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Confession
By nkj
1/20/2010 6:49:04 PM
I feel like I need to talk, but right now I'm to scared to talk to my parents let alone my bishop. When I was fourteen I got a bit too curious and I ended up masterbating. Now I'm sixteen and I'm a priest and I'm still struggling, and occasionly looking at porn but I have been able to stop looking at that. But I try so hard to stop mastorbating, but after a few weeks it's like I explode and I dive back down into the muck. Twice now I thought I had stopped, but I keep coming back. I am so confused, I know that this church is true and I really do want to be better, but it seems like I've been going through temptations to hard for me to resist. I am also confused because I have been told feelings towards girls are all right as long as it's controlled, that we are supposed to bridle our passions, but I honestly don't understand how I can control it without killing my desires forever which I know isn't right (I want to have a family). I don't understand how to bridle my passions when I don't see any rightous outlets for my energy which just seems to build up like water behind a dam until it breaks. I wish so, so much that I had never awakened those feelings and didn't have to deal with them right now. I feel so horrible because I realize what I am doing is wrong, very wrong, but I don't seem to have power over my own body. And eveyone thinks I'm so great because I do most everything else right and that's all they see. I realize now why no man can serve two masters, I'm unstable in all my ways and soon I'm afraid I'm going to give up trying to serve both God and my carnal desires which scares the heck out of me. I don't want to be a tragedy! I realize I need help. I would be very grateful for any advice. Thank you.

nkj

Comments:

You're not alone,    
"I feel like I just read one of my journal entries from when I was a sixteen year old priest. I know exactly how you feel right now, and I want you to know that you're not the only person to feel like you can't control your body.

I can't tell you how much I wish I had found this website when I was only sixteen. I imagine my life would have gone much differently if that had been the case. My story is much like yours. I am also extremely addicted to masturbation and pornography. I was too scared to confess the truth about my problems, so I told a bunch of lies and got the Melchizedek priesthood, got a mission call, got endowed in the temple, served a mission, and returned from a mission without ever confessing to a Bishop and coming completely clean. I finally feel clean now, but I really regret being too scared to come clean before I made all of those covenants and went on a mission.

My best advice to you is to go to your Bishop and tell him about what you're going through. I promise you that you have nothing to be afraid of. Your Bishop has been called to help you, and he will do everything he can to get you back on the right track.

If you're scared about the consequences of telling your Bishop, then I'll go ahead and tell you that your Bishop might ask you to abstain from blessing/passing and partaking of the sacrament for a couple of weeks, but the majority of my Bishops have not asked me to do that after I told them about my problems with masturbation and pornography. Your Bishop will most likely want you to tell your parents about your problems, so be prepared to do that when you confess to the Bishop.

I also think it's important for you to know that if you come forward and humbly admit that you have problems, then both your Bishop and your parents will be much more understanding with you than if you get caught looking at pornography. So if I were you, I would confess as soon as possible, since you have very little to lose and a lot of peace to gain by confessing.

Well, those are my two cents. I want you to know that you can overcome your carnal desires, but you're going to need some help. Please keep us updated on what you decide to do, for your own sake. If you're not ready to confess yet, just let us know. Everyone on this site is here to give you the support and advice you need. "
posted at 21:22:53 on January 20, 2010 by ETTE
Have faith    
"The first thing you need to understand is that you are not a bad, sinful person for Having those feelings. You are a teenage male. Your body is producing hormones at an alarming rate, one which you are not accostomed to. The natural byproduct of this will be the increased temptation you are feeling. There is nothing wrong with you.

Just remember that the sin lies in harboring and cultivating that lust once you feel it.

As for not being able to resist the temptation, it is hard but definitally possible. Sexual temptation is an appetite. Unlike an appetite for food, however, this appetite grows as you feed it. You are feeling increased temptation because you have fed it lately. As you starve it, it will diminish. The trick is to get past that first week or two.

I also would recommend seeing your bishop as soon as possible. I remember being petrified the first time I went to see the bishop about the same problem. Instead I was amazed at how merciful and understanding the Lord truly is. I guarantee you more men in your ward, both young and old, are dealing with the same issue. Have faith and go see your bishop. He will bless and help you.

I would also recommend reading the many great scriptures on this website and the talks from the general authorities on lds.org. Also, the chapter on chastity in CS Lewis' Mere Christianity is amazing.

