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Finally feeling a bit of my savior's llove
By crushed
5/9/2010 9:37:18 PM
I'm posting this viewable by everyone not just on the spouse side because noone really writes and more spouse reply on everyone's site....
Anyways... this is been hell for me... most unexepected... (my husband disclosure of porn)... and I have felt like I wanted to die!! Like nothing was worth it.. I regretted having had children because of the pain and guilt of bringing them into this world in a family with no spirit, no worthy priestholder and no love. I just wanted to die for a few weeks... I will lie on the floor and howl (when the kids where not there). Yes I felt like crazy... ( the deception was extremely deep in my husband of ten years). I have never been a depressed person or pessimistic... I usually was a stable and happy person. Anyways,I felt parachuted in hel for a few weeks.. .. went to the counselor and was told I had a posttraumatic stress experience....
Anyways... I felt I lost myself and my personnality, my life and was questionning my testimony??? I'd pray and pray and read and read and sing hyms to myself, just to keep my faith alive. went to the 12 steps, etc.. It's been a few weeks now... and I gradually started to regain faith in the Lord and started to regain faith in my SAviour.
I have just been at Time out for women, and what a blessing it was. I felt the love of my father and my saviour. I know they have not abandonned me. And that is the greatest blessing I have receive since this happened. I know somehow, . .. he will save me from this darkness, he knows me and my pain and will help me trough it. Even thou I do not see how or when ... I know that If I just hold on ... he will pull me and save me

Comments:

God will feel after you...    
"Thank you for the comment, Crushed. I feel so terrible for you, and will pray very hard on your behalf. You are absolutely right, God WILL save you from this darkness. He DOES know you. He IS real...despite the terrible ordeal your husband has put you through.

This is one of my favorite quotes from Joseph Smith. Perhaps it can help:

"It is quite as necessary for you to be tried as it was for Abraham and other men of God, and God will feel after you, and He will take hold of you and wrench your very heart strings, and if you cannot stand it you will not be fit for an inheritance in the Celestial Kingdom of God.""
posted at 23:50:52 on May 9, 2010 by BeClean


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