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What to do??
By ireland
10/12/2009 7:35:41 PM
OK...I would like to say this is my first time writing, but I just finished a long description of my problem and tried to submit it and it got completely erased ...so technically this is my SECOND time!! hehe

Long story short:

I have been married to my beautiful wife for over 10 years. Several years ago I was re-introduced to pornography. I was first introduced to it as a teenager but was able to GREATLY suppress it to the point that it wasn't even an issue for me. However, several years ago I got hooked again. It was during some very stressfull times in my life and I seemed to use it to just get away. There is absolutely no excuse for my actions and even any one given reason why I did what I did. I have been free from hard/explicit pornography for over a year and a half and from "suggestive material" for over 8 months. My wife is now aware of my problem and we have been working through it by talking to a counselor and our bishop. We are now more faithful with reading our scriptures everynight, both individually and as a couple and continue to try to work through this problem.

So what's the problem?? I feel like my wife is constantly telling me that I am still not doing things right. I have been able to feel really good about myself again and very proud (in the good sense). However, she tells me that she doesn't think that I am trying my hardest or doing all the things that I should be. I couldn't disagree more. I feel very good about the progress I have made. I have been able to change my point of view dramatically and have been able to recieve strength from our Heavenly Father when I am in times of need. There have been instances when suggestive material has been put in front of me (nothing that I am seeking, but rather just everyday "worldly" things that EVERYBODY is exposed to) and I have been able to say either out loud or in my head "in the name of Jesus Christ leave me alone!" and I feel like I have nothing to worry about! It's great!!

Where I am getting really frustrated is that I feel my wife doesn't really have the faith in me that she tells me she does. I feel like I am only brought down when I talk to her. She frequently tells me that I should be trying harder and doing more or I will never be able to be OK. I understand that this will be a lifelong issue, but why is it that things can only be done her way or they are not the right way. I find myself being able to regain my testimony and feel good about my family and my relationship with my wife, only to be brought back down. She frequently reminds me that we really aren't happy, but rather it is only "rays on light" of what it CAN be. I'm a simple person...why can it only be "rays of light." I feel like I will just never be able to be the person that she desires of me. I feel like she wants more than just a Disciple, but rather an Apostle. I understand that I brought this horrible nightmare into her life, but does that really mean that I am not supposed to feel happy anymore? That I have to constantly mourn and think about all the bad I've done? I absolutely hate thinking about my issue. Is it really a requirement that I have to constantly talk about it and dwell on it? By all means...I am NOT trying to just hide it, or push it under the rug!! I promise you that!! But why ruin good uplifing moments and feelings to bring back thoughts of bad stuff? I'm not trying to be errogent or unhumble. I just want to feel good again, and I certainly don't feel going thinking about all those bad things.

My concern is that I can't see myself doing this for the rest of my life. I am relatively pretty young and I want to be able to continue to have a fun, uplifting relationship with my companion. I don't want to be with someone that only wants to dwell on negativity. I know it works for many people, but I have a hard time with it. I know I have brought my wife down to the depths of hell, and I am truly sorry for the pain that I have caused her. Despite what she says, I personally don't feel that she will ever really be happy with me again. It's like I can see this being an issue that will always prevent us from acheiving self-actualization (from the theories of Maslow).

My question: Is it possible to regain a happy/giggly relationship that I once had with my wife? Is there anybody out there that can attest to this possibility? Both my Bishop and counselor have stated that they are proud of where I have come and how I am progressing. My wife is the only one that states that I am not doing all that I should be. She makes it sound as if I don't even care. Am I really that bad of a person for not doing every little thing that she wants? Have I really lost all rights as a human because of what I have done? I just don't know what to do anymore and I feel like I'm being pushed over a cliff, but then being told that I'm the one doing the pushing...and back and forth and back and forth...you get the point.

I hope that all my meandering can make sense enough for someone out there to help me!! I pray someone can find guidance to help me with my struggles....

