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My Problem
By j89
2/10/2010 2:44:12 PM
I'm new to this group and blogging. I've been reading a couple people's stories and it has been helpful.
I'm feeling quite tempted right now but I feel that I shouldn't indulge in my addiction so I feel the best way to not do that would be writing, I'm not that good at it so bear with me.

I'm 20 years old and I'm a porn and masturbation addict trying to recover, I'm 10 days clean so far. I started my road to recovery a couple months ago and wasn't very successful, I was trying to do it all on my own and I kept failing after a few days of trying and then I couldn't take it anymore and would give in to the temptations and I would feel discouraged. When I was praying I asked my Heavenly Father what I should do about my problem and my answer was to seek the help of my mom and my bishop. I was very scared about talking about my deepest darkest secret to them and I waited a couple days and praying for the courage to talk to them but I decided that if I didn't do this I would never be clean, I had to tell someone.
One day I called my mom to talk to her in private and we had a long discussion about my problem, I felt much better afterwards and she encouraged me to talk to my bishop. That is what I was scared the most to do, I was terrified about talking to him and there were many bad thoughts in my head like "You're going to get excommunicated if you talk to him", "Everyone will hate you for what you have done.", "You are the worst person in the world.", but I knew that those thoughts could only be coming from the adversary. So I made my self a goal, that I would talk to my bishop no matter what, even if I was physically shaking when I did so.
Sunday came and it was the day to talk to my bishop and give him the bad news. We scheduled for me to talk to him on wednesday. So I did that.
When wednesday came I was a bit nervous but it was my goal so I had to do it.
It was very difficult for me to say what I wanted to say so I decided to just go right ahead and say it.

I was expecting him to be judgmental, yell at me, or something to that effect, but he wasn't. He was very calm and helped me through my problem, I also asked for a blessing and I felt assured that I was heading in the right direction.

My bishop also suggested me switch to the singles branch since there would be more people around my age and they have more activities than the family ward and that it would keep me busy and have some more fun in the process.
It took a couple weeks for me to want to switch but I decided to just visit for one sunday and see what it was all about. When I got there I had a good feeling about switching to the singles branch. They had activities every week, I was invited to Institute and I felt at home there so I switched to the single's branch.

I talked to my new stake president and I talked to him about my goals and what I was doing to achieve them. My goal is to serve a full time Mission, but I feel I'm not prepared for it because of my problem so he gave me an assignment of sorts. I should go and be clean one day at a time and that I should email him everyday and report on my progress at the end of the day. That helped me a lot, and I'm still working with him.
I'd like to thank my bishop for suggesting me go to the singles branch and my branch president for helping me and having patience with me even if I fall.

And most importantly the Atonement of Jesus Christ.
Last week I felt something different happening to me, I felt like I was getting transformed. I felt peace and that everything would be ok that I don't have to do this alone anymore.

Looking back on the times I did fall it was because of my own pride and believing that I did it in my own strength when in actuality I was getting help from above. I also noticed that the times I wasn't reading my scriptures for a long time I fell. I was feeling a strong temptation before I was writing and I realized that I haven't been reading my scriptures a for a couple of days now because I was pretty busy and starting to feel like the natural man again.
So I'm going to start reading them again.

-J

Comments:

On the Road to Recovery    
"J,

Welcome to the site and thanks for your candid post. So far it sounds like you're doing all the rights things -- writing instead of relapsing, talking with your mom and talking with your bishop. Way to go.

Have you considered attending a 12-step meeting? You'll get a lot of support there and it will help you complete your recovery and prepare for a mission. You can locate meetings at the LDS family services site: http://bit.ly/aeJFHp You won't regret it. I was an addict for 20 years without even realizing it. Now I am--by the grace of God--in recovery, and I owe much of my success to the 12-step meetings.

When I was young, I chose not to serve a mission--partly because of my addiction--and I feel like I missed out on something wonderful. If you want to make it into the mission field and be a part of God's army, I encourage you to make a commitment not to let anything stand in your way. No temporary pleasure from sin can ever replace eternal joy. I pray that God will continue to bless you with strength beyond your own as you work towards recovery."
posted at 20:34:31 on February 10, 2010 by finallyfree
Welcome, with love    
"When temptation comes, try asking, "Do I want to do this right now...or serve a mission? Do I love this or God more?" See if that helps."
posted at 21:42:04 on February 10, 2010 by BeClean
Thanks.    
"Thanks for the comments. I will try to attend a 12 step meeting next week. I tried the last 2 weeks but I had a lot on my schedule and couldn't go.
And I'll try asking my self those questions next time I get tempted Beclean."
posted at 15:22:49 on February 11, 2010 by j89
Fast, Pray, Keep the Sabbath Day Holy, and Meditate    
"Suggestions from David O McKay"
posted at 17:28:55 on February 11, 2010 by Anonymous
Hurray!!    
"10 days clean, that is great! Your post brought me to tears as I read the thoughts you were having about yourself before going to see your bishop. You are dead right. Those thoughts are planted by Satan. He is so good at planting thoughts and giving us supporting reasons for negative thinking that I used to think they were my own. It wasn’t until I got into the recovery program that I realized they were from a completely external source.

I also agree with the prayer and scripture reading on a daily basis. “One day at a time” is crucial in so many ways. Even when I knew many things to do when tempted, they weren’t very effective if I hadn’t said a prayer that morning asking for His help. All the other tools usually didn’t occur to me until after it was too late if I didn’t start the day right.

You can become free of this and serve a faithful mission. When I say free, I am not just talking about no longer acting out. You can become free of the addictive urges as well. The 12 Steps really work because they are simply a very powerful way to apply the Atonement. “Let go and let God.” My success has been about 5% my efforts and about 95% the Lord’s. When it hasn’t been working very well for me it is always because I haven’t been relying on Him enough. HE overcame it ALL! Make Christ your tag-team partner and don’t let pride or anything else stop you from sitting out the rest of the match. So many times I have stayed in the ring getting the snot kicked out of me by Satan, then finally switch and let Christ take over. As I am sitting in the stands with a black eye, eating popcorn and watching Satan get trashed, I think, “Why didn’t I do that before?”

You’ve done some great things, keep up the good work."
posted at 15:51:08 on February 12, 2010 by justjohn


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"If it were possible to make your road very easy, you wouldn’t grow in strength. If you were always forgiven for every mistake without effort on your part, you would never receive the blessings of repentance. If everything were done for you, you wouldn’t learn how to work, or gain self-confidence, or acquire the power to change. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990