Nothing Makes Sense In Darkness
By They Speak
5/21/2010 1:36:57 AM
It is late. I know I should be in bed. My addict is writing this. Sleep is my number one priority in preparing my body to submit...and yet here i am knowlingly ON AN ADDICTION RECOVERY WEB SITE keeping myself up indulging the natural man unyelding to Peace. At least im documenting it.

Im full of confusion. Ive recently replied about choice and how I can choose to believe Satans lie's or reject them. One reading my experience may think "well ill be that guys got a pretty good handle on that". Nothing could be further from the truth...intellectual understand often equates to very little in making good decitions. "The problem is choice" -Neo (The Matrix). In the second episode of Star Wars O B Wan is tempted by the Sith yet without hesitation he cofidently puts the temptations aside. Comparing that insident with the conversation between Anakin and senetor Palpoteen (the Sith lord) and literally seeing the twisting of Anakins mind I thought to myself...what is the differnce between O B Wan and Anakin? Why is Anakin so confused and full of darkness? Anakin is far a supirior Jedi...yet?... He chooses it. I am Darth Vador.

I know there is a lot about choice I don't understand...I know I can't do this with out Christ...I just don't know if I have what it takes...Maybe like Anakin I need too need to resolve the underlying issues, my wounds, that are the cause of my fears before I can expect to make good O B Wan.

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” -Yoda to Anakin

What is the cause of my fear? What do I fear?

Ha! I had no intention of making this a Star Wars Disscoarse...nor did I think to make sense of anything when I started...but right now in my drunkin with exhaustion state...thats seems like some pretty good stuff to chew on...hmmm. I double check in the morning.


"I know BECLEAN is gonna eat me for this ;) so i'll clearify...yes obviously I DONT HAVE WHAT IT TAKES...I guess what I ment was I don't know if I have the willingness to choose Christ...yet.

What motivates or gives willingness?"
posted at 02:03:53 on May 21, 2010 by They Speak
"The only way you're gonna find any willingness is to go to the Dagoba System and ask Yoda for help!"
posted at 02:38:02 on May 21, 2010 by Anonymous
Nothing Makes Sense In Darkness    
"I understand, It is 440am and I am up and online posting.

I feel some of the same pain and anguish and I am not even the addict. I just feel the pain f what comes with being married to one and giving birth to one.

It is all the same if you think about it.

I am just hoping to reach a place where this stops hurting.

I go to my closet, pray and cry everyday. I am having a hard time accepting this whole thing. And the funny thing is that it has been in my life for 25+ years.

I am just starting to understand this as the pain and the temptation to blame myself is still there. I know that I did not cause his/their problems and I know that I can't cure them. It is just that the reality of this whole thing is such a burden. Although I am giving it to the Lord, he has just not yet come to rescue me.

I do not want to be a victum in all of this. I am in mourning for the death of marriage/ life as I thought it would be. After all of these years, I am starting to accept that this is my life and I may never change. I am working on changiing me and love my addicts along the way.

This whole damn thing has infected my whole family and I have a child who is suffering greatly. I wish I could help him or make a difference in his life, but for now he is angry with me most all of the time. I love him enough to accept his anger, knowing that I must be the safest person for him to hate right now.

So as you resist temptation to use porn, I resist the temptation to blame myself for my husband's and Child's addictions.

I am looking too Christ to live because at this point, that is all I have.

posted at 05:57:38 on May 21, 2010 by Anonymous
What is the difference between Obi-Wan and Anakin?    
"I love the Star Wars discussion and analogy. May I share my opinion in answer to the above question? I'll answer the question with another question and answer:

What is the difference between pre-earth Jehovah and Lucifer?

In my opinion, it has a lot to do with selfishness. There is a line, a continuum between completely unselfish on one end and completely selfish on the other.

Lucifer, the light bringer, a son of the morning:
* wanted glory, power, and honor for himself; ironically, he will receive none of that
* was powerful and promising; but it was always about him, and it's impossible to build an eternal Celestial society with beings who are so completely self centered
* has always been willing to use other beings for his personal gain
* would gladly deliver each one of us to eternal torment, if it means he gets to reign over us for a little while

Therefore, because of his complete selfishness, Lucifer had to be cast out from the society of selfless beings.

Jehovah, the First Born, the great I AM:
* wants glory, power, and honor for His Father and for the rest of us, with no thought for Himself; ironically, He will receive all of that for Himself
* would never use one of us for His personal gain
* will use us for His Father's gain or for the benefit of His other children, but only IF it will also make us better
* uses Himself willingly for our gain
* (I believe He) would willingly cease to exist, if it were possible, if it meant one of us would be exalted

Of course, the only way for us to join him in His exalted Kingdom is to become completely unselfish, to sacrifice our desires, passions, time, talents, and means, and to lose our lives for our spouses, our children, our God, and our neighbor. I believe that is essentially the Law, which Celestial beings must obey to live in that Kingdom. The inevitable side effect of a Kingdom filled with completely unselfish beings is that EVERYONE is blessed, glorified, and exalted together.

Anakin, though a superior Jedi, was tempted through all his selfishness. He wanted that power and glory for himself and his immediate family at the expense of every other being in his galaxy far, far away. He was willing to use others to get what he wanted. So, he (and Palpatine) created an empire where only he and a select few were "exalted."

Obi Wan unselfishly desired freedom and peace for others, at his own personal expense. He was willing to give his own life for his friends and for the republic. And, He eventually did. The result was the blessing and glorification of everyone around him."
posted at 09:46:34 on May 21, 2010 by BeClean

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"If it were possible to make your road very easy, you wouldn’t grow in strength. If you were always forgiven for every mistake without effort on your part, you would never receive the blessings of repentance. If everything were done for you, you wouldn’t learn how to work, or gain self-confidence, or acquire the power to change. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990