Ireland

Comments:

Can you blame her?    
"She's the victim in this situation. Not you. While it may seem she is punishing you and it's not fair, what's really not fair is what was brought into her life through no fault of her own. Her healing and forgiveness can't be rushed because you want it to be. You may be ready to move on and have a giggly relationship but she needs to feel that you've done EVERYTHING you can to fix this. Fixing this means helping her, listening to her, trying to understand what she's feeling. Mostly it sounds like she's coming from a place of fear. Of course she's afraid. She's afraid you'll hide things again or slip back down that road. She needs to be reassured, not made to feel unreasonable. Just my two cents....from a wifes perspective."
posted at 09:56:51 on October 13, 2009 by Anonymous
There's hope    
"Ireland,
You hang in there you are doing great, and there is hope' I am an addict as well, and 3yrs ago is when i went to see the bishop and to let my wife know all in the same night. I will never forget the look on my wifes face when I told her, it was like i put an knife into her. Like I said it's been 3yrs since then I'm here to tell you it does get better, but it takes time beacuse there world just came crashing down on them and and the firsts thing that they want to do is fix it ( besidse getting angery at us ) my wife rtyed to fix me and has found out that she"s not the that can fix me, but that she needs to work on herself first and help the healing process start, and that I needed to work on me on my own. Once she did that it slowly started coming back . She always called me her hero and that day the hero fell out of the sky, it took almost a year before she told that her hero was back. still today when she gets mad she takes it out on me and I let her because i put us in this position and that she got to let go. So all i can say is that it takes time for them to heal and to know that we are really changing for the good. I hope this helps a bit please just hang in there i promise it will get better it just takes time. may the lord be with you always and that I'm here to listen, we all are. your brother for life ."
posted at 10:27:28 on October 13, 2009 by newsoul
Encouragement?    
"No...I don't blame and I hope I didn't come across sounding like I do. I was only looking for some inspiration. I don't feel like I will ever be able to live up to her dream man anymore and I was looking for help. I know i've hurt her greatly with what I've done. I just wonder if I'm wasting her time when she could be persuing a better life with a better man. I just don't know anymore. I just feel like my best is no longer good enough for her anymore!! Thank you newsoul for your encouraging words!"
posted at 11:21:50 on October 13, 2009 by Ireland
hang in there    
"Iknow what you are going though and it's tough and I still feel like I'm not good enough for her anymore but I think of the story about the donkey in the hole, and farmmer had a donkey and wanted to get reid of, he tried to sell it and give it away, but no one wanted it .
So he decided to dig a hole big enough to bury the donkey , he finished the hole and put the donkey in it after awhile the hole was filled he turned around and there was the donkey. Everytime the farmmer would throw a shovel of dirt in the hole the donkey would shake it off and step up until he was out. the moral of the story is when somthing loading down you shoulders shake it and step up shake it off and step up .

Don't get discourage with yourself tha's what satan what's us to do and stay that way turn to your scriptures and writ in a jounal if have'nt yet that helps me alot by just writng it dow and getting it on paper. stay strong and trust in the lord and remember that you're nothe only one going though this we all are and together we can conquer the adversary."
posted at 11:57:32 on October 13, 2009 by newsoul
A thought    
"Ireland, please take this as it is intended which is to help you. I think many wives may be alittle dismayed by your post. I hope I can help you see why. I feel for you and your wife because you were me and my husband a few years ago. It took me years to get over what happened and I still struggle. He didn't understand why we couldn't just go back to being "happy and giggly". The thing with this addiction is that it changes the relationship forever. Not to say that it can't still be a good even great relationship, but it is changed. You have to realize that and it seems like you can't accept that yet. Is it possible that you're wife has a point? You say she feels that you aren't doing enough. Could it be? I know with my whole being that I was given special inspiration from on high. Often times I would get feelings and I KNEW that my husband was in danger. I would bring it up to him and got a negative reaction most times. Denial, insistance that everything was fine. Only to find out later that my promptings were correct and he did fall again because he put himself in danger. Just something to think about. What would be the harm in asking your wife to tell you SPECIFICALLY what she thinks you could be doing to make her feel more comfortable..and then doing those things. Even if you don't think you need to, it would make her feel better and wouldn't that be a good thing? Also, you're comment that you are young and want to be with someone uplifting and you "don't know if you can do this the rest of your life"...that comment just makes me sad. You're wife stayed with you through betrayal and infidelity and you don't know if you want to stay with her because she's hurting because of it? Just take a moment to hear how that sounds. The apostles have always said that the root of this addiction lies in selfishness. If you don't love your wife anymore and are looking for a way out, by all means free her and let her move on. It just sounds like you're looking for a way out. If you truly love her, help her heal. Even if it takes her 20 years. That's what love is. When my husband began really listening to me and letting me be hurt when I needed to be instead of angry that he had to "live it over again" our relationship began to heal. Every month got better and continues to get better. He'll do ANYTHING to make it up to me. Anything. That's why we will be together for eternity. Anything worth fighting for is not always easy and fun. But it can be worth it."
posted at 12:16:09 on October 13, 2009 by Anonymous
Ireland,    
"You said that you've been sober from p~rn for eight months, which is amazing, if it's true. I just hope you're not trying to convince yourself of your innocence, when deep down you know you still have a problem. If you really have been sober for eight months, then why not do whatever your wife wants you to?