Finally, keep writing on this website. I come here every time I have felt tempted and it alWays helps. I have gone far longer than I thought possible with the help of the Lord and this website.

Keep us updated! In you we all see our own younger selves and want to save you the pain and turmoil we've all been through. That turmoil came most because we didn't seek help when we should have. Just by admitting your problem you are already off to a tremendous start.

The Lord will help you. Go see your bishop."
posted at 11:02:02 on January 21, 2010 by Iwillnot
Ditto plus one more thing    
"I agree with all that is said. I don't know your parents but, please go to them. At least your father. I PROMISE he knows what you are going through. He had to face the same problems when he was your age and he even faces the same issues today. One thing I've learned is that the temptations do not go away just because you get older. He will understand and can help you. It is important for your parents to know such things so they can help you.

I have 3 sons and my oldest is 11. I know he will face the same problems. I pray that he knows he can come to me. I pray that the first time he sees pronography he will come to me.

These are strong desires. Please humble yourself before the Lord. Ask Him what to do and then just do it. And God will bless you for it. He gave you weaknesses so that you may be humble and admit your weaknesses before your fellow men. The Lord has things to teach you, consider this an important step in your sojourn here on earth."
posted at 12:56:14 on January 21, 2010 by nyronian
NKJ are you on right now?    
"Are you on now?"
posted at 14:21:37 on January 21, 2010 by daneadams
Don't be so hard on yourself.    
"You are a teenager who is learning how to control your body. It takes practice. There are 2 important concepts you need to know
1- That you are intelligence wrapped in a spirit, wrapped a body. You got a body so that you could learn how to control it. The best way to control it is to feed the spirit underneath of it. Do service for other, pray, and fast, and as your spirit grows stronger, you will be able to control your body.
2- Fast and Pray. The best way to exercise your spiritual control over your body is through fasting and prayer.
Sometimes it feels too much to control, but you need to focus on what you can do to fix the problem, and not focus on the problem. Work hard at letting in the Holy Ghost, and you will find that it is easier to be in control, and that you don't have issues anymore
email me with any questions
daneamy@gmail.com
keep working hard and you will find the answer you are looking for. Feel free to email me to talk of you have more questions"
posted at 14:29:12 on January 21, 2010 by daneadams
Don't be so hard on yourself.    
"You are a teenager who is learning how to control your body. It takes practice. There are 2 important concepts you need to know
1- That you are intelligence wrapped in a spirit, wrapped a body. You got a body so that you could learn how to control it. The best way to control it is to feed the spirit underneath of it. Do service for other, pray, and fast, and as your spirit grows stronger, you will be able to control your body.
2- Fast and Pray. The best way to exercise your spiritual control over your body is through fasting and prayer.
Sometimes it feels too much to control, but you need to focus on what you can do to fix the problem, and not focus on the problem. Work hard at letting in the Holy Ghost, and you will find that it is easier to be in control, and that you don't have issues anymore
email me with any questions
daneamy@gmail.com
keep working hard and you will find the answer you are looking for. Feel free to email me to talk of you have more questions"
posted at 14:29:21 on January 21, 2010 by daneadams
Thank You    
"I appreciate what you guys have said. I don't want to sound like I'm whining, but it seems like you care, so I'm going to give a little history of myself.

I was born in a faithful LDS family. When I turned 13 my dad gave me the talk. It was kind of embaressing for me and I guess I didn't take it seriously enough. He pretty much pled with me not to look at porn or masturbate. I even thought it was a little funny that someone would actually try to have sex with themselves, which is pretty much what I thought of masturbating at the time. I had not yet gotten to the point where I knew how strong sexual desires actually were. Anyways, at one point I found myself getting curious of what would happen if I aroused myself, but I tricked myself into thinking that I would be able to stop in time. Well I didn't, then I did it again and again and again. I realized that I had a problem right from the begining and a was amazed that I would do something like that because I've always been the kid that knows their scriptures better than the others, etc. However, I continued to go farther into the mess and then one time I was on the computer and I was allready weak and I found myself staring at women in bikinis and stuff. I justified it by saying that they weren't actually naked. Then I ended up looking at them when they were naked and I felt so revolted. I remembered all the general conference talks and thought about how it was like going up to a total stranger and having them take their clothes off for me to look at them. So I managed to control myself and get out of porn because I hadn't gone in very far, but when I tried to get out of masturbating, I just couldn't. I got to the point where I could stop for up to a few weeks, but then I'd always go back.

