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advice? :D
By helpme
3/10/2010 12:37:20 AM
hey everyone! Thank you all for being there for me through everything in my life. For those of you that remember this...I talked about a boy friend that i was really serious with and considered marry him but I felt like I was lying to him by not telling him my mb addiction and me going to far with a few guys. Well over the weekend he told me that he had sexual intercourse with a girl in between when we were together, just like i had, we broke up for about a year- it was because of my mb problems which he didnt know about at the time. anyway...He is dis fellowshipped from the church for a year. So him and I are in the same boat. It crazy!! I never thought we would be saying the same thing to each other. I didn't tell him about my mb problems cause I thought that was more then he needed to know for now. I am so excited that we got it off of our chest and that we are completely honest to eachother now. I also know this is where Satan can come in. I know that my boy and I need to me esp carefully cause we are both repenting and trying to be better. I really do feel like it is a good thing though. I know we can be good for each other. we have already set up rules that we are both okay with. I love being so spiritual and reading the scriptures with him and bringing eachother up.
Does anyone have any tips? i cant blow it with this guy and I want to do all I can not to. I love the Lord and I am trusting in him.

Comments:

Rules    
"Very interesting. My wife and I had a similar conversation before we were married, and I thought I was confessing to someone who wouldn't understand (and I was worried she would break up with me). But I found out she had made many of the same mistakes I had. In a perfect world, we'd all make it to marriage with a clean record, but it doesn't work that way for everyone. My wife is the best thing that's ever happened to me. She's been supportive through the ups and downs of my addiction and has helped me make it through the toughest times. I couldn't ask for someone better.

As far as advice goes, I think you're on the right track with rules. Since you have both "been there," Satan will try to get you to open that door again. In Alma:49, there is a story about the Lamanites coming to attack the Nephites in cities that were previously weak (Ammonihah and Noah). But to the surprise of the Lamanite captains, Moroni had fortified those cities. The Lamanites were intimidated and didn't attack Ammonihah. They attacked Noah only because they had sworn an oath that they would--and they were soundly defeated.

You'll need those same fortifications in your relationship if you want to defeat the enemy. In addition to any rules you may have already set, I recommend following the standards in "For the Strength of Youth" http://www.lds.org/youthresources/pdf/ForStrengYouth36550.pdf --It doesn't really matter how old you are, until you're married most of those standards are exactly what you need to stay clean.--

There are ways to be intimate without physical contact, and some of the best experiences I've had on dates were times when I really connected with someone on an emotional and spiritual level. There will be plenty of time for physical intimacy after you're married. I can testify of the regret you will feel if you let things get out of control and cross the line; the years of emotional pain aren't worth the moment of pleasure! I can also testify of the real joy you'll find in a meaningful relationship based on mutual respect and friendship, in addition to romantic love. Make the temple your goal and don't settle for being married anywhere else.

It sounds like you're doing well--keep it up, and keep us posted on your progress."
posted at 01:29:02 on March 10, 2010 by finallyfree
Wait a minute    
"He has had sexual intercourse in between you being together? As in, you were together, then you weren't and during that time he had sex, then you got back together? He was then disfellowshipped. Is he still disfellowshipped, this day? Girl, if you guys are having the same problems, that could be a situation that will lead to sexual misconduct. EspeciallY, ESPECIALLY if you guys already know your history too and you both have the same current issue."
posted at 14:38:19 on March 10, 2010 by Anonymous
BE CAREFUL    
"Dear Helpme,

You know that a few of us have read all of your posts and commented on almost every one. We are here for you, we pray for you. We want you to do what is right, to put God first, to overcome your problem, and to have the Spirit in your life. We want you to be happy. And we want you to get married in the temple--to the right person, at the right time. You want all of that for yourself, too.

You have often felt very unworthy of your boyfriend. We have told you the HE has sins, too, and we have told you that mb is NOT a reason to break up with him. Hopefully, you now realize that no one is perfect, and that you can be worthy of any boy and of the temple, through the atonement of Jesus.

But I am very worried for you, Helpme. You told us that your boyfriend is trying to get back out on his mission. We encouraged you to give him some space and let him go serve.

Now, you tell us that your boyfriend has been disfellowshipped from the church and that he recently committed fornication. Obviously, this boy is not the perfect Peter Priesthood you thought he was.

Now, we ALL have problems, and I am NOT about to judge your boyfriend for his. I do not know him, and I do not know if he is doing everything in his power to repent.

But you need to be careful right now. Please take this warning seriously. Your boyfriend is struggling with sexual temptations, and so are you. Neither one of you is enjoying the sacrament or the full blessings of the Spirit right now. You need to stay FAR, FAR AWAY from any situations that might lead to sexual problems between you. If you decide to talk about your sexual issues, you should do so quietly in a large, public place. You should try to stay in public places. Go on double dates. Go home early.

More than anything, you two need to put God first. Put God before each other. Do what the Lord would have you do. Do everything in your power to get back to the sacrament table. Keep yourself worthy for the sacrament and for the temple, too. That doesn't mean you have to be perfect, but you DO need to be careful and not tempt your boyfriend, and don't let him tempt you.

I suggest that you talk (in public) with your boyfriend about your desire to put God first and to avoid all temptation. Tell your boyfriend that you want to help him get back to full fellowship so that he can be worthy of taking a girl to the temple. Tell him that you are not going to tempt him, and ask him not to tempt you.

All I can say is, be VERY careful. If this is done entirely with the Lord, it can be a wonderful relationship, despite both of your problems. However, if you don't put God first RIGHT NOW, this could be a terribly destructive relationship. Do NOT go there, for your own good!

Love,
BeClean"
posted at 18:18:45 on March 11, 2010 by BeClean
Yes    
"I completely agree with beclean. Satan is at your door step."
posted at 08:14:53 on March 12, 2010 by maybeme
Me too    
"I too agree with beclean. Helpme, you don't have time to play with temptation. You are at the doors of temptation and if you linger around them you might find yourself entering."
posted at 08:18:12 on March 12, 2010 by GETTINTHERE
Games    
"This will sound totally corny, but buy some board games to play when you are together. Do things that keep your hands busy. Don't just sit alone and watch TV. Stay in public or with family. Being alone together is not the right thing to do right now.
The Lord loves you and wants the best for you. He will help you."
posted at 13:28:24 on April 7, 2010 by KRIS
Spirit World activities    
"You know, when we are in the spirit world waiting for our bodies, we wont be able to do the physical things we used to, so my suggestion for your relationship right now would be to do things that don't require you to get physical, do the things that will help you get to know the person better. You can do other physical things like hiking and playing sports or jogging or something but nothing that involves contact for right now, wait for all of that."
posted at 21:25:20 on April 7, 2010 by Anonymous


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"Man has a dual nature; one, related to the earthly or animal life; the other, akin to the divine. Whether a man remains satisfied within what we designate the animal world, satisfied with what the animal world will give him, yielding without effort to the whim of his appetites and passions and slipping farther and farther into the realm of indulgence, or whether, through self-mastery, he rises toward intellectual, moral, and spiritual enjoyments depends upon the kind of choice he makes every day, nay, every hour of his life"

— David O. McKay