Fantasy and personality -
By ruggaexpat
7/28/2010 1:52:45 PM
I am just writing a few thoughts and wondered if there are addicts out there that can relate to what I am about to write. I have been questioning a massive load of decisions in my life. I have done a lot of writing in my personal inventory and not much more before the story of my life is in written form. The story of my life just seems so sad. It is hard to sit back and see all the wrong turns. Now that I know there have been tons of wrong turns, I am trying to determine what motivated me to turn specific ways. If my life was driven by lust then my decisions would reflect that motive. So I am now questioning everything from career to hobbies to likes, dislikes, everything except wife because she is a superstar.

So I am going through a serious self assessment and I must admit it is not easy. We know after doing the steps that porn or alcohol for that matter are not the real problems, but diseases brought on by the problems. If I can find out the reasons for turning to porn that should lead me in the right direction to know why I made other dumb decisions right?

So doing this whole excercise I realized something that I wish to dig further in. As a child I was a dreamer. I was in lala land more than on earth. I had tough challenges concerntrating on certain tasks. I was a natural idealist, the world was good, everyone was nice right? Now that is normal kiddy stuff I know but as I progressed through my years I remained a shy dude, not super shy but reserved.

I always day dreamed and fantasized about events in the future. I always envisioned myself in winning and leading positions and just enjoying the dreams. I could sit and do this for hours when left alone wlking down the street or sitting on a chair or waiting for a ride.

Now hook line and sinker later on and you can imagine where that all led.

How many of you guys can relate to this? Is this a question of trapping the perfect bait for a bigger fish?

If it is the perfect bait, is it a question of Satan having a specific personality to target? After all not all men are dreamers.

Are there common personalities out there who fit the bill as perfect bait or perfect prey?

Imagination can go a long way but where is the limit for a dreamer?

Right now I avoid fantasy land but I fear that a strength of mine being imagination and creativity is something that makes me me.



I fear losing imagination    
"This is what I meant in the final part.

posted at 13:57:27 on July 28, 2010 by ruggaexpat
Color Code    
"For what my opinion is worth, I don't believe your imagination, creativity, and propensity to dream are bad. I think you just used your strengths and talents the wrong way. Instead of pushing those talents and strengths away, latch onto them, and find out how you can use them for good, to build God's Kingdom. Double your talents, my brother, don't bury them.

Personally, I have never considered myself to be imaginative, creative, or a dreamer. I'm a thinker...the philosophical type. I'm also very logical. So, I'm skeptical that there is one type of person or man that this addiction/disease attacks. I've said before, based on certain statistics, 70 percent of men currently view pornography ( ) just as frequently as I did at the height of my addiction (said with tongue in cheek: I wonder if most of the other 30 percent aren't all "recovering" from the same problem, and they've been clean for a little longer than the 70...but I don't want to start an argument here), and I'm certain we aren't all the same "type." Porn is a BIG industry, and they target EVERY man...not just the dreamers.

Have you ever read The Color Code?

This book has recently taught me that I am mostly "Blue," the type of person that the author believes is motivated by in, closeness with and relationships to other people. Some people are motivated by power (Red), others by peace (White), and still others by fun (Yellow). Most people are motivated by a couple different things. But, this book does not talk about a category of people who are motivated by "lust." Personally, I doubt there is such a thing. However, I'm sure that some of us have confused lust for something else--something we really wanted."
posted at 14:06:22 on July 28, 2010 by BeClean
mmm interesting    
"Personally I recon I have every color under the rainbow.
I concluded like you did about my imagination piece.
Stats do provide a case for many different types of personalities
Will read into more of the color stuff.

Still so many questions."
posted at 14:37:46 on July 28, 2010 by ruggaexpat
I'm not one of the guys but.....    
"It sounds as if you have the potential to do much good, to envision successes at a young age is a gift. When we are young, I don't think we always think about how we are going to get "there". That is another layer of thinking.

Imagination, creativity...I think these strengths can only be wasted or harmful if we choose to be idle or undisciplined. Perhaps, just as our weaknesses can become strengths, our strengths become a weakness when we don't put them into action....kind of like burying 1/2 a talent.

I think the adversary targets weakness, not personalities, although some personalities types may share common traits.

My thoughts. "
posted at 00:45:22 on July 29, 2010 by enough
When we stay clean, amazing things happen with our talents.    
"Our talents and interests don't necessarily go away. They seem to morph into their Christlike counterparts. I'm a dreamer like you. Steps four and five were huge eye-openers for me, too. Years later, I have discovered new talents that seem to be mature versions of my old fantasies. Like when I was a kid, I dreampt of being a real superhero and saving people. I mean, I was actually going to do it...somehow! At 6 years sober, I discovered a talent for counseling and went back to school. Today, I do it for a living and I really AM a superhero of sorts because I help people. All I can say is, keep up with the program and amazing things will happen. Everyone I know with long term "sobriety" seems to have the same quiet humility and each of them is REALLY GOOD at SOMETHING. Good luck, ruggaexpat. I always love hearing from you."
posted at 01:31:34 on July 29, 2010 by Anonymous
Thanks you guys    
"I could not have had my hope further strengthened by your responses. There are always names here that add something special and just for me. Today is no exception. Enough I honestly have been thinking a lot about my strengths and trying to connect the dots and I am so confident that you have opened my eyes to the reality that there is a link between idleness and immagination. Never gave it a thought but it just makes the most amazing amount of sense. I am in a transition period where I am trying to discipline myself and I know that when it is second nature to be orderly in all my affairs and reationships, add righteous imagination to that mix and life is promising and full of happiness.

