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Surrender
By They Speak
5/18/2010 9:50:21 AM
I posted this awhile back (it was my second post) but wasn't sure what it ment to me. Things were pretty dark then. Even the title I had it under didn't satisfy me at the time as to coveying the message or my feelings. I just knew it had touched my heart in an odd way and in my own way I felt I could relate.

About a week and a half ago (september 15thish) on a hike up to the top of mtn washburn in yellow stone with "cold wind" hugging us to the bone I explained this true story to my wife and how it seems and feels so much like my own processes of learning to surrender...at least for me

Anyway, ive been thinking alot about it so I renamed it. And am throwing back out there. Maybe hopefully someone will get something out of it.

Enjoy

The ritual motion of Stalking Wolf's hands as he folded our clothes neatly and stood with them made me feel suddenly very solemn as if something important was about to happen, one of those things that so changes your life that the rest of it is forever different in some important way from what went before. Stalking Wolf reached into his bag and handed us each a pair of cut-offs. He allowed us to keep our sneakers. When we had put them on, he nodded and we sat down where we had been.
"The cold wind is your brother," he said. "You have treated him as your enemy." The hand rose in our defense. "If you go home in this fashion, you will never feel his bite again." Stalking Wolf's voice sounded as if going home was a journey we would make forever. The hand gave us its protection against our own weaknesses. The cold wind waited outside to meet us.
Stalking Wolf opened the door and Cold Wind poked his head in. The snow curled and settled to the floor like leaves. I watched it shave its gentle curves out of the air, touch the floor, and disappear. The flakes were large and falling thickly. I could see them coming down incessantly against the night. Stalking Wolf sealed the door and was gone.
Rick and I waited until he would have been well on his way and then stepped outside into the snow. The sheer beauty of it made us warm, and we set off along the trail as if it was spring and walking home was as easy as staying where we were. Cold Wind met us on the trailwhere we least expected him. He came with a thickening of the snow, and we felt him kicking up the branches before he began to whirl the snow around us.
There was more to his touch than we imagined, and we began to shiver long before I would have expected us to. There was still a long walk home ahead of us, and the snow was painting the deer trails and the dog runs white, like highways beween the darker masses of the trees. But from the gound, everything had begun to look the same, and only the fact that we had come that way so often kept us moving as we should. The further we went, the tighter the wind held the swirls of snow to us until we could hardly see where we were going.
Before half way I had befun to feel truly cold. My body shivered freely and without restraint. My capacity for cold seemed to lessed with each step. I felt as if water were funning down inside my skin, wetting it and leaving me vulnerable to the cold. Moving tried to warm me, but I had been too cold too long. My teeth began to chatter. We were still three miles from the house. The cold wind kept telling me to lie down and rest. I wanted to speak to Rick, but my voice would not work. My mouth could not form the words. My voice was a shiver
I flet our brother, the icy wind, lay his heaviest hand against us. The wind wrapped us in a cocoon of flakes. There seemed no way I could go on. I was so cold that all the times I had been cold before seemed to have accumulated and been given to me to endure at once. A mile further on, Cold Wind touched us for the last time. The chill that surrounded me wrapped tighter.
The snow was up over the top of our sneakers. My feet burned when I walked. Every step seemed to form me in ice and break me loose to take the next step. If we had come that far lost and afraid, we would have died. But we were on an adventure Stalking Wolf had planned for us. I thought about what he had always told us, that nature could not hurt us if we were at one with it, and I stopped resisting the cold. The result was instantaneous. Cold Wind seemed to laugh through the pines, shaking down snow in its passage. My coldness was gone.
I took another few steps without feeling it. Only when I looked at Rick did I realize that I was warm again, that the cold had left me never to return. We quickened our pace, anxious to get home and tell Stalking Wolf what had happened. We were running by the time we reached Stalking Wolf's house, and laughing, andscooping up huge handfuls of snow and throwing then on each other. The wind died for a while, and we ran through the break in the storm toward Stalking Wolf's house. When we stepped inside, the house seemed uncomfortably hot. Stalking Wolf met us smiling and gave us back our clothes. I have not been truly cold since.

-The Tracker (the autobiography of Tom Brown Jr.)

Comments:

"Cold wind"    
"...is all of my pains, fears, and insecurities. My weakness is my total inability to handle cold wind on my own. These things are natural to the fall and wonderfully and dreadfully necessary for my experience. Yet I try horribly to insulate myself from it on my own with the addiction, self deception and low level consciousness. Recovery/repentance asks me to walk uninsulated out into the cold dark and dreary world trusting Nature, willing to feel all of my experience...and though it can nearly kill me at times as I truly and honestly surrender the results are "instantaneous" and in the ever typical irony of Gods work "my coldness is gone". I must not be "afraid" and trust that I am not "lost" but that I am on a great adventure Stalking Wolf has planned for me.

Son
Of a
B
Everything is
Real"
posted at 04:59:52 on September 27, 2010 by They speak
The Big Thaw!!!    
"Congratulations THEY SPEAK, you are thawing out. Surrendering to your feelings, your life with confidence, (faith) in the power of the Son. I pray for your continued recovery and loved the analogy."
posted at 13:12:45 on September 28, 2010 by BYOUROWNHERO


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— Larry W. Gibbons

General Conference October 2006