some that have been in recovery for years.

I think your desire for a sponsor is a good one. Sometimes when I am getting off track--such as struggling with thought processes, control, character defects... My sponsor will pick up on things I don't recognize and and gives direction. He also reminds me that things come in order so that I don't expect too much progress all at once. I know that I was led to my sponsor. There was another person who has been a friend for several years who logically should have been my sponsor--but I had distinct impressions about this other person. I really believe the Lord will help you find the support you need. wife was just talking to me and she has been looking at a book, Codependent No More--By Melody Beattie. It has really been insightful for her. Perhaps another resource.

To echo Another Dad--You are in my prayers!

posted at 07:57:09 on September 16, 2010 by Seekrecovery
There is Hope- Let's Chat    
"Hi Crushed,

It is so hard to feel alone. I suffered in silence for too many years.

I have been in the process of healing for a long time now. The only thing for me that was missing was my inability to find other sisters who were going through the same thing.

This year I did find a pilot program for women only. It has been a great help. I assumed this meeting was church wide and I am finding that it is not. I believe that part of the problem is that sisters are terrified of coming forward to say " I need help" .

Through a prompting by the spirit, I felt strongly to go and visit a dear old friend. I knew she was suffering with the same issues we sisters are suffering on this site. I knew for a while, but never told her about my problems. I prayed for answers for themself, and the sisters who suffer in silence, and I prayed for her. I felt that I needed to go to her and bring her to a meeting.

She lives in a large LDS community and there was only one porn addiction recovery group. It was for couples and addicts. Although we were thankful to find something, it was a shell of what it should be. It is run by a sweet man who is a therapist, but there were no ARP missionaries, no facilitator ( the facilitator they do have is a man who is going through divorce). No one to lead who is in strong recovery. I thought.... this place should be packed, yet there were 7 people attending. We sisters who alreday feel victimized and/or uncomfortable around men, especially sex addicts, may not find healing in a room full of them.

It appears as though the couples meetings are about healing the marriage. I feel that sisters need sisters to help them along in their healing. Through much personal study, prayer and attendence to my meetings with sisters, I have learned that I cannot heal my marriage, but I can only heal me with the help of Jesus Christ.

I am committed to helping any sister I can. I have the church's pilot co-dependency manual and although it is still going through the process, I have heard that Church leaders have it on the "fast track" to publication. I scanned it and am happy to share it with you.

Also, I am setting up a conference call meeting for next week for any sister who would like to participate. It is free of charge and is for SISTERS ONLY!! If you are a male addict and think your spouse could benefit, please give them my email and I will be able to instruct them on how to participate in the call.

I am setting up this call as a support for sisters, especially those who do not have a sisters meeting to attend.

I look forward to hear from you soon.

Your sister in Christ,

posted at 12:36:14 on September 16, 2010 by angelmom
"The conference call is a great idea. I read your post this morning CRUSHED and sent my geek-squad son a message to ask him to help me set up something. ANGELMOM beat me to it. That is great, lets get started somewhere helping ourselves and our fellow Sisters. I too felt alone and wanted a sponsor. I wanted a program. Something, I was spiriling down fast. I had attended Dr. Doug Weiss three day intensive and read many of his books and listened to his CD's and DVD's. I attended one group while there and I knew I needed a LDS group to identify with. I was attending a ARP mixed group, for every addiction and there was some help, but I knew I needed something specific for what I was dealing with. Dr Doug continually talks about 12 step groups for spouses, sponsors etc.... I went to my Stake President and asked if I could start a group for sisters. He did some investigating and emailed me the Family Support manual. I thought yes, this is more like it. Then I was called to be a Missionary for the new program for spouses. There was another manual. PASAG for Spouses. Ponography and Sexual Addiction Group for Spouses.
Praise the Lord, this program was what I needed. I have been involved with the PASAG for Spouses since the first of the year and have seen so much healing both for myself and the sisters who are attending. There were so many who have been suffering for so long and young newly married sisters that are so devastated. The light has come back into their eyes.
Our group was also a pilot group that receives the Family Support Manual that is currently being rewritten and we have had the opportunity to have input into its contents. The consensus of these groups have been " We Love our PASAGS manual and this new one has some good stuff but it does not speak to us in the way the PASAGS manual does. That manual, PASAGS, is on this site for download. I downloaded it the other day. I have not had the time to review it in it's entirety, but in a cursive review it looked like the same manual. FAMILY/ SPOUSE MANUAL, ON THE LEFT OF THE SCREEN. is our PASAGS manual. I heard this week that those who are responsible for the writing of the new Family Suport manual have heard our voices. "Please do not fix it if it is not broken." so they intend to use this manual, that you can download from this site, as their template and will make adjustments from there. Yeah!!
I would love to call in on the conference call that ANGELMOM is setting up and serve as a sponsor for you CRUSHED if you would like. You need to pray about it.
ANGELMOM, I am not sure the fellas can access your comment about the call from this particular thread. You may need to post it on one of their threads???
I will email you. LOL and this is exciting..."
posted at 19:31:15 on September 16, 2010 by byourownhero
Hero-Crushed and Sisters- Phone Meeting    
"Thanks for your posts and comments. You ladies rock!!!

