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Turning to God - What a blessing
By ruggaexpat
5/7/2010 2:42:46 PM
Tonight I am heading off to another 12 step meeting (step 4). Step 2 was great. Working the steps everyday is making a serious difference in my life. Life has changed drastically for me. My life has transformed to such a degree now that I am really living in a new world, that which is called reality and it is so cool. I sit back now and think about the dark days but even then it is so hard to recall what it feels like to have a fantasy or even look at that smutt. I have been working so hard on my thoughts to the point that I hardly get anything immoral flying through my head, what a blessing, the Lord is good and he keeps his promises if we trust him with everything we got. My wife now and again asks me to describe some of my thoughts from the past, I am at that point now that I cannot even remember specifics. This is a serious miracle in my life.

I do not count the days, that does not matter to me, I made the decision and I stick to it from now on, by doing so it becomes easier to ward off any temptation as it allows the savior to stregthen me sufficiently every time. I am no longer trying to serve 2 masters and so one loses out now, it is true that with God nothing is impossible. The Messiah has made my burdens lighter than I could ever have imagined.

I am also under no illusions, if I slack in my dedication to God, he will not be there for me as he is now and as it stands, I just cannot do this alone. I realize this is the reality but it is great to know that it will be my choices that will estrange me from the Lord, the responisbility is mine to choose not his. Free agency is a great thing, it is a precious gift, it is amazing to live with it, I aim to never give it away so cheaply as I did. It is so easy to lose it and yet so easy to use it, How crazy it all works in my life. I now understand why Satan was not interested in the idea of agency, because he knew that he would be powerless over us if we were to use it in opposition to him and his plan. I think He knew this all along and it is clear to be seen in peoples lives on this site.

I have also realized that there are other more subtle dependencies that I have which have a link to my addiction. I watched a great deal of sport online. I am an avid sport fan, and can spend hours chilling in front of the TV and computer. This however has been to my detriment and so I have had to make some hard, sweeping changes. There is no more sport in my life in the home, it is a huge change. I do miss it but less and less each day. When I am on the computer, I have limits and it is not just avoiding evil sites. I do not surf period. I do not go on facebook, do not check the news and do not check sports. Youtube is also a no no regardless of whether mormon channel is there. Satan is smarter than me and so I just stay as far away from him as possible when it comes to internet activity. Besides, now there is so much more time with family, and personal time with the Lord. It is my way of putting him first.

Step 3 is incredible, it is truely a hard doctrine but it is worth living.

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"Don’t live your life in despair, feeling sorry for yourself because of the mistakes you have made. Let the sunshine in by doing the right things—now. It may be difficult to begin, but pick up the scriptures and immerse yourself in them. Look for favorite passages. Lean on the Master’s teachings, on His servants’ testimonies. Refresh your parched soul with the word of God. The scriptures will give you comfort and the strength to overcome. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990