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Telling My Girlfriend
By ETTE
1/13/2010 1:01:28 AM
This blog is basically an answer to an anonymous question left on a different blog, but I figured that there might people down the road who could benefit from reading this.

My girlfriend is amazing! I told her about my addiction to pornography and masturbation a few weeks back, and she just said that I sounded normal to her. After more talk, she told me that she would never hold my addiction against me because I'm doing so much to try to beat it. She's always asking questions about how she should dress and act around me, so that she doesn't become a trigger - or even worse, a replacement - for my addiction.

As far as knowing when to tell someone about your addiction, I think it's important to pray about it before telling. In my case, I had a dream about telling my girlfriend. When I woke up, I prayed about it, and the Spirit confirmed that my girlfriend needs to be involved in my recovery. Just as a side note, I want to make it clear that my girlfriend is NOT my sponsor, she just has a general idea of what's going on.

After telling about my addiction, my girlfriend opened up to me and told me several personal issues she's dealt with that she's never told anyone before. Overall, this could have been a bad experience, but we both felt the Spirit, and we were able to see each other as children of God striving to be pure.

Since then, we've been able to share a lot more. I've answered all of her questions honestly, even though this meant admitting to struggling with bisexuality. She took that surprisingly well and basically said that as long as I'm willing to follow the commandments, then she refuses to judge me on account of past transgressions and current temptations.

My experiences with telling my girlfriend may be atypically positive, but I think the reasons I told her have a lot to do with how well it went. One of the major reasons I was willing to tell her is because Summer had mentioned that men judge women and think that women are too fragile to handle the reality of addiction. I told Summer that I wasn't like that, so I practiced what I preached and it ended up being an awesome experience. Thanks, Summer!

I face all kinds of interesting challenges in my relationship, but honesty and resentment are not among them. I'm happy that I have absolutely nothing to hide, and so far, being honest has only strengthened my relationship.

Comments:

best wishes    
"ETTE,

Glad to hear that it worked out well for you. Sounds like she's a "keeper"; don't let a good lady like that get away. Now when is she going to get a ring on her finger? :) Just kidding; make sure you're both ready.

My experiences with my wife were similar. I agonized about telling her, then when I finally did, it was much better. I wished I hadn't waited so long. She's been very encouraging.
The LDS Addiction Recovery Services also offer meetings for wives and adult girlfriends of addicts. One of the best things we ever did was when my wife started going to those meetings. I'm very thankful for that.

Prayers are with you,
--J"
posted at 04:00:16 on January 13, 2010 by jhamilton75
That's Great    
"Its good to see that people out there are understanding about others' addictions and weaknesses. It shows a lot of compassion on her part that she would want to help you. That is what I think love is made of. Someone who accepts you for who you are and helps to build righteous goals together.

My wife was the same way. She recognizes that she has weaknesses, though different, and in my mind not as bad as mine. She has been a great help in helping me overcome mine. Keep it up Ette. It is great to see someone who has come a long way in recovery. Thanks for your example."
posted at 07:35:59 on January 13, 2010 by repenting
Me, too    
"My girlfriend (now wife) knew about my struggles and addictions early in our relationship, too, and she took it all in stride. As I've mentioned in other posts, it's not always been easy for her, but I've always been able to be honest with her, which has helped a great deal."
posted at 22:02:40 on January 13, 2010 by BeClean
Titles are dumb.    
"It was me who made that comment, I forgot to log in :p Thank you for writing a whole thread in reply."
posted at 17:59:57 on January 17, 2010 by shadow


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"Now, my brothers and sisters, let not Jesus’ redemption for us stop at the immortalizing dimension of the Atonement, “the loosing of the bands of death”. Let us grasp the proffered gift of eternal life! We will end up either choosing Christ’s manner of living or His manner of suffering! It is either “suffer even as I”, or overcome “even as [He] … overcame”. His beckoning command is to become “even as I am”. The spiritually settled accept that invitation, and “through the atonement of Christ,” they become and overcome! "

— Neal A. Maxwell

General Conference May 1987