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Lasted 15 days...
By j89
2/27/2010 6:16:57 PM
Sometimes I wonder if it's even possible to be truly freed from this. My appetite has overpowered my will. This seems impossible to overcome. I hate this. I'm finding this very difficult. I usually last around 2 weeks and I always fail. I know it's an improvement over the 2 days I used to last when I first started this but the 2 weeks is my roadblock every time. This is the 3rd time I reached around 2 weeks. When will this ever get easier? I don't know if I can do this. I hate giving the bad news to my branch president and my mom whenever I fail. I'm such a failure. I know that I have the potential to be freed from this, but when will I ever reach it? :(

Comments:

It gets easier,    
"Don't give up hope. Just going one day can be an accomplishment. The key is to take recovery one day at a time. What good does it do us if we go a thousand days and then end up forgetting about today and messing up? I'm no expert when it comes to sobriety, but I've been to enough meetings to know that there is hope of being free because if you can be clean for the next 24 hours, then what's stopping you from being clean for 24 more after that?

Look at the bright side, you went two whole weeks, and that's a definite sign of improvement. Keep your head up, you can do it."
posted at 21:40:37 on February 27, 2010 by ETTE
focus    
"You might think I am about to tell you to be more focused but I am not. I am instead going to suggest changing your focuses. Instead of turning away from a suggestive picture or a show and saying you are turning away because of your addiction say, "I am turning away because God wants for me to be chase and I want to live righteousely too." Also indulge yourself in an outside activity. Get yourself emerged into your scripture study or in a hobby or reading as many of the previous ensigns you can in one year. You can also take the time you would have spent on doing unholsomethings and try to memorize something each day like, a scripture or even a good book. Spend that time each day and just change the focus. When you finish repenting you want to eventually forget all the things you have done, so go ahead and start now. The lord said if we repent he will remember our sins no more. This is one reason he commanded the prophet in the Book of Mormon not to get into detail concerning the secret combinations, because he didn't want it to go into their memories.
Anyway, that is all, hope it helps."
posted at 23:37:59 on February 27, 2010 by Anonymous
I agree    
"The last two comments were great. Stay positive. Think about what went well this last time. Instead of thinking, "Why do I always fail at two weeks?", try this: "If I used to only last 2 days and now I REGULARLY last two weeks, I AM getting better; God IS changing me!" It will take time, but you are getting there!!

And I'm a big fan of changing your focus. Think less about your addiction and more about the rest of your life. You are not your addiction, J89. There is so much more to you than this. Focus on it. Personally, I'm finishing up a John Grisham novel. I'm also in the middle of "Rough Stone Rolling," about Joseph Smith. Do you have a good book to read? These things fill a void in my life and keep my mind focused somewhere else.

I once wrote that our addiction is like an itch. If you focus on it, it only gets worse. You have to take your mind off of the itching for it to go away. Here's what I wrote: http://www.ldsar.org/ViewBlog.aspx?EntryId=5673 .

Well done with two weeks. Now don't worry about it. That's what Satan wants you to do. Get up and move forward. Tell your branch president. Tell your mom. Tell them what went well. Tell them what you plan to do differently, like what else do you plan to focus on for the next little while."
posted at 01:08:25 on February 28, 2010 by BeClean
...    
""Are you battling a demon of addiction—tobacco or drugs, or the pernicious contemporary plague of ography? Whatever other steps you may need to take to resolve these concerns, come first to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Trust in heaven’s promises. In that regard Alma's testimony is my testimony: "I do know," he says, "that whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions."
— Jeffrey R. Holland
General Conference, April 2006"
posted at 08:50:07 on February 28, 2010 by gettinthere
Thanks.    
"Thanks for the comments. I do agree with changing my focus, when I was busy with my hobbies I didn't have any problems with my addiction, I didn't even know it was there. I need to keep busy and not worry about my addiction, I definitely should read more, I got a few books in Christmas that I still need to finish, I should start reading them again.
I have been with this addiction since I was around 6 years old and I'm now 20. I only realized that I was an addict last year. I've had this in the majority of my life and I don't know who I really am anymore. From reading the scriptures I do know where I come from and who I am but I have been doing wrong for so long in my life that I'm finding the path back to the straight and narrow to be very difficult. I hope I can find it and keep on that path."
posted at 15:56:10 on February 28, 2010 by j89
time and yes, patience    
"The taming of a great beast doesn't happen over night, it takes time before the beast begins to come under your control. I started my "purity quest" on 4/25/08 -- since that day it has been one struggle after the next but it has been getting better and better with each failure - I get stronger, I get more patient and I learn form what worked or what didn't work. I have been so strengthen by my Savior Jesus Christ and Father in Heaven to the point where I am truly beginning to realize that I don't need this anymore - yes, I want it -- but I don't need it. I have never started a year off like this before - ever! All of January and all of February have been porn/mb free -- I have been "pure" -- with 6 days added from 2009 I am now at day 65 of my purity quest and the desires to "do it" are very faint -- mind you, they are still there, however I have all my controls in place to keep them at the minimal level and just go on with everyday life. Actually just 2 days ago I was online "viewing" with the full intention to give in - I wanted to so bad -- but a funny thing happend -- my desire to not give in was stronger than my desire to give in -- and that has never happened! The beast can be tamed, I have a long way to go myself, but through patience and doing what I need to on a daily basis, it is being tamed and I am gaining more control with the passing of each day.