I'm assuming that your wife wants you to get involved in recovery groups and the twelve step program. Going to addiction recovery meetings and working through a twelve step manual doesn't sound like the deciding factor between an Apostle and a disciple. It just takes a bit of courage and honesty to admit you need help, it's definitely not the hardest thing you'll ever do.

If you haven't looked at anything suggestive in eight months, then the twelve steps really shouldn't be that big of a deal. You admitted that you have a lifelong problem, so you probably shouldn't blame your wife if she wants you to find a lifelong solution.

The best lifelong solution to our addiction that I've come across has been Sexaholics Anonymous. The majority of the people in my section have been sober for longer than half a year, and now they come to the meetings to gain the strength and support they need to fight their problems. If you're not already involved in a recovery group, then I strongly recommend that you look up Sexaholics Anonymous and get involved immediately. These meetings are not involved with the church in any way, but you can find sections especially for members if you live in a place with a high Mormon population. The huge advantage of these meetings is that they let you know that you're not the only addict out there. It's also amazing to admit and identify your problem so that you know what you're up against. Denial is definitely an addict's worst enemy.

It sounds like all your wife really wants is for you to swallow your pride and stop doing things your way. If your way was the right way, then you wouldn't have gotten yourself in this position to begin with. The least you can do to comfort your wife is try some of her suggestions.

I hope my post wasn't too negative and that I haven't misjudged you, I just have a feeling that you don't fully understand the pain your wife is going through. I do wish you the best of luck and I'll keep you and your wife in my prayers."
posted at 12:53:43 on October 13, 2009 by ETTE
Thank You    
"Thank you again for all your comments. I can see how my writings can be portrayed the wrong way. I guess that is the problem with writing (which I'm not very good at to begin with!) is that the true emotion may not be portrayed the way that it was meant. I greatly appreciate your time and thoughts you are providing, and I surely hope others havnt taken me the wrong way. I am not trying to find a way out. I guess I am learning how thenormal progression of things is supposed to go. That is what I am trying to learn from the thoughts and advice from others that are going through this as well.

One comment that I have to make though is that my wife frequently asks me if something is wrong. I am so glad that you were given the great inspiration wig your husband when he was having trouble, but I think that is partly where I'm frustrated is that I am doing so good, but she has these 'inspirations' that I am relapsing when in fact I am not. I'm NOT mad about that, just confused on how I am supposed to be feeling.

I sure hope my words don't get confused in a negative light as surely not the way that I feel. I've never been a good writer of emotions and personal feelings. Thanks again for your thoughts...it means more to me than I can express in words!!!!

Thank you!!"
posted at 13:06:33 on October 13, 2009 by Ireland
Thank You    
"Thank you again for all your comments. I can see how my writings can be portrayed the wrong way. I guess that is the problem with writing (which I'm not very good at to begin with!) is that the true emotion may not be portrayed the way that it was meant. I greatly appreciate your time and thoughts you are providing, and I surely hope others havnt taken me the wrong way. I am not trying to find a way out. I guess I am learning how thenormal progression of things is supposed to go. That is what I am trying to learn from the thoughts and advice from others that are going through this as well.

One comment that I have to make though is that my wife frequently asks me if something is wrong. I am so glad that you were given the great inspiration wig your husband when he was having trouble, but I think that is partly where I'm frustrated is that I am doing so good, but she has these 'inspirations' that I am relapsing when in fact I am not. I'm NOT mad about that, just confused on how I am supposed to be feeling.

