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Day 70... Help
By Gondor44646
10/15/2009 10:30:49 AM
Hello...

I don't have much to do and I am feeling tempted right now. To remain accountable and to eliminate my isolation I just want to type out my feelings... I am on day 70, and I had a wet dream... ((I can't believe I send blogs like this... sigh...)) but it is what it is, and I don't want to fail.

I am having some difficulty now. It deals with the same intimacy thing that I may have bloged about like last time. I don't know how to describe it, My addiction and problem will try to evolve into different things to trick me to fall back into my past behavior... I have a hard time believing that I had a real wet dream when I am thinking about "future relations" ((if you understand my mind)) I can't let that get in my mind, I can't pretend like this is ok. I know one day I can marry, and that will be a great time. But right now I am with no women, SO GET OUT OF MY MIND! ... or at least help me understand what I need to acknowledge about myself, and allow myself to bridle and control my desires. This doesn't mean I have to destroy my sexuality, but it is not appropriate for me to be doing that in order to seek comfort, or to hid from whatever issue I might be having, I don't know yet...

This is embarrassing to type like this, but this is the TRUTH, and its been sad in the past that I've had to remain confused just because I was too afraid to ask. I admit everything, and I seek God's Guidance to help and save me.

Rather or not I had a real wet dream or not doesn't matter. If I influenced anything in anyway then whatever... It is better to pray for understanding of the situation and repent rather than wine and complain and give up just because I slept for too long... ((gee if I just went to seminary I would have been ok!?))

There is no reason to give up... I admit at this time though, I'm going to stop counting the days... it just isn't necessary, I used to think that it was impossible for a young man to stop masturbation (and porn), ((I don't have to crush this god given attraction but...)) but I know that it is possible to stop (control). As so long as I don't become obsessive and fall back like I used to, then I believe I am in good hands and as so long as I keep myself accountable to my bishop, close friends, God, and myself...

I am also kind of afraid of failing right now, I'm ok right now, but I just want to put myself out there... that is all... thanks.

Comments:

All too familiar...    
"I’m so happy to hear you’re still sober. I know exactly how it feels to be afraid to fail the day after a wet dream.

That being said, I don’t think you need to beat yourself up over something you can’t control. I think it’s actually a good thing that you’re upset over having a wet dream, because it shows that you have the right kind of attitude towards your addiction.

It’s interesting that we both seem to be going through the same things. For the past three months, I haven’t had a single s~x dream, but ever since last week I’ve been having s~xual dreams every single night. I also get upset about having s~x dreams now, in fact I’ve woken up two times this week in the middle of the dreams screaming “NO!”

Before I got involved in the 12-step program, I used to really want s~xual dreams, especially when I was trying to stay sober on my mission (by the way, that didn’t work out very well for me). Now, s~x dreams have become my worst nightmare because I’m so afraid I’ll wake up in the middle of one and be to wound up to stop myself from continuing to fantasize and m~sturbate.

I remember I used to be so enslaved to my addiction that I would pray that I could have wet dreams so I could have guilt-free relief. Once I started getting serious about recovery I began to pray that I wouldn’t have s~x dreams. Now it seems like they’re completely inevitable, so I pray for the strength to withstand acting out if I do have one. So far, the Lord has been generous in helping me stay strong in spite of my filthy dreams.

If your experience turns out to be anything like mine, then you should probably brace yourself for more s~xual dreams. The best advice I have for you is to continue to “let go and let God.”