When my older brother got home from his mission, we found out that he had gotten a rare and agressive cancer. He quit college and ended up having to do a clinical trial to get treatment. It was in Michigan and we were in California. So the day school ended, we finished packing up and we moved to Michigan, leaving our friends behind. I started school again with virtually no one to talk to and had much more work to do than at my old school. My brother fought bravely and optimistically till the end, but he ended up passing away on my birthday. I was ordained a priest after his funeral.

I've been feeling depressed lately and I guess I thought that if I masturbated it would make me happy. It's seriously like a drug. This week's been especially bad and so I decided it was definetly time to get help. So I searched for LDS addiction help and I found this site.

I'm very happy if you read through that. I don't really have anyone to talk to about my feelings except my parents and I can never bring myself to talk to them about my masturbating because I've been so ashamed.

You don't know how much those comments mean to me. It feels so good to be able to talk to anyone about what's in my heart. Everyone seems to think I'm perfect and they think I'm happy because I still smile. But I'm not perfect or happy, and I suppose I really shouldn't expect myself to be either of those right now. I'll really try to get my courage together and tell someone face to face. Thank you all for your love and help, I really hope that we can all get out of our problems eventually.

NKJ"
posted at 14:34:12 on January 21, 2010 by nkj
Hope...    
"Nkj

Ohhh... Thanks for humbling me! Ohhh, how I wish I could just say everything that is in my mind. I felt hurt when I read your post, only because it was just like me. Ohhh, how I wish I could have defeated the problem back when I was 16. I wish I KNEW THEN what I KNOW NOW. I am 20 years old. I started here on LDSAR back when I was 17, and I am still fighting it. However! There is hope! I have been able to overcome it from time to time. And the new feelings that I experienced from overcoming it are worth everything. I felt so good about myself. You will feel so good about yourself, you can feel good about yourself even right now! There are several young man that don't even care. But you do!

Back then everybody tried to help me put things in perspective, and to be nicer to myself. You should! Don't doubt it. Only the devil wants you to feel like crap. God gave you these feelings to help you with your objective and purpose for life. It is almost as silly as food. If we didn't get hunger we would starve and die... But everything is done according to the wisdom of our Lord. And it can become a great and loving thing in the future. It is important to learn how to control it now.

I thought the same thing too! I thought it was so silly that somebody would have sex with themselves!? I used to make fun of myself saying that I couldn't stop raping myself. Just do not do it, who cares, it is as easy as avoiding it. However! I didn't realize the changes that were encoring in my body. These changes and feelings are completely new different, and powerful. You will always feel this power, however it gets worse as you feed it, and it calms down as you leave it alone.

I would defiantly talk with your parents. I know it is scary... I felt so ashamed sad and miserable. Like a stupid animal humping a rock, stupid, stupid, stupid, disgusting, and worthless... But my parents love me so much and when I finally fell down and cried before them they lifted me up with love. They helped me feel so good about myself. Of course they were a little bit sad, but everything they did was out of love for me. It sounds like you parents may be understanding and helpful. My step-dad and mom were helpful to me... but my biological dad was not. Just make sure they are ready to help you with your feelings. If you are still fearful about talking to your parents then just ask them for a blessing to feel better... Start a simple conversation, tell you parents that you need them and you feel sad. Pray and ask your Heavenly Father the same things. Even today I am still accountable to my mom. I tell her how I am feeling good or bad. I tell here when I mess up. Even though she is my mother (( and maybe doesn't fully understand the difficulty with men )) She still helps me.

It is ok if you are not ready to talk to your parents, you know your situation the best. You may still feel fearful. Whatever the case I would greatly recommend talking to your bishop! He is completely confidential and he does not tell anybody else. And he is not there to condemn you. Again, just like your parents, your bishop is there to make you feel good again. He will help you see things as they really are. He is also a worthy Priesthood holder, he can give you advice and a blessing. I remember talking to the bishop the first time. I felt so scared again. We were going through a temple recommend and I finally cracked and cried. He helped me see that it was not the end of the world, this is a real and difficult temptations that many if not most young man go through. It can be defeated over time.

