By toes_23
11/3/2009 9:56:13 PM
It has been awhile since I have blogged at this website. It seemed to be working for me for a bit, then a lot of things about it started frustrated me, so I just stopped blogging here. But something has been bugging me lately: trust.

Trusting myself again and trusting my husband, and maybe even a little bit of trusting in God.

My husband messed up bad a few weeks ago, and I've been feeling a little bit of resentment about it. It's not that I mind when he messes up, after all I have the same problems he does. It's the fact that he wasn't honest with me. The opportunity had presented itself many times for him to tell me, but he never did. I'll admit, I invaded his privacy and checked the web history on his laptop, but I've told him many times, that I'm going to be doing that. Maybe he wanted to get caught. I don't know. . .

... I guess I don't trust myself anymore either because I keep (well probably Satan keeps telling me) that HE messed up, so why can't I? All the "good" things about messing up keep swimming around in my head and making me crazy!! I know it's wrong and I know it will only bring fleeting happiness and then guilt, and not the true joy that I've been searching for.

I guess writing it all down and putting "out there" in the world has helped.

I do have a testimony. I know that I can return to my father in heaven someday, and that he will welcome me with open arms because he loves and cares for me. We are all sinners in this world, every single one of us, but that is why our dearest brother died for us... for me.


"This may sound redundant but to be an addict means you lie even when you don't have to. I find with myself, that I lie just because. It's like along with my regular addiction, I'm addicted to lying especially when it comes to my addiction. I'm not saying its right but there is a good chance that the reason he isn't being honest is just because it's what he's used to doing with everyone. Even though you know about his addiction, it's just habit for him to lie. Make sense? Anywho, I have something I want to send you that may help. I totally love you tons, Toes. You are doing great and don't let Satan get to you. I knew easier said then done but it can be done."
posted at 09:10:57 on November 4, 2009 by Matrix
A matter of perspective    
"I'm sorry that your husband wasn't honest with you about his problems. I'm sure that approaching him about it wasn't fun.

I hope you can find the strength to stay clean, even if your husband gave in. The temptations seem to get a lot stronger when we feel like we're on our own. Speaking of which, I know exactly what you mean about all the "good" things about messing up swimming around in your head. I find that convincing myself intellectually that the cost of acting out is greater than the benefits is usually harder than resisting physical urges.

I'm sure you've already heard this, but a reminder probably won't hurt: when we're tempted we shouldn't think about all the bad things that will happen if we give in. Personally, I end up failing every single time I try to use negativity to stay sober, but I always have success when I think about all the blessings I'll get to enjoy because of my faith in the Savior and my willingness to follow His commandments.

Good luck to you, toes. I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

PS - I hope you notice that the people on this site are more responsive now than they were three or four months ago (a lot of that is because of new people like Summer and Adrastos)."
posted at 17:07:01 on November 4, 2009 by ETTE

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***Anonymous User***     (login above to post UN-anonymously)

"We cannot keep one foot in the Church and one foot in the world. One reason is the world and the Church are rapidly diverging. We will lose our balance.We know that "no man can serve two masters." Some, I fear, are attempting to do what President Marion G. Romney described as trying to "serve the Lord without offending the devil." "

— Larry W. Gibbons

General Conference October 2006