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A Youth who has lost hope.
By Gintama101
1/9/2010 3:49:07 PM
Step 1 - Key Principle — Admit that you, of yourself, are powerless to overcome your addictions and that your life has become unmanageable.
For 6-8 years now I have been struggling with problems of masterbation and pornography and I am still struggling. Today on Sunday the 10th 2010 I have decided that something must be done about this problem as I wish to recieve the Melchezedik Priesthood and continue to serve the lord.

I have known for a very long time that I am powerless to do anything by myself as I have lost trust with myself. I can no longer live a normal life as the addictions have taken over. It has caused me to hurt many of the people I love causing some to not even talk to me anymore.

The funny thing is that last night I was planning to commit suicide knowing the full seriousness of the sins I have commited. The pain I feel in my heart causing my body to feel ill and I have also been depressed for some years.

I know I need help and it seems the spirit has guided me to this sight so that I might seek redemption for my sins and so that I may never commit them again.

Comments:

YOU are LOVED    
"Gintama101-

Oh, you are in such pain! But you are not alone.

On this site, you will find people who have done what you have done and who have felt what you have felt. You are not alone!

And you are LOVED! Without knowing who you are, we love you and pray for you. We want you to succeed.

God, our Heavenly Father, knows EXACTLY who you are and what you have done. He knows the "full seriousness" of your sin--and HE STILL LOVES YOU. HE STILL WANTS YOU TO BE HAPPY! He sent HIS SON to DIE for YOU. So, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DIE! Spiritually or physically (right now, anyway).

Thank you for sharing your pain and your struggles. Thank you for coming to this site. Hurrah that you came! Come again, and come often! Tell us what you are thinking and feeling. Know that we care!

Go talk to your Bishop about your struggles. Go find an addiction recovery group. Go find a counselor for depression. Don't do anything else until you have built a support network.

And please don't expect to be perfect from this moment, either. You will sin again, and you will feel depressed again, I guarantee it. But that is OK! Let those experiences teach you lessons.

You are a Son of God, worthy of saving. God loves you. You can repent and change. So many on this site have. You can, too! Don't lose hope. We are here for you.

With love and prayers,"
posted at 22:54:20 on January 9, 2010 by BeClean
Oh my Great Firend    
"Dear Gintama101,

I too have been struggling with masturbation and pornography for about 7 years. It destroyed my youth, my self-esteem. Some 14 year old I was, and I felt so sad and miserable and it truly messed up my life and the person I could have been. I have been on this site for 3 years, and I am still not perfect, but wow... I am feeling so much better and I am doing great.

If there is anything I could say... Everybody will try to tell you that God loves you, but I know too, its almost impossible to convince yourself of that. The devil is the only one that pulls this confusion. The devil is the one who wishes you to think you are worthless, he is the one that pretends that God would smite you down. Be fair with yourself, the truth is, this is a tough problem. God is not nearly concerned exactly where you are on the ladder of life, but at which way you are looking, up or down.

Guess what, I also wanted to commit suicide. I had my plans and ideas, but in the end I was too much of a coward to do anything. Lucky me I guess. I would not consider suicide as a way out. You are not doomed. you are not damned. You can be forgiven of all your sins through the power of the atonement. I spent so many years on this problem, I was convinced that I was a worthless animal, as stupid as a dog that couldn't control himself. Find the love of God, that is what saved me...

I wish I could type everything that has gone through my mind in this saga of life. Imagine this for awhile, this is how I saw myself... Bad teenaged Gondor is sad and miserable, his natural man overwhelms him and he feels horrible, useless, like an animal. A sinful carnal creature... but still one thing, his agency. He kneels down and cries... and bages for his creator. Instead of whining and complaining, instead of depressed hopelessness, the carnal human tells his God how he feels and how incredibly sad it makes him feel the way he is. And at that moment... a dream, little kid Gondor not worthy he thinks to appear infront of Christ. Despite the deepest desires of his heart, and the hatred others had for him (the world). He tried and failed, skimpered and cried as he ran from what appeared to be the savior himself. And at that moment when he thought all was lost he was held up by the Son Of God. The God had loved him for exactly what he was, a human, a child of God. It was at that moment when the natural man was able to be comforted and purified and was able to overcome his carnal nature, through his will and God's power, he was a human, the natural man maybe, but didn't have to act like one. /|\ /|\

This program works, God guarantees it. There is no magic button though, you will have to learn all 12 steps and apply them to your life. Obviously we can't change the past, we can leave that to Christ. What you do now with your life can change your current future. The willingness you have now can be the same willingness you will have for the past. I rejoice at my efforts to control myself through God's power. I look back and realize that I never wanted this as a part of my life, but I was to scared and I wasn't nice to myself. I have typed hundreds of emails to my bishop, its almost funny, he is still ready for more. I've typed hundreds of diary entires, you can truly see how far you have come.

We don't attack our problems directly, the fact is the emotional and physical powers associated with these addictions can be too powerful. Thats why we are addicted. Focus on other areas of your life, there is a reason to everything. Step 4 was the most helpful for me. the moral inventory will help you figure why everything is done the way it is. for example, the reason why I kept messing up after I tried committing again. Because my sin was the only thing I would allow myself to have because I wasn't worthy to have what I wanted good or bad.

We are in the right place, we are where we are. Gintama101 don't give up. It takes time. I would even say that it takes your entire life. Endure to the end, and even then we will experience success I promise. We really are doing better than we think. Some people don't even have the gosspel!? Some people would even go so far as to laugh at our efforts... You are not one of these people, and you are still willing to fight the good fight even though it is filled with difficulty.

I shall pray for you Gintama101... That is all...

Sincerely,
Gondor44646"
posted at 12:44:40 on January 10, 2010 by Gondor44646


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"If it were possible to make your road very easy, you wouldn’t grow in strength. If you were always forgiven for every mistake without effort on your part, you would never receive the blessings of repentance. If everything were done for you, you wouldn’t learn how to work, or gain self-confidence, or acquire the power to change. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990