Anon serious hope injection from you as you confirmed I am doing the right thing right now. Good to know I am not alone and others have developed those hidden and neglected talents.
I appreciate you guys a lot seriously. Thanks for taking the time to share it has made a difference big time and it was very timely too.

posted at 09:17:40 on July 29, 2010 by ruggaexpat
Spell Check    
"Hey Rugga, you an always click "edit" on your posts and correct the mistakes you find. I do it all the time.

Also, I use Firefox for my web browser, and somehow I have an option when I right-click in a comment box to do a spell check. Look it up online, if you don't have it.

** So everyone knows, I didn't just start harping on Rugga's spelling. He previously asked for an option to make corrections to his post, and so I wrote this. I'm going to leave it up for others who want the same info."
posted at 11:24:39 on July 29, 2010 by BeClean
Deleted them Thanks man    
"Recon I need a logic check.

Need to check and see if any web browsers offer any."
posted at 11:43:39 on July 29, 2010 by ruggaexpat
I can relate    
"Nothing great in this world was ever done but by someone who dreamed it first. In my opinion there is nothing greater than someone who imagines or dreams about how things could be. Dreams without action though are a travesty and I know ALL too well that lack of action can lead to sin. The path of least resistance is usually the one that leads to sin. I am working to do those things that are hard. I pray that as I discipline myself to do those things that are hard in everyday life that will carry over to my spiritual life as well as other very important relationships.

Don't give up being a Visionary."
posted at 13:05:19 on July 29, 2010 by TOLOVEENOUGH
"Why are you harping on ruggaexpat's spelling?"
posted at 01:00:04 on July 30, 2010 by Anonymous
"Thanks, Anon."
posted at 01:11:07 on July 30, 2010 by BeClean
Dreams and Fantasy    
"Wow, a lot of good comments going on here. My take on so called "Dreamers" being pre-disposed to crave pornography. (Every time I type that word I can hear President Kimball saying it over 35 years ago.) But I digress. I get sidetracked so easy. I too was/am a dreamer. I too fell head first into Porn starting at the age of 8. I look back on it and have never thought that because I dream and scheme alot that I was prone to porn. (hey- a jingle- Pron to Porn) (Might make a good country song)

There is a lie that has been taking root in society and it is this: Gay men are that way because they were born that way. They can't help it. I will not clutter up these pages in trying to prove or disprove that one. The plain fact is that it is a learned behavior just like viewing pron is. Those that view porn solidify their addiction by masturbation, going to porn shops to rent videos, on line porn, nude bars etc. etc. It becomes a lifestyle that many of us had to hide and keep secret.
When it comes to sexual arousal, the human male brain cannot differentiate the difference between fantasy and reality. Fact is, God made us to be aroused just with a look. With women it is different. But with us guys, just one look and our "system" gets turned on, literally, and then we embellish and fantasize and it progressively gets worse and worse. Our Heavenly Father created as as male and female, as sexual beings to have a face to face relationship. We are not animals, we are His offspring and as such the way is made and prepared to go back to Him as Husband and Wife, eternally sealed. HOW BEAUTIFUL.

Adam and Eve could not re-produce as commanded. Why? They did not have blood in their veins and sexual reproduction is a "Blood Process". They fell that they "Men Might Be". And what of this Blood? We are born carnal, sensual and devilish. So says the Bible. It also says that the Natural Man is an enemy to God. It's in our blood to be aroused by the site of a woman. (Sadly, some have learned to be attracted to their own gender) A woman is the most beautiful creation that God has made. Seriously, I don't see what women see in us. No wonder they are not aroused by sight like we are. They need TLC. And Heavenly Father wants us to treat all of His daughters as the angels they are. I once read a report on Why Women become voyeurs, porn stars and erotic dancers. One of the main reasons was- THEY NEVER HAD A FATHER IN THEIR LIVES!!!!! A righteous husband and father- that is what I want to be. That is the legacy that I want to leave behind. Not the legacy of an absentee father, a detached self centered addict that is to be pitied.

RUGGAEXPAT- you can dream about great things. Qualify to go to the Temple and I promise you that your dreaming will expand beyond your wildest dreams.

I am migail3, my last "relapse was back in the early 90's, I live the 12 steps every day and I invite you to a life free from addiction. Imagine (dream) a life where you are strong in recovery and a life where you and your wife are in love, Celestial Love where the both of you live for the Lord and for each other. That's my dream."
posted at 21:48:36 on July 30, 2010 by migail3
Thanks Mig    
"Lot to chew on."
posted at 08:25:45 on July 31, 2010 by ruggaexpat

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"Brothers and sisters, stay on the straight and narrow path. No, stay in the middle of the straight and narrow path. Don't drift; don't wander; don't dabble; be careful. Remember, do not flirt with evil. Stay out of the devil's territory. Do not give Satan any home-field advantage. Living the commandments will bring you the happiness that too many look for in other places. "

— Larry W. Gibbons

General Conference October 2006