I sure hope my words don't get confused in a negative light as surely not the way that I feel. I've never been a good writer of emotions and personal feelings. Thanks again for your thoughts...it means more to me than I can express in words!!!!

Thank you!!"
posted at 13:07:09 on October 13, 2009 by Ireland
been through a lot of the same stuff    
"Ireland,
I feel your pain, brother. I've been through much of it. Here's my experience:
When my wife first found out about my pornography problem, she took our son and left for a few days. I didn't know where she was living and I didn't hear from her for three days.
When she returned I was so happy I was willing to do anything to keep her there. The problem was that I wasn't ready to put it all behind me. I had "slips" for the better part of a year. She knew about it and was (rightfully) angry about it. She would often ask me about it, which I took as an interrogation. And she never really trusted me, which I can't blame her for.
We didn't really make any progress until we BOTH started going to LDSAR meetings. I started working the 12 Steps and she did, too.
At first my wife was resentful at me for doing something that made her have to go to these meetings. I truthfully can't blame her. But after time she learned to deal with her own issues in her own way and to give me the "space" I needed to deal with mine. I know I've said it before but she can't "fix" what's wrong with me. I've got to do it myself, or, more accurately, allow God to do it.
Please understand, I'm not blaming my wife for my problems. But her going to the LDSAR meetings and working the 12 Steps herself was a major factor in me staying clean.
I can truthfully say that she and I are much happier together now than we were just three years ago. I'm so thankful for the LDS Addiction Recovery program for that.
Prayers and best wishes,
J"
posted at 13:41:51 on October 13, 2009 by jhamilton75
Maslow    
"If you're familiar with Maslow's Heirchy of Needs ( and it sounds like you are) you must know that there are steps that must be acheived before self actualization is even a possiblity. You can't start at the top and work down. You must start at the bottom and work up. The basic needs must be fulfilled before you can move up the pyramid. The most basic is that of safety and security. Until she feels safe with you there's no chance of her acheiving self- actualization. From your post I think it's safe to say she doesn't feel safe or secure with you. I think this principal can apply in a lot of things including the gospel and also recovery from addiction. Walk before you run and all that. In order for her to feel safe she has to feel like you "get it". She has to feel like you value her opinion. If she is having "inspiration" that all is not right with you, don't immediately discount it. It doesn't necessarily mean that she is having promptings that you've relapsed. It just may mean she is being prompted that you are in danger...from pride, from a situation, from relaxing your guard, whatever. Active listening will go a long way. Good luck."
posted at 14:31:17 on October 13, 2009 by Anonymous
Just a Thought...    
"There is a phrase that has been used so often that it's sort considered cliche, but it completely fits this whole process. It is..."It's just the tip of the iceberg." Recognizing the addiction, setting things right, seeking forgiveness, abstaining from the addiction and so forth are all great and commendable. But, truly these things are just "the tip." Most addictions, for members of the Church, are also acts that involve sinning against God and those we love. These sins have eternal consequences...even the potential loss of our eternal salvation! The pain we have caused others cannot be healed on our timetable despite all the progress we make ourselves. I guess what I'm saying is that the changes for good you've managed to make so far are just a tiny speck of what's required when so much is at stake."
posted at 04:06:37 on October 14, 2009 by Anonymous
Trust    
"Hey Ireland,

I'm glad you're doing well. A "motto" of sorts that I've learned is:

Trust takes time to establish, an instant to destroy, and a lifetime to rebuild.

The fact is you violated your wife's trust. Maybe you did it after one year or 10, but it doesn't matter. The fact is you did it. And how does your wife know that it won't happen again in another 10 years. You've had long periods of sobriety in your life it sounds like and those periods have always ended. I'm not saying that's how it has to be. Just that that's how it's always been. It's up to you to make lasting lifelong changes that you do EVERY DAY so that this period of sobriety doesn't end. And just realize that you need to spend the rest of your life restoring her trust.