Be strong my young friend - I love and respect you for your decision to be pure!

Power in Purity!"
posted at 11:29:23 on March 1, 2010 by whitewolf
Here's a great article    
"I just read this and posted on my website yesterday - it's so good and I feel goes well with our post here:
http://whitewolfpurity.blogspot.com/2010/03/meridian-magazine-myth-of-month-nephias.html"
posted at 09:08:44 on March 2, 2010 by whitewolf
Great article    
"I wish more people in the Church would focus on and understand the indispensable role of Grace. God will save us, if we run to Him. We are nothing without Him.

Of course, WE must RUN to Him, if we are to be saved, but so many Mormons focus on our running to Him the right way, and they forget to focus on the fact that He does the saving.

Thanks, Whitewolf."
posted at 09:46:46 on March 2, 2010 by BeClean
Great Article    
"I just finished reading the article, it was some great reading. We definitely are nothing without Him. Just to check in. I did fail again on Monday but after I failed I prayed and I felt really good afterwards. Just like the article said. We feel even better than before we sinned. I just have to keep relying on the Lord for support. Also, like Whitewolf said that the desires are there but faint, and on monday they started faint and grew louder and louder until I gave in.
But after I prayed I knew everything would be alright. That prayer was great experience, I truly felt the Lord talk to me, answering my questions and He gave me an assignment to study about chastity so I can learn the truths so I can fight off satan's lies. I loved having that experience and I hope to have more like those."
posted at 22:35:39 on March 2, 2010 by j89
God's Grace    
"To be clear...it is marvelous to experience God's grace, to be embraced in his love and to feel his Spirit speak to us again, even after we have sinned. He loves us and wants us to return to him and to become like him, no matter what we have done. For that purpose, he will send his love and his Spirit to urge us forward, even though WE DO NOT DESERVE IT (I'm not sure we will EVER deserve it). This divine help and understanding is a personal application of God's grace. You have recently felt God's love and grace, J89.

But it is an entirely different feeling to go to battle against the evil one and to win out, as Moses and Jesus did when they told Satan to get behind them. We will get to that point, too, with God's help. As we turn our lives over to God and put him first, he will fight our battles for us, and we will win. We have all had days where we win the battle, where we withstand Satan's temptations. As we continue down this path of humility and submission, those days become more and more frequent, and they feel much better than the marvelous moments when we earnestly pray AFTER we have sinned.

Thanks for sharing your Spiritual experience, J89. I know without any doubt that God lives. He hears and answers our prayers."
posted at 09:11:16 on March 3, 2010 by BeClean
It is not easy    
"Yeah, it is not easy to tell satan to get behind you especially when you are caught in his snares. But thankfully, D&C does tell us that we all can cast out Satan using the name of Jesus Christ. If you cast him out though, you need to make sure you don't invite him back. And as Christ told his desciples long ago, some spirits have to be cast out with much fasting and prayer. All of us are capable of fasting, it is open to everyone. All of us can pray. All of us can cast satan away, it is now up to us to choose to do so."
posted at 15:24:03 on March 3, 2010 by maybeme
Controls    
"Whitewolf brought up a good point in his post -- the concept of controls. For me, this has been a critical part of my recovery. On the defensive side, I have setup Internet filters (only my wife has the password) on every computer I use. On the offensive side, I read scriptures and pray for strength regularly. Now, to be certain, these controls aren't perfect - no control will ever be good enough for me when I'm determined to act out. (Ultimately, my desire to turn to the Savior and be healed is the only real "control" I have.) But they give me time to think before I act.

At one point in my life I was sober for 5 years. I thought I had beat my addiction, but in the end I fell prey to it once more. I still kick myself for giving in again, but there have been other times when I could barely make it 5 minutes--so I have to recognize that 5 years of sobriety is success, not failure. The same is true of your 2 weeks, or 2 minutes, or 2 hours, or 2 years, whatever your sobriety. The only real failure is giving up.

To believe in recovery is to believe in two important things: Christ's atonement and His ability to change you. Do you believe you can change? I do. But you can't do it alone. And, while you're going through that change, you have to setup controls that keep you from acting out. I don't know what those controls look like for you, that's something you need to decide."
posted at 11:59:21 on March 4, 2010 by finallyfree


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"My spiritual prescription includes six choices which I shall list alphabetically, A through F:
  • Choose to Be Alive
  • Choose to Believe
  • Choose to Change
  • Choose to Be Different
  • Choose to Exercise
  • Choose to Be Free "

    — Russell M. Nelson

    General Conference, October 1988