I still email my bishop! Check it out, I recently had a relapse, and I emailed him and this is what he had to say...

Do not forget what you have accomplished and what wonderful things you have ahead of you. You made efforts to get through the temptation. Repent, talk very clearly with Heavenly Father about your feelings and concerns. Walk around temple square. Go see the movie in the Visitor's Center. These might give you a nice pick-me-up.
Keep praying and studying the scriptures. You can regain the correct perspective that you need in order to see yourself as a son of God who is worthy of His blessings.
You cannot let this discourage you. See Alma 42:29. Move on. Repent and move on. You can do it.
Please email me back to let me know how you are doing.

Keep Going Nkj !!

Nkj it is possible! And it is worth it! It takes people different times to overcome this, but as so long as you are looking up and not down you will get through it. It has taken me several years, but in that time I have learned so much about the gospel and the atonement of Jesus Christ. Sometimes I feel that I was given this weakness on purpose to keep me humble... I'm sure many people feel the same way. But Behold, Either Ch. 12 Verse 27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them. At first only 3 days... crash... 6 days... crash... 7 days ((one week!?)) crash... 15 days... crash... 27 days!...crash... 33 days!! (( 1 month)) crash... 45 Days!...crash... 70 days (2 months)!!!... crash... 83 days!!... Crash... … … These are real numbers by the way... I am now recovering from a crash from 83 days clear... this seems stressful but during this time of recovery you learn more and more each time, you feel more hope each time, and before you know it you realize that you are clear! And you don't even have to think about it anymore!! I thought I was clear, but I had one simple mistake. That doesn't mean I'm going to throw it all away. I know it is possible! I have felt it! I want it again! There are also books I would recommend you to read... but for now I guess just take in all of this.

All situations are unique... There is this one thing I want to tell you... This helped me in some silly way so maybe it can help you. When we are having our problem we are usually trying to find a way out of stress, loneliness, sadness, boredom... etc Mine was the stress, loneliness and sadness... I was not nice to myself, I expected too much and I never liked myself. This is what my counselor told me to do... This might be different for you... It sounds silly, but try hugging a pillow... No! Don't Masturbate!?? This is not a sexual thing... but give yourself comfort, pray and allow God to comfort you... For some strange reason this worked for me. Hugging actual parents and crying for comfort and help works too. But I was able to allow myself to feel better about who and what I was at that moment, and because of that I did not need my problem. Love and Lust can't exist together. I felt better. I know it sounds odd, but instead of using my problem, I hug pillows now (non-sexual). ((uhhh....)) ((It is almost like hugging a Teddy Bear)).

Use the 12 Steps, they work. Study them and apply them to your life. It might be difficult for you to go to an Addiction recovery meeting, but if it helps, I started going to them when I was 17 years old. Also I know I am powerless to my addiction, however I recommend attacking this problem indirectly instead of directly. Lets face it, I give up when I face those feelings one on one. But if you work on other areas of your life and attack it indirectly, you will notice that even though you might still want your problem, you will not need your problem. I accept that the temptation is there, I know I want it, but I do not need it in order to escape, I have learned other things thanks to my God and my friends."
posted at 16:34:48 on January 21, 2010 by Gondor44646
Uh... wow    
"I think I typed too much... It failed when I tried to post it all...