One thing you may consider is if you are feeling interrogated by your wife, turn the tables. It sounds like she wants some accountability and transparency from you that she's not getting. Try to have an accountability session with your wife each day, maybe at night as you're getting ready for bed. Your wife doesn't need or want specifics, but you could share generalities about what happened and MORE IMPORTANTLY, what you did to deal with what happened. For example, "it was a pretty good day today. But there were 2 times when I felt lust. One time I called a friend and the next time I said a prayer and surrendered the temptation to the Lord. I read the scriptures and prayed as I should and did yada yada yada as part of my recovery." Maybe the report won't be great every day. Maybe you'll have to report a lot of instances of lust (by the way, that's something to focus on as you're evaluating yourself. Not just staying away from porn, but are you feeling lust in your heart. THAT'S the root of the problem). Maybe your wife will get angry at first. Maybe she'll kick you out of the bed each night. But if you persist with it and do it in a humble way, she'll start to see your progress. Let her know that you NEED to be honest and accountable with her each day, to ensure your healing and to try to gain that emotional intimacy that's so important to you in your relationship and she'll come around eventually, I think. But focus on the things you did to resolve those situations. Those will be very important to her as time goes on. I wish you the best. You're doing great! Keep it up."
posted at 12:34:56 on October 14, 2009 by derek
Keep up the good work    
"Ireland,
I just want to tell you congrats on the Accomplishments that you have made so far. It sounds like you are on your way and have passed some major milestones on your journey of recovery. I feel for you. I was in a similar situation 15 years ago. Of course there are hard days and the enumerating temptations from the adversary, but I want to give you encouragement that you can do it!! One of the hardest issues I had during my initial stages of recovery was the never-ending negative Reinforcement from my wife and her family. I felt like I was always being dragged down for allowing such a thing to occur. In regards to my recovery, I felt like I was the only one that actually had faith in myself.

With that being said, I just want to encourage you to continue doing all that you can. It took my wife about 2 years before she was able to give me positive reinforcement with my addiction. I had many days of wondering if it was really going to work between my wife and I. We don't have any children, so there was not the issue of trying to 'hold the family together'. Once my wife was able to start providing more of a possitive influence on my recovery our relationship was able to prosper again. However, do Not try to push her to recover faster. That can only make things worse.

Hang in there! You have many new brothers, sisters, and friends on this site to help you and encourage you! You are in my prayers. Keep up the good work."
posted at 14:46:27 on October 14, 2009 by Anonymous
Ireland    
"Thank you for your post. Your situation with your wife seems normal to me. I try REALLY hard not to rub my husband's nose in what he has done. I think I am pretty darn good at hiding my concern most of the time. I do worry often though. I would like to mention to him that he seems to be slacking off in reading his scriptures etc. IT SCARES ME TO DEATH! I want him. I love him. I don't want to loose him. I don't want to cause him more pain. I just don't want him to take his recovery lightly and think he is "over" it all and then get lax and have to start all over. My guess is that you wife misses the "giggly times" as much or more than you do. I think those come as we start to feel safe again. I know things are getting more "giggly" here, but it takes time. Hold on to her and don't be deceived into thinking things would be better with someone else."
posted at 23:50:19 on November 2, 2009 by robin
What he didn't say...    
"Ireland is my husband. I am so proud of him for coming to outside help for our problem. We have both decided to keep this between us, our bishop and our marriage counselor. So there are definitely times when we need to vent our frustrations. Those who have read my posts know that I can vent with the best of them. I find it hard at times to talk to my husband for fear that he will be offended with my words. I know he feels the same way with me; it's hard to tell your spouse you’re "sorry" over and over again...and to have it still not solve the problem. When he wrote this post he was at a very frustrating point with me. Allow me to explain...
After our secret came to the surface, he held me nightly as I cried myself to sleep for months (it's all a blur, I can't remember exactly how long), then the following day he would let me sleep in and he would take care of the children...only to have the cycle continue to the next night. There were times when I would wake up crying in his arms, he was so attune to my needs he knew I was crying before I did. Finally we discovered sleeping pills for me. I would often take a pill too early and wake up the next morning all nice and tucked in...the poor man had to carry me into bed. During my sleeping pill stupor he often walks/carries me to the bathroom in the middle of the night (he still has to get up for work the next morning). People comment on his physical exhaustion, you can see it in his face. I too look unhealthy, I have lost weight to the point people are approaching my husband, and telling him he needs to be taking better care of me. These people have no idea what trauma has been in our lives, and how my husband is trying his hardest to right all the wrongs. There are times when I know he understands the pain he has caused me...I can't imagine how painful that must be to cause a spouse so much suffering. As a defense mechanism, I think, he tries to push back the pain, and resume a normal life. So yes, he does get a little frustrated with how "slow" I am healing, or how one minute I seem ok and the next I am crying uncontrollably...Fair or not, I understand he can't always be so understanding. It sure is hard to understand each other’s point of view. My husband made decisions along the way that brought this problem into our lives, I didn't get to make any decisions so it's hard not to "kick and scream". It's been difficult for both of us to accept reality.
My husband said he believed he was only hurting himself with his actions...He now undeniably knows that this is not true. I seriously doubt he will ever forget the pain he has seen in my face...I don't think he can ever doubt the worth of my soul when he has seen it in so much agony. Now I do know that this alone will not cure this problem in our lives, thankfully my husband is aware of this too. I have a lot of books and meetings I would love for him to partake in...I often have the "YOU broke it, YOU fix it" attitude. I recently went to the bishop and he counseled me on compromise...there is a lot my husband and I both want, we need to meet in the middle. Just because I am the "victim", doesn't mean my husband loses all say in recovery. I am pleased to say my husband has taken the 12 step workbook and is working through it. I appreciate that he does this in a setting that I can see him, he knows I need to see him making progress (his progress is my progress too). He has also come up with the idea to talk to me once a week on how he is doing, I appreciate that so much! I hope that together we can find the best way to heal ourselves and our eternal companionship. Honey, I love you!! We can do this together!!

