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declaring indepedence
By adrastos
10/12/2009 12:38:42 PM
I've been in a slump for awhile now. I keep telling myself that I'm not going to act out anymore, that I'm going to be clean for now on, then I find myself falling right back into old patterns. Well, part of the problem is that I've only been telling myself that I'm again attempting to be clean (and when I say things like "attempting" I'm already setting myself up for failure).

So, if I keep these "attempts" to myself then I will keep failing. So, I'm telling you guys that I am on the band wagon as of 11:36am Monday Oct 12, 2009. I will be reporting about my progress here, so that I have someone to be accountable to. I've really had a hard time with this and I just need to do something different. I have to put an end to this addiction or pornography and masturbation, its ruining my life.

So, here is the start of day 1.

Comments:

Recovery is a process    
"I've found that when I promise myself that I'll never act out again, that I'm only setting myself up for disappointment. In my case at least, I've come to accept the fact that I am a sexaholic and I will struggle with my addiction for the rest of my life. In a way that sounds really depressing, but on the other hand it's extremely liberating because I know that I'm finally being honest with myself, instead of trying to convince myself that I'll never act out again.

A good place to start is to only promise yourself that you can be sober for six hours, and then at the end of the six hours you can congratulate yourself and promise another six hours. I had to do that for the first month of my sobriety, and it really made a huge difference. I've been sober 76 days now, and I promised myself to be sober for an entire week for the first time yesterday.

Good luck, Adrastos. Keep posting your progress, even when you slip. It really helps to make yourself accountable."
posted at 12:57:14 on October 12, 2009 by ETTE
Okay, lets make smaller promises    
"I know all about the whole "setting myself up for disappointment" thing. I've done that a ton, but I've found that I do better when I try to make commitments. However, I've broken so many commitments that its hard for me to believe myself. I do like what you've said. I can at least promise that I won't act out for the next 6 hours, and slowly work myself up from there. Right now (depending on my circumstances) being clean for one day can be quite the challenge."
posted at 14:08:27 on October 12, 2009 by adrastos
Small steps    
"I agree with ETTE, start with small goals. They do wonders for building your confidence in your ability to change. If you start with "never again", the first slip up will be devastating and give you a reason to kick yourself (which is the last thing you need). If you start small, every day can be a success. Then, when you are ready, you can increase your goals for sobriety to longer and longer periods of time. The thing to remember is that no matter how long you go without acting out, it is only the moment just ahead that really counts. You can do nothing about the moments that have already passed, or the ones to come, only the one you are in. I believe in you, I know that you can have success if you keep trying and keep faith in the Lord."
posted at 23:41:30 on October 12, 2009 by ican
Just never stay down!    
"Recovery is indeed a process -- it's not an event. We expect "instant" success in our purity quest -- I want to stop now and so let it be....well...it didn't take us overnight to get this deeply addicted, it took a process, it wasn't one single event that brought us into it -- but several. It is a process just the same in reversing our addiction and becoming the masters once again.

I don't promise myself "never" anymore - like mentioned above that really is a setup for eventually giving in. I go on a 24hr sobriety quest at a time. I can control the next 24 hours of my addiction and when that is done I thank Heavenly Father, and myself and get ready for the next day - when I being my next 24 hr sobriety quest. There are many steps throughtout the day that I do to keep my mind focused -- remember it's all a process, we have to undo the old addictive process and redo with a new positive one...anyway, my love to you!

Power in Purity!"
posted at 09:31:04 on October 13, 2009 by whitewolf
thanks for the help    
"Well, I struggled more than I thought I would. I didn't change anything with what I was doing and inevitably I caved into temptation. I've made some adjustments today, such as praying right before the times when temptation comes the most. Preparing backup and emergency plans.

I appreciate your comments, I sometimes forget that it was a gradual process that got me here, so it will have to be a gradual process to heal this disease."
posted at 11:15:05 on October 13, 2009 by adrastos
A new day    
"Tripping and stumbling isn't fun, but it's just a part of recovery. The important thing is to focus on today, whether you just slipped or you've been sober for months.

I understand what you're going through because I've been there myself more times than I can count. Congratulations on being honest about it, that's always been the hardest part for me. It's also good that you're going to take a different approach today, I hope it works for you."
posted at 12:09:06 on October 13, 2009 by ETTE
Sometimes I think Heavenly Father hands us freebies    
"Today, I was really struggling in the typical time, I was caving like I usually do, but I was interrupted by a co-worker with a group project that we are doing together. I was able to stop before I really started to get to the point where I was acting out.

It doesn't feel like a battle won, just a freebie to help me get through the day. I think Captain Moroni demonstrated it best as to how to win battles against Satan. The main thing you have to do is prepare prepare prepare, and then pray a lot, and have a lot of faith.

My goal now is just to make it through this day of work, I don't have a problem at home so much (at least not right now)."
posted at 13:30:53 on October 13, 2009 by adrastos


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"Lucifer will do all in his power to keep you captive. You are familiar with his strategy. He whispers: “No one will ever know.” “Just one more time.” “You can’t change; you have tried before and failed.” “It’s too late; you’ve gone too far.” Don’t let him discourage you. When you take the path that climbs, that harder path of the Savior, there are rewards along the way. When you do something right, when you resist temptation, when you meet a goal, you will feel very good about it. It is a very different kind of feeling than you have when you violate commandments—an altogether different feeling. It brings a measure of peace and comfort and provides encouragement to press on. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990