I have received a couple of email already and expect more in the next few days. My prayer is that we can reach out to one another and share, our pain, inspiration, failures, and success. For sooooo many years, I prayed and asked, "why is there nothing for sisters?" So many of us sat on the sidelines thinking we should be okay, but we were not. I am grateful to see the church moving in the right direction.

Although making great strides, most of the country (and world for that matter), does not have any programs available where sisters can meet in private to share their stories, and to help one another heal.

The call will be set for 7 PM MDT Wednesday, September 22nd. Please check time conversions or your area: />
Please email me at if you would like to participate in the call. You will then be sent phone number with a PIN number which will allow you to join the meeting.

Again, this is a SISTERS ONLY meetiing and addicts are more then welcome to invite sisters they know to email me a nd to join the call.

Also, please feel free to keep using your blog name if you are not comfortable using your real name. Any information emailed to me will be kept strictly confidential.

I contiinue to pray for each of you as we look to the Lord to heal our lives.

posted at 10:12:07 on September 17, 2010 by angelmom
"I will send a email right aways!!!! This is great news!!!!

posted at 20:36:29 on September 17, 2010 by Anonymous
Hi Crushed    
"Hi Crushed,

I have not seen your email come through yet. The first link on the above invitation was messed p. Sorry.

Please email me at

I am so happy you are going to attend. Please feel free to share the invitation with anyone who it may benefit.

We are all in the together.

posted at 17:07:24 on September 18, 2010 by angelmom
I am confused    
"The Family Support Manual we were sent to use looks nothing like what is posted on this site. We were sent something new a few months ago and are using it. We have always had the men and women separately since our stake started. What is posted here though is totally different than what we have. We were using the regular ARP recovery manual and were sent a new manual to use a few months back, we were told it is a pilot program, but it is not this, it also comes out of Utah County, maybe they are trying several different manuals to come up with something, because what is on this site does not look like ours at all. We have fewer pages for sure. No matter what all is well. ARP rocks!"
posted at 17:43:48 on September 18, 2010 by Anonymous
Hi Crushed    
"Hi Crushed,

I have not seen your email come through yet. The first link on the above invitation was messed p. Sorry.

Please email me at

I am so happy you are going to attend. Please feel free to share the invitation with anyone who it may benefit.

We are all in the together.

posted at 23:24:17 on September 18, 2010 by angelmom
Family Support Manual    
"Hi Anon,

Yes, the manual thing has been very confusing for me as well. As I would go to a meeting, it seemed like a different manual was introduced The moment I printed out one manual, a new one would take it's place.

There is a new manual. It is in the final review. It is for loved ones. They will not have it available to everyone until it goes through the final review. I am not sure how long it will take.

All manuals follow the basic 12 steps. Whatever you have will work for now. It will not be long before the church has it all sorted out. If you do not have a manual, please download the one for family/spouses. It is located to the left of this blog and is highlighted in purple.

I will be sending out the email invitations tomorrow for Wednesday's phone conference. If you would like to be included, you will need to email me with your request at

You will be sent an invitation along with a phone number to call and a special PIN. Once you recieve the email, you will also have the opportunity to invite other sisters who you think may benefit from our conversation.

I am grateful for the opportunity to connect with some of the sisters on this blog, and my prayer is that we will become stronger as we reach out to help each other.


Hope this all makes sense. "
posted at 00:37:56 on September 19, 2010 by angelmom
Talk to your Stake Pres. to get a meeting going.    
"I used to attend ARP meetings with the regular group of addicts. It actually helped me understand the behaviors of an addict, since I was clueless about what I was dealing with. Then, about 5 years ago, another sister in our group went to the Stake Pres. and told him we needed our own meeting. He agreed. It has been going for 5 years. I co-facilitate it. There are anywhere from 1-7 sisters who come. Sometimes it's just me and the Sister Missionary. We hold a meeting anyway.
Be persistent, you can get one going in your area. There is a need.
The manuals are in draft form, there are 2 of them, one is more detailed and deals more with Pornography, the other one is shorter and deals with all addictions. Hoping the training that comes from SLC in September will introduce the final copy of the manual.
Good luck."
posted at 15:25:01 on September 19, 2010 by BTTB

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"Nothing is beyond [Christ’s] redeeming reach or His encircling empathy. Therefore, we should not complain about our own life’s not being a rose garden when we remember who wore the crown of thorns! Having bled at every pore, how red His raiment must have been in Gethsemane, how crimson that cloak! No wonder, when Christ comes in power and glory, that He will come in reminding red attire, signifying not only the winepress of wrath, but also to bring to our remembrance how He suffered for each of us in Gethsemane and on Calvary!"

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