By toes_23
2/16/2010 8:59:25 PM
In my institute class today we had a very wonderful lesson on morality and pornography.

I like to think of myself as somewhat experienced on both of those topics. I've messed up and repented enough to feel like I have a pretty good insight on some of the "inner-workings" and intricacies of the church system and repentance process.

I feel like I have a lot to add to the lesson, but don't want to give up my whole life story to people I don't know very well. Some of the things I could say implicate my husband and I wouldn't want people to think little of him either.

So I just sit and say nothing.

My mind raced the whole lesson, I felt the spirit and even felt prompted a couple of times to say something... what if someone needed to hear things I had racing through my head, and I didn't say them?

Is there anyway I can help others without giving away too much about myself? It may sound selfish in a way; I don't want to be thought bad about because of things I've repented of or things I am working on.



for what it's worth    
"For what it's worth, it sounds like you made the right decision.

LDSAR has some roots in AA and other 12 step programs. Those programs all have in common the requirement of anonymity. The reasons for strict anonymity are not just to save the addict and his/her family from embarrassment.

It is also to help maintain humility. As one of the founders of AA put it "The alcoholic craves the spotlight, the limelight". One cannot allow God's will in them when they are acting "proud" of an addiction. And frequently, when one is publicly sharing their experiences with an addiction, pride creeps in.

This is one reason why I'm skeptical of the numerous celebrities that have been coming out lately about their alcoholism, drug addiction, etc. and their membership in 12 step programs.

Now, that's just one addict's point of view. I understand that others may feel differently about public sharing, and that's okay. This is just what works for me."
posted at 22:49:50 on February 16, 2010 by hk-47
not proud...    
"I'm not proud of the addiction, by all means and would hate to be the spotlight because of it. I am however extremely thankful for the atonement, it's done a lot for me.. that part of my testimony has been confirmed many times, THAT is what I would like to share. But it's hard to talk about repentance without others assuming you've done something terrible."
posted at 22:53:22 on February 16, 2010 by toes_23
"If you can be of service, than do it!"
posted at 23:49:17 on February 16, 2010 by Anonymous
I would have to agree...    
"Don't worry about people looking down on you for repenting. Repentance is a beautiful thing that all and I mean ALL of us need. If people assume anything about you and stuff, they probably need to repent.
But on the other hand, the prophets have warned against sharing past sins and transgressions. I think if you are gonna share insight you don't need to tell anyone that you or your husband are involved with your comment. But if the spirit tells you to share something, you better share it. I doubt though that the spirit is gonna have you tell people in your class about you personally. You can always share comments in a general way.
So be careful with how you mention things but you can still give advice and remain anonymous. And let others judge if they may, they have the bigger problem to work out if they are judging you."
posted at 00:42:04 on February 17, 2010 by maybeme
Details are a need-to-know thing    
"I think you definitely have to take it each case at a time, and follow the Spirit as to how much to say. My wife and I were missionaries in the recovery program for a while. My wife had my permission to share my story if she ever felt she needed to. She ended up getting many calls and it was amazing how conversations changed and they opened up when people knew she really understood and wouldn’t judge because she had been there. I have probably gotten too free with telling people about my story. I had to reel myself in recently when I thought about telling someone. One positive experience occurred when my wife and I went to the temple. We ended up missing the session we wanted to make and later found ourselves in the circle with a woman who was weeping. I had a really strong impression that her husband was a porn addict. Back in my seat I debated and prayed about whether or not to approach her. I asked the Lord if we were really supposed to talk with her and the words came back that I would be under condemnation if I didn’t. That was why we were there. My wife approached her later asking if she needed help and she turned her down until she mentioned that she was married to a recovering porn addict. We ended up having a long conversation in the cafeteria. By sharing that I AM NOT implying that you are under condemnation because you didn’t speak up. I don’t blame you at all for hesitating. I do believe that we are often put in the right place at the right time for things like that. The woman didn’t even live in the area. She was there visiting family. Most of the times that we have shared our story it was in one-on-one conversations, not group settings.

On the other hand, I believe you can share your testimony and sometimes even your story anonymously and the people who need to hear it will feel the power of it even if you don’t tell them the details. You can bare your testimony of the Atonement without any details and the people who are sensitive will feel the depth of what you are saying. If you feel you need to share part of your story, but it is in a group setting, you can always refer to yourself as a close personal friend. I did that when my wife and I spoke in our ward. I wanted to say something that wouldn’t work without it coming from an addict, so I typed it out and read it like a quote. I don’t consider it as lying. Now that I like myself, I consider myself a friend."
posted at 16:05:41 on February 25, 2010 by Anonymous
Thank you anonymous    
"I think your story of your prompting is not just a once in a life time thing but something that can happen often and I am thankful you shared that. I think a lot of times we do forget to ask the lord or we just simply think we know what we should do without seeking the lord's consent. Wether the lord says yes or no or something else, you still have received an answer. I am sure you have many more experiences like this where the lord gave you a specific answer to your prayer. We all have the opportunity to receive answers. Thank you again for sharing."
posted at 17:37:20 on February 25, 2010 by gettinthere
"Thank you anonymous! I really appreciate your in-sight. I think trusting in the Lord has a lot to do with divulging personal information. Listening to the spirit is a big part of recovery. I like the suggestion to quote yourself... I may use it. Thanks!"
posted at 23:16:04 on March 8, 2010 by toes_23

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"I have come to know that thoughts, like water, will stay on course if we make a place for them to go. Otherwise, our thoughts follow the course of least resistance, always seeking the lower levels. Probably the greatest challenge and the most difficult thing you will face in mortal life is to learn to control your thoughts. In the Bible it says, as a man ‘thinketh in his heart, so is he’ (Prov. 23:7). One who can control his thoughts has conquered himself. As you learn to control your thoughts, you can overcome habits, even degrading personal habits. You can gain courage, conquer fear, and have a happy life. "

— Boyd K. Packer

BYU, Speeches of the Year, 26 Sept. 1967