I am still alive and in recovery
By smwil46
1/9/2010 7:36:23 AM
To those of you that know me I thought I needed to let you know how I am doing. I am sad to say that I had a relapse in November. I was weeks away from receiving my temple blessings. I am grateful that I have stopped exposing and that my relapse did not involve anything illegal. I will not go into grate detail of my relapse but I will say that it included disciplinary action on a stake level and I was disfellowshipped from the church. What a spiritual experience that was. The love that my Bishop and Stake President have for me in getting the help I need. I am now attending Life Star and going to SA meetings several times a week as well as going to ARP meetings. I meet with a therapist at least once a week if not more. I have been involved with Sexual Addiction for over 40 years. I know and realize I cannot be cured over night. It has been two years since I was arrested for lewd conduct yesterday. My Goal is to be back to the Temple the middle of November 2011. I need this time to recover. I want to be completely worthy to enter the doors of the Lords house. I will not give up. My wife is still hanging in there even after this last relapse. The night that I relapsed I did not sleep at all. I was sick that I would even be emotionally as well as physically involved with another woman. I sent my Bishop an email the next morning explaining everything that happened and then called my wife and told her the next day. One thing that I have learned about recovery is that I cannot lie. I need to be completely transparent about my actions. My wife still lives out of state and has since April. I was able to spend Christmas with her and spend quality time with her. She is the most amazing woman that I have ever met. Her Christ like forgiveness is far beyond what I deserve. We have worked through the issues and I had agreed to do the Life Star Program. I will be in the program for as long as it takes to gain sobriety. I don’t care how much it costs me. My desire for sobriety is very important to me. I attended the ARP meeting for over a year. They helped me to stop exposing in public but I still struggle with masturbation. This was a daily ritual for me. I have been able to stop looking at hard porn since March. Looking at porn drove me to acting out in public. The images are all but a faded memory. I don’t have these images popping into my head any longer. I would have to really think about them to visualize them. I have no desire to view that disgusting filth. I do still struggle with R rated movies and looking at women with little or no cloths in adds, TV, Magazines, billboards, ect. I am spending a lot of time reading and studying the Gospel. One thing that helps me is to study the Sunday school lessons each week and prepare them as if I was going to teach the lesson. This takes a lot of time to prepare, then when I go to church I am excited about going to class and knowing what’s being taught. This helps to replace the bad thoughts with good thoughts.

I felt that I wanted to let you all know where I was because I know you all care about me. This is what gives me the strength to continue my recovery and not give up. I do want to tell Robin that I think of you often and how much you have reached out to me. I hope and pray all is well with you and your family. There are many others here that I think of and I think you know who you are. Thank you so much for your thought and positive comments. This blog site is truly where my recovery started. I will check in daily and be a support to others. My life is changing for the better.



~G ) I=0    
"Thanks for the update, Scott. I'm praying for you. There are a LOT of good things going on in your life right now, thanks be to God. What painful consequences our actions can lead to! Thank you for showing all of us. Nevertheless, I am encouraged by your honesty with your wife and your bishop. Your sobriety from hard porn and your constant, sincere study of the gospel are also commendable. Good job!!

One thing I've learned from my addiction: Without God, I am NOTHING. I need to put Him first in every aspect of my life, and then everything else will fall into place. You are headed in that direction, and I congratulate you."
posted at 22:47:16 on January 9, 2010 by BeClean

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"By emulating the Master, who endured temptations but “gave no heed unto them,” we, too, can live in a world filled with temptations “such as [are] common to man”. Of course Jesus noticed the tremendous temptations that came to him, but He did not process and reprocess them. Instead, He rejected them promptly. If we entertain temptations, soon they begin entertaining us! Turning these unwanted lodgers away at the doorstep of the mind is one way of giving “no heed.” Besides, these would-be lodgers are actually barbarians who, if admitted, can be evicted only with great trauma."

— Neal A. Maxwell

General Conference May 1987