God bless you Nkj... I will be praying for you... Thank you for helping me be humble again, I remember what I need to do, I can get over this relapse. And you can be blessed as a clean pure good young man... Remember too... God loves you no matter what... That is all... dot dot dot?"
posted at 16:37:18 on January 21, 2010 by Gondor44646
Why we do it!    
"It seems like we all indulge in self gratifying acts for generally the same reason. It starts with curiosity of enjoyment, but ends with a cycle of shame, and fear because we are caught in a self depravating act.
Having a death in your life is not a small thing. It is hard for anyone, even memebers of the church. Many times stressful events and situations can lead to further addictive acts. One way of getting your feelings out about what stresses you, is to write about them. Honestly write about what bothers you, how things have affected you, how they are painful, what makes you cry, or just anything you are feeling. Don't try to make your writing make sense, just write. Keep writing till you can't write anymore about the subject. This helps to purge painful and stressful things, that are leading you to make bad choices.
Don't forget to start fasting and praying, which are the 2 biggest tools to overcoming the desires of you body."
posted at 14:15:49 on January 22, 2010 by daneadams
Tell Them!    
"Tell your bishop and your parents. You will be so glad you did. Learning about the atonement and the mercy of the Lord does not require that we sin a little or a lot, no matter what you've done you can feel it and as you go to your Bishop and talk to him you will immediately feel an outpouring of love from the Lord. You really will. Please do it."
posted at 09:50:08 on January 26, 2010 by Anonymous
Thank You    
"Got the courage to tell the bishop about my porn problem now"
posted at 18:51:02 on March 19, 2012 by Anonymous
courage    
"great, you journey is starting for the better"
posted at 02:37:06 on March 21, 2012 by mike81
Way to go!    
"This ain't an easy path but it's worth it!"
posted at 22:10:34 on March 21, 2012 by iamstrong
Think of it as...    
"I know it's very hard to confess, hey I am trying to get my guts up to hand my bishop a letter about what I did. But, I try to look at it this way, no one is near perfect! I am sure many people maybe 1/3 LDS had to tell their bishop something, and I just think of it as I am not the only one. When I told my mom about my problem I felt a sigh of relief! I felt Happy :D. 3-4 years later I am in a hole and am feeling, depressed, sad, and I cry a lot because of what I did. That's why today I will hand my bishop the letter I wrote him and I won't walk out of the church building till I do!"
posted at 14:58:15 on May 10, 2012 by Anonymous
how convenient    
"this is exactly what I was talking about. You can sense the guilt and frustration tat this kid has. He is obviously an awsome person, does what he can do best for himself and he accidentally masturbated. It's not his fault but now he has to work towards it slowly. He doesn't need that guilt on him because most bishops don't see it as a grievious sin like pornography. Your not going to get ur temple recommend or sacrement taken away for masturbating."
posted at 17:12:11 on May 10, 2012 by moronidenovo
Help    
"I'm 13 and when I was younger their was these girl who touched themselves they didn't actually mastiurbate they just moved their vagina up and down with their hands and occasionally I do that now Im going to confess today & I don't know what to say please help"
posted at 16:54:38 on July 19, 2014 by Anonymous
Help    
"I'm 13 and when I was younger their was these girl who touched themselves they didn't actually mastiurbate they just moved their vagina up and down with their hands and occasionally I do that now Im going to confess today & I don't know what to say please help"
posted at 16:55:13 on July 19, 2014 by Anonymous
Confession    
"If you manipulate your genitals to give yourself sexual pleasure this is masturbation. It is a sin though it is not as serious as indulging in pornography or the much more serious sin of fornication. (Fornication is sexual intercourse between unmarried people.)

I would tell your bishop that I have committed a sin. I have been masturbating and I want to forsake it. If you have been reading pornography (stories about sex) or looking at it confess that as well. Tell him about how many times you have done it and when the last time was.

Be prepared for opposition. Satan does not want you to repent. Pray and ask Heavenly Father to forgive you and cleanse you of these sins through Christ."
posted at 10:10:35 on July 20, 2014 by Anonymous
You are not alone    
"Seriously I know exactly what you are going through! Every time I would get going on a streak without masturbating it wouldn't last very long. Until 2 weeks ago I fasted and prayed and finally went to my bishop and talked to him! At first I was terrified but then I finally felt the courage and went in! He was super understanding and loving! I told him that I found this site that someone on here recommended to me me that focuses primarily on pornography and secondarily on masturbation! Though my issue like you is masturbation it has helped finally get a handle on it and I have been at least 2 weeks clean because of it!! Here is the link: http://www.fortifyprogram.org! I hope it helps and I hope that you know that you aren't alone! Good job on deciding to change, great things are coming your way!"
posted at 13:24:07 on July 20, 2014 by Stonecarver


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"Freedom from your transgression will come through sincere faith, true repentance, willing obedience, and the giving of self. Why the giving of self? Because selfishness is at the root of your problem. Where selfishness and transgression flourish, the Spirit of the Lord can’t enter your life to bless you. To succeed, you must conquer your selfishness. When your beacon is focused on self, it does little more than blind your vision. When turned outward through acts of kindness and love, it will light your path to happiness and peace. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990