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Reminders that Healing is Necessary Part 2
By needhelp38
11/4/2009 12:42:38 PM
Continuation from http://www.ldsar.org/ViewBlog.aspx?EntryId=5577 />
I had one of those moments of realization today. One of the kids that I nanny for was at an orthodontist appt & I was reading my copy of "Psychology Today" in the waiting room. My stomach flip-flopped when I unexpectedly opened to an article about prostitution, why men see prostitutes & the difficulty that they have with having intimate relationships when they do this. I think the timing on this was good because last night, despite knowing that I shouldn't & my Mom advising me not to, I looked at his Facebook profile. (We are not FB friends anymore but I can still see his profile.) I know that he has started working two jobs, is extremely active in his ward again & his sister & other mutual friends have been telling me that he is back to his old self. I had originally committed at the recommendation of my Bishop, a family friend who is a therapist & my parents that I not have contact with him for a year.

For the most part, especially lately with the more chance that I have to be away from him and to think about it, I have thought that there is no chance that I could ever be with him again. (Which is so hard because the "real" him, without the depression & the addiction is everything that I am looking for in an eternal companion.) Last night I started dancing with the idea that maybe it wouldn't be more than a year that we could have contact & maybe we could be together someday.

I don't know, I know I can't wonder if we could be together months from now when he's repented & healed, because it doesn't matter right now. It's just so hard because he was my best friend & I had never been so emotionally intimate with anyone. Now I'm back trying to meet guys & struggling with the fact that I seem to be able to wrap non-LDS guys around my finger but member guys don't seem to give me a second glance.

Comments:

Achieving Serenity    
"Hey Needhelp,

My experiences in life have been very different from yours, but I think I can relate to your lack of peace of mind. It's so hard to be content with what life gives us, especially when fate seems to be cruel to us. I'm sorry that the person you tried so hard to help ended up hurting you, that's definitely not fair.

I love to read this quote from Anton Chekov's short story, "In Exile," whenever I'm upset with how fate has treated me.

"If you want to be happy, the chief thing is not to want anything. If fate has wronged you and me cruelly it's no good asking for her favor and bowing down to her, but you despise her and laugh at her, or else she will laugh at you."

I think Paul and Silas did a good job of despising and laughing at fate when they were singing in prison. What I'm getting at with all of this, is that serenity comes when we stop wishing for things to happen and start accepting what we have.

I feel a lot better about my situation when I realize I can't change the fact that I'm an addict, and I stop wishing that the urges will disappear. Of course, giving up our fantasies is a lot easier said than done, and I have to work hard to accept the fact that I can't change who I am, I can only learn to deal with it.

I'm sure it will also be difficult for you to give up on your dreams of being with "him," but I bet you'll feel better when you do.

Thanks for posting your story, I would have responded to it a few weeks ago, but it was kind of incomplete, so I had no idea what to tell you. I'll keep you in my prayers. God bless"
Thank you Ette    
"Thank you very much for your wisdom and support. The funny thing about me is that I have lots of knowledge stuffed in my brain, it's a matter of applying it. :-) I truly do know that I need to move on, and I know that I will in time.

I sometimes overwhelm myself, especially when it comes to journaling, but I think I just need to do a little at a time, so I will continue to work on my "first post." Thanks again. :-)"
posted at 19:24:11 on November 5, 2009 by needhelp38


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"We cannot keep one foot in the Church and one foot in the world. One reason is the world and the Church are rapidly diverging. We will lose our balance.We know that "no man can serve two masters." Some, I fear, are attempting to do what President Marion G. Romney described as trying to "serve the Lord without offending the devil." "

— Larry W. Gibbons

General Conference October 2006