I am so thankful for this site!! Thank you for being an outlet for us, this is the only place I don’t feel so alone in our struggles. I cannot express how much I appreciate each one of you!! Robin- thanks for saying we are "normal", it's hard to know what normal even is anymore...I hope you're doing good."
posted at 12:19:42 on November 3, 2009 by summer
12 step program    
"Hi Summer, This is a sad tale but one that many have gone through. You mentioned your husband is going through the 12 step program. But what about you? Are you going through it as well (at least the one for loved ones)? He is working ever hard to bring the atonement into his life and allow the atonement to make him a better and new man. What about you? Are you bringing the atonement into your life? Are you reading and studying the atonement so it can save you just as it saves your husband? The atonement is for both of you. The sinner AND the victim.

I know you did not bring this on. This was your husbands doing. But, YOU have as much right for the healing power of the atonement as he does. You should be doing everything you can to learn of it, PLEADING with God to bring his atoning sacrifice into your life. As you do, you will start to see through the eyes of eternity instead of just here and now. You will start to feel the love of the Savior in your life. You can pray to feel the same love that the Savior feels for your husband. From your own words, he clearly loves you and will do anything to help you. Life is hard. Addictions destroy. Don't let it destroy you. Don't let Satan destroy you because of your husbands actions. Work with him and he will love you for it. Pray with him. Pray for him. Pray to see the love of the savior for him. Read your scriptures every day. Ask God how you might be of service to him. How you might show your love for him.

I tell you these things because it seems to me you have a marriage worth saving. You have a marriage that Satan is trying desperately to tear apart. He can take such a trial and destroy you with it and destroy everything you hold dear to your heart. Take the time to turn your heart, thoughts and Will over to the Savior. He will guide you into the paths of righteousness. Yes, this addiction is his to recover from and it may take time, but in the meantime you can find peace in the Lord Jesus Christ.

