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New perspective
By ican2
4/18/2010 8:45:00 PM
I recently had the oportunity to see my wife through different eyes and begin to understand the pain I am causing her and (sad to say) begin to feel real sorrow for my actions. I think I actually did use the adiction as a way to continue to do what I knew I shouldn't do. My wife said to me that I wasn't even trying, and I think that at times I wasn't.
I have been reading a few comments and to save our souls and our marriages with them we need to have compasion on each other and true desire for one another happiness. I have sexualized all my thoughts and triggers so that my senses are so easily aroused. I have trained myself to desire certain "perfect" bodies and have pushed this propaganda on my wife without even knowing it. I read an artcile about it from a conference called cyber sex. It totaly humbled me and I saw things a little bit differently when I was done reading it. Satan is strong and for us who are bound by the heavy chain of pornography and sex addiction we need all the power we can get to stand and shake off the chains that bind us. Imagine if that chain has been built by experience on experienc, image by image, I know for me that chain is unbarable and will drop any man to his knees in tears because of the weight. I have at times realized and been in tears because of what I continued to do to my wife and eventually my children if I cannot rise up. I thank God that His Son has come and stood unde the weight of these chains and will stand with me as I do all I can to get off my knees, on my feet and begin again the path to eternal life.
Today is day 11 for me, but after the experiencethat I shared first with my Heavenly Father and Savior and the through many tears shared with my wife I feel as if the past sins are all a bad dream and I am alive now. I k ow that the road is long and the weight will always be heavy but I know I can do this. My favorite thing about this gospel is that I can know for myself that I am clean that God can reveal to me through His spirit that I am clean and it is that feeling that cannot compare to anything this world can offer or pretend to offer. God bless us all as we seek to build Zion in ourselves that we will be prepared for Christ when He comes. My heart is full, my eys are moist and I know Jesus is the Christ the Savior of us all.

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"Are you battling a demon of addiction—tobacco or drugs, or the pernicious contemporary plague of ography? Whatever other steps you may need to take to resolve these concerns, come first to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Trust in heaven’s promises. In that regard Alma's testimony is my testimony: "I do know," he says, "that whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions."

— Jeffrey R. Holland

General Conference, April 2006