Come on Gondor, we can do this. We CAN beat our addictions! You’re righteous desires are a real strength to me. Stay clean! "
posted at 11:49:21 on October 15, 2009 by ETTE
Wet dreams are NOT a sin.    
"Gondor, it sounds like you're beating yourself up for having a wet dream. Wet dreams are a completely natural, physiological phenomenon that is part of our bodies. God's way he gave the male body to expel semen when too much gets built up. It is a fact that the male body produces semen constantly, even when the supply is "full". So there has to be some way for the body to create space for more. They happen to all men, ESPECIALLY when they are not masturbating or having sex. Do you honestly think a young man who is living righteously and has a wet dream because it's just a natural part of puberty and maturation is a sinner? Absolutely not! There is nothing wrong with that physiological process. It actually means you're doing well, that you haven't been emptying the supply yourself, so to speak, so now your body has to take over to get the job done. I hope I'm not being too frank, but that is what is happening. Sex dreams are horrible when we're trying to recover and get rid of all those images and a lot of times, the mind is involved during those wet dreams. Sometimes, somehow, it draws upon images that have created that physiological event in the past. But you can't control your dreams, nor that natural, nighttime, physiological reaction. Making that physiological reaction happen yourself is the sin, not jsut that it happens to you. I think the real thing you need to be careful of is the after-thoughts - the memories of the dream that you will have throughout the day. You will have to surrender those and find something to replace them with. But PLEASE don't beat yourself up for a wet dream. Don't feel shame, though Satan will want you to feel shame and to use this as an excuse to act out. Satan always twists the good god-given to suit his needs and that's what he wants to do with you. Keep up the good work! I say, believe it or not, a wet dream is proof that you're doing well! Ponder on that, don't get down on yourself, and keep on the path!"
posted at 12:36:27 on October 15, 2009 by Anonymous
Yes I see...    
"Yes I agree and know. Wet Dreams are not a sin. However this is the situation... I got up around 6am for seminary, ((I'm already done with seminary, but i still drive my brother)) however my brother was sleeping so I went back to bed. At this point while I try to sleep again I come across this same "self-comforting" feeling of intimacy...

... I'm not asleep yet, but I'm having these thoughts which I otherwise have throughout my day, sometimes I allow them because they appear to be simple forms of accepting support or relationships, but too much too often I find myself thinking inappropriately... to say the least, I'm not married and I can't pretend to be with a women... these thoughts are different from what I've had... Having been able to abstain for so long it feels like the devil, or maybe just my body, is trying to adapt differently, I'm sure many of my character weaknesses still hold on to this addiction that has comforted me for years...

It makes me sad, although these feelings might not be incorrect in marriage, it is only because I have been exposed to pornography that I feel this way... sure it might not be porn anymore, and maybe there are appropriate (natural) feelings... but before marriage, it can still lead me to a path that I'm not ready yet to confront, it can still lead me to self-indulgence, especially because it's not even real... If I really have any love in me, then I will just wait... Assuming sex can help love, but at the same time, you don't need to indulge in it to love...

I guess I can't fully remember when it happened. I did eventually fall asleep again, but it is difficult for me to think that, that obvious wet dream wasn't a factor caused by myself indulging in my thoughts... Sure I'll give myself the benefit of the doubt, but it doesn't make me feel good, and it makes the rest of my day so much more difficult to fight...

Anyway... back to reality... I hate wet dreams, although I also wish I could have them more often just so that I can be free from the stress... I don't care what happens I just wish I could turn it all off until I am ready, but for reality, I need to control and bridle my passions... that is all.

((Please help, I am actually have a very difficult day even though I am blogging like crazy.)) Thanks for your support guys... ETTE and Unknown person... eh"
posted at 13:57:25 on October 15, 2009 by Gondor44646
Gondor, you're right...    
"You do need to control and bridle your passions. If you don't stop your fantasies about marital intimacy, then I just don't see how you're going to stay sober.

I used to feel exactly the way you do about wanting marital intimacy, but my perspective on what true intimacy actually means has changed drastically since I got involved in Sexaholics Anonymous. One of their mottos is “s~x is optional.” This applies to both single and married people. It’s been incredible for me to hear married people talk about the benefits of refraining from s~x with their spouses for decided periods of time so that they could appreciate their spouses as equal partners instead of as s~x objects.

The reason I like the “s~x is optional” motto so much is because it really helps me feel like I’m not missing out on anything essential by staying sober. I’m sure the Lord wants me to find an eternal companion, but that doesn’t mean I have to feel bad about myself until I find one. Whether I get married in this life or in the life to come doesn’t make any difference, because I know the Lord will always provide for me.

I also couldn’t care less if I have a very fulfilling s~x life with my wife or not, because intimacy is about loving and caring for another person and s~x is merely a physical way of demonstrating that love. If I’m able to be satisfied with my life without s~x now, why would that change when I get married? I’m convinced that humans are perfectly capable of loving and caring for one another without being required to have s~x with each other.

What I’m getting at with all this is that you and I absolutely must be content with what we have. The desire for s~xual intimacy is not necessarily evil or unclean, but it will destroy us if we let it govern our thoughts and actions. Keep it up, brother, my thoughts and prayers are with you."
posted at 23:00:49 on October 15, 2009 by ETTE


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