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Easter Help...
By Gondor44646
4/4/2010 1:39:59 PM
Hi, yeah, it's Gondor again.

It's Easter, YaY, General conference is playing right now! YaY!... ... ... I want to masturbate........... please somebody just kill me now... :(

Ok ok, I'm not actually that depressed, sorry for crushing this great day.

I failed a couple of days ago. I got up to 52 days, sure I wish I was just done with it and perfect, but I'm still working on it. To be nice to myself I would say that the 52 days was great. My record is 83, but as so long as I kill out 2 months at a time I could say that I am a lot happier, I know it needs to be even better.

This selfish self-serving appetite. What and why. What is Love? What is Lust? Is this appetite born of Love? Or is this Lust born to Love?

What I am trying to say...? Is it actually possible for a Man to love a Women? Or is it just Lust that brings them together and they just happen to be friends? Is sex in marriage a love thing and not actually lust? Is that a type of love in marriage? What is Love?

I'm single sure, I don't know. But this self-hatred and sexual sin has caused me to doubt any such "Love" in marriage. I hate man, wait!? I am a Young Man!? I hate myself and I curse my sexuality. I would much rather remain single, lonely and miserable that to pretend to be married and to love.

What is there to protect? Are we emotionless creatures? It is void to my understanding. Will sex mean anything to me or a man? Or will I just trade it for a cookie again!!?

When a couple is together. The women wonders does this man love me? The man wonders how pleasurable that kiss felt... I feel it is easier to be exploited this way? But does that mean that there is something for a Man to protect within himself? Can these sexual feelings be used to genuinely care for and love a women? Or is it just another appetite to pleasure... As stupid as food, eat it to give energy to your body, or to eat it just because it freaking taste good??

Oh I am hidden under sin. It has hurt me so much that I wonder what I am fighting for. I wonder how I could love. I wonder how I could be lovable? I lose myself like an animal with instinct and no soul to love.

I always wonder how disrespectful and evil this sin is to Women. I am selfish. I see how this sin is also so disrespectful to men, and how degrading and exploiting it is to our own emotional well being and purpose. Our boys, Young man, single adults, lose ourselves to an emotionless state of non-existence. We might think we could be in love, only to commit fornication, adultery, sin... and only to wonder what other virtue could we have saved in our youth had in not naturally been plagued with curiosity, exploration, and pleasure... The devil will say... What statistics are you against, every young-man will masturbate. Love? Love? No, Pleasure, Lust, enhancements, marriage?? What is it that you shouldn't... I say... What love is it that we saved by simply saying no... I know masturbation feels good, but I don't need that and I can comfort myself with God's love rather than Sin. I can only hope that there will be something I save, some true happiness that I don't know, that maybe faith in my God alone will provide...

I get back on track... hoping, quite blinding as the devil does to me. Hoping God will help me and let me see what it is. and if not, then just saying no to sin just for giggles not seeing anything else and just hoping I'll feel happy anyway...


Sorry if my post depresses or upsets anybody. I'm not actually that depressed, I'm just throwing up all of this post. Like as if I just ate a huge chocolate cake and didn't feel so good... and threw up everywhere, hope you don't mind feeling my discomfort. Please God help me. I just want to be happy.

((Just for the record I speak of my sin, Masturbation and Pornography, and not of fornication or other sin, I speak of them in terms of the other likewise...))

Gondor, that is all...

Comments:

thanks for your post    
"I hope that what I say is not taken as advice, but as my feelings about what you have said. I am no expert and have no authority or desire to tell anyone how they should act. I do hope that some of my words could be helpful to someone that may read them, and that by writing I become more honest with myself.

I have struggled with porn and masturbation for many years. I have been married for almost seven years. I had this addiction long before my marriage and hoped to overcome it before getting married. I was not successful, and I am yet to be sealed to my wife. I wanted to give my own thoughts about love and lust. I do love my wife very much. She knows it. She loves me very much. Lust does weaken our love. There is no question that when I have looked at pornography I have been unfaithful to my wife. That doesn't mean that I don't love her, but that I did something that damaged our loving relationship. Did lust bring us together? I would say that physical attraction is an essential part of a healthy marriage relationship. I would categorize lust as seeking after someone or something that I should not have or want. It is good to "lust" after my wife, because our physical attraction is a good thing. Having a very attractive wife does not make abstaining from porn or masturbation any easier."
posted at 22:04:24 on April 5, 2010 by spencer


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"My brethren who are caught in this addiction or troubled by this temptation, there is a way. Don’t accommodate any degree of temptation. Prevent sin and avoid having to deal with its inevitable destruction. So, turn it off! Look away! Avoid it at all costs. Direct your thoughts in wholesome paths. Please heed these warnings. Let us all improve our personal behavior and redouble our efforts to protect our loved ones and our environment from the onslaught of ography that threatens our spirituality, our marriages, and our children. "

— Dallin H. Oaks

General Conference, April 2005