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Why do I feel so happy?
By ETTE
11/12/2009 11:24:01 PM
I gave into my addiction four days ago, my life is completely unmanageable, I’m still struggling with pneumonia, I have to take three major tests before Sunday, and I don’t think I have ever been happier in my whole life. I know that trying to recover brings a lot of ups and downs, but I’ve never been on such a high upswing until now. I figure that writing about my current thoughts and feelings can help me remember how good I feel right now, and I also hope that my recent experiences will help brighten someone’s day.

For the first time in my life, I feel like permanent sobriety is possible for me. I heard a facilitator at group say that ANYONE can conquer their addictions through Christ, and I guess I’m feeling hopeful enough to believe that even I can do it.

For some reason I can’t stop smiling and being positive, which makes me wonder what's going on, since I'm usually always in a dark mood a few days after a relapse. Maybe my personality is changing just because I have lived in happy valley for about a year now and all the positive people here are finally starting to rub off on me. Who knows? I guess I can find out by waiting to see how permanent these changes end up being.

Hopefully, I’m feeling so happy because I’ve decided to learn from my mistakes; I’ve chosen to go to four recovery meetings this week instead of just one, and I had an amazing talk with my Bishop yesterday.

I think it's very possible that I feel so uplifted right now because a lot of people have been praying for me. The mere thought that someone would actually take the time to mention me in their prayers makes me smile and feel warm inside. I used to often feel like people were praying for me when I was a missionary, so I feel a lot of nostalgia when I sense that people are praying for me now.

I don't know if my good mood will stick around for very long, but I want to hang onto all the hope I’m feeling right now no matter how my emotions treat me down the road.

Comments:

That is fantasic Ette    
"I have had those feelings. I know what they feel like. It did not make me perfect but it thought me that I CAN DO THIS! WITH GODS HELP, I CAN DO THIS! Those are the feelings from the Spirit. The feelings of gratitude and warmth.

If the feeling leaves, just remember these moments. Remember these feelings. They are from the Holy Spirit."
posted at 23:36:45 on November 12, 2009 by nyronian
Ette    
"That's wonderful, not that you've messed up, but that Satan is able to play his usual post-mess-up games with you. I'm very happy for you."
posted at 11:25:19 on November 14, 2009 by adrastos
Keep Holding On    
"It is quite incredible what the prayers of others can do for us. I have found too that with all of the ups and downs in life that rather than questioning those moments of simple happiness that I just have to cherish them when they come."
posted at 22:33:13 on November 15, 2009 by needhelp38
2 weeks    
"It's been about two weeks since you posted this, how are things? If they're still good then GREAT JOB!! If not read your blog again, when I read it, I felt happy. Maybe re-reading this entry every once in awhile can remind you of those good feelings that you were having and help you to be successful. :)"
posted at 20:10:56 on November 24, 2009 by toes_23


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"The excuse is given that it is hard to avoid, that it is right at our fingertips and there is no escape. Suppose a storm is raging and the winds howl and the snow swirls about you. You find yourself unable to stop it. But you can dress properly and seek shelter, and the storm will have no effect upon you. Likewise, even though the Internet is saturated with material, you do not have to watch it. You can retreat to the shelter of the gospel and its teaching of cleanliness and virtue and purity of life. "

— Gordon B. Hinckley

General Conference, October 2004