May God Bless you in your efforts. Please forgive me if you do not read it with the love and concern that I am typing it with. It is so hard to express emotion and love in a blog entry."
posted at 13:23:47 on November 3, 2009 by nyronian
A saint    
"You're a saint Summer. If my husband wrote those things about me I would be furious. And hurt. You're a good person...don't ever doubt that!"
posted at 15:44:43 on November 3, 2009 by Anonymous
Thank you!!    
"There is a 12 step book for loved ones? I want it!! I’ll check around for it…thanks for letting me know. I have read through the 12 steps manual, and lots of other LDS books…trying to get through my own healing. My favorite read so far is “The Peacegiver”, that was actually one of the first books I read…I really truly believe it was a tender mercy for me to stumble upon that book in our own library of books. It was a great way to start my own healing process…am I done healing?…no, I wish I was more Christ like…that I could just let go. I am currently working through the workbook/book “Lord, I believe; help me thou mine unbelief”…Also I’m reading the book “The Miracle of Forgiveness”, and the scriptures. If any other books might be helpful for a loved one wanting to be stronger and more Christ like…please let me know! I do have a long way to go, but I am hopeful. My husband and I do have something that Satan is trying to tear apart…it is worth fighting for. I will do my best to not let Satan win. Thank you for your concern and comments!!"
posted at 16:23:59 on November 3, 2009 by summer
12 Steps    
"Summer, if you want the spouses 12 step book, I have it and I can email it to you. So far its mostly just by word of mouth and through email. I'd be more then happy to send it to you. I've gone through it and it has amazing things in there that would help anyone, not just loved ones. Let me know."
posted at 20:33:13 on November 3, 2009 by Matrix
Hi Matrix    
"What is the Spouses 12 step book?. My wife helps those sisters whose husbands have a pornography addiction. she is always looking for more good stuff to use.

thanks"
posted at 01:47:32 on November 4, 2009 by harveyf
Matrix    
"

THANK YOU! I would love if you could email me the spouses 12 step book. Here's my email... healinghelpneeded@gmail.com
Hope you're doing good!"
posted at 06:42:35 on November 4, 2009 by summer
12 steps / Books    
"Hi summer....I have an electronic copy as well if you need it but it looks like Matrix has it for you.

I would also recommend the Continuous Atonement by Brad Wilcox. http://deseretbook.com/item/5013881/The_Continuous_Atonement />
May God Bless you Summer."
Meetings    
"I don't know if you are in utah or near a group for loved ones but there is also sa.org and in utah http://www.utin.org/sa.html that has meetings for loved ones called S-Anon. You can look into that for support as well."
posted at 16:39:32 on November 4, 2009 by nyronian
Thanks    
"I'm so happy to have the spouses 12 step workbook. I just ordered some books from S-Anon. I haven't read the Continuous Atonement...but I will. Thank you so much for your comments and help!
Just reading a bit from the workbook, I have hopes it will help me. I need to get out of this rut I am in...my husband deserves to have a wife again...and we both deserve to have our relationship eternal."
posted at 12:46:47 on November 5, 2009 by summer
Our Perfect Example    
"I listened to Pres Eyrings Conference Talk this morning on my way to work....how I love this man. The opening talk for the Sunday Morning Session he spoke of how we can become like the savior. The love required to do this. It touches my heart. I would recommend it to all that are here. To you, to your husband, to me and to my lovely wife.

I would recommend listening to him on the MP3 link or watching the video if you know how to get to that link.

http://lds.org/conference/sessions/display/0,5239,23-1-1117,00.html"
posted at 22:51:28 on November 5, 2009 by nyronian
there is a 12 step book for spouses?    
"How do I get it? Can I call the distribution center? I know it would help me be a better person.

I love you all and pray for you and thank my Heavenly Father for this sight. It has been such a blessing for me."
posted at 23:49:39 on November 5, 2009 by robin
Our Perfect Example    
"Nyronian, thank you for recommending that message to us all. I listened to it this morning. What a wonderful way to start my day. Thank you for being so mindful of your struggling sisters and brothers.
I feel so blessed to have found this site. I appreciate all the comments and thoughts posted. I will continue to keep you all in my prayers. Thank you for your strength."
posted at 07:24:55 on November 6, 2009 by summer


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" Is it possible to reclaim a life that through reckless abandon has become so strewn with garbage that it appears that the person is unforgivable? Or what about the one who is making an honest effort but has fallen back into sin so many times that he feels that there is no possible way to break the seemingly endless pattern? Or what about the person who has changed his life but just can't forgive himself?The Atonement of Jesus Christ is available to each of us. His Atonement is infinite. It applies to everyone, even you. It can clean, reclaim, and sanctify even you. That is what infinite means—total, complete, all, forever. "

— Shayne M. Bowen

General Conference October 2006