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Update... Day 61
By Gondor44646
10/6/2009 6:38:42 PM

I just wanted to give you a status update. 19 years old... I am on day 61 of being clear form porn and masturbation. It has been great, but in order to remain clear I still admit my temptations and difficulties in my thoughts. I have not failed but I catch myself having difficulties while on the Internet.

The devil would be stupid if he didn't make sin look enticing. Although I feel weak in heart my main saying right now is that "I don't need it in my life" even though my body wants it. It kind of bugs me that my body is like this, or even that I am like this. It's just the whole natural man thing again... It makes me sad, but I trust God and I feel his love.

Can anybody help me understand this? I desire physical intimacy!? I've messed up in my youth for so long that it is easy for my mind to seek a false comfort.

My last difficulties are when I am trying to sleep or wake up. I always project a false comfort, which is simply my mind trying to bring me back to my main problem again. I've been able to get around it every time, but it seems like I lose myself in my thoughts more and more. Sure I still think I'm doing well, wooo, so I haven't indulge in my addiction, but I believe uncontrolled obsessive unbridled thoughts are just as bad as my problem, and the last thing I want is to completely lose myself to that again.

Everything is a lot better than it looks though. The happiness of being clear and clean feels great.

Ok... thanks... I'm kind of just talking to myself again, kind of like a self-evaluation, as so long as nobody minds...

Comments:

Likewise    
"Congratulations on 61 days!

I'm barely 20 and have sexual addictions problems. I've found that with me, I have the hardest time controlling my thoughts right before I go to sleep, when I'm just laying in my bed. What's helped me is praying. Not getting on my knees really, but just talking to God. Or I'll sing Primary songs in my head. I have a couple favorites and I'll just repeat them over and over until I fall asleep. Putting in a CD or something like that would help too. Distraction is the best way for me to get over that.

Thanks for sharing. Keep up the good work!"
posted at 06:49:08 on October 7, 2009 by g2change
Congrats!    
"I’m so excited for you that you’ve stayed sober for 61 days. My situation is very similar to yours, and in fact, I have about as much sobriety at the moment as you do. Judging by some of your older blogs, it sounds like you’ve made enormous progress with staying sober, but more importantly, it sounds like your attitude has become much more positive. Even without sobriety, you've come a long way and you're definitely still on the right track to recovery, so I guess sobriety is just an added bonus for you at this point. Keep it up!

I'd like to give you feedback on some of the things you wrote in your post. If you don’t like what I have to say, then don’t take offense, just stop reading and ignore what I’ve written. Everyone is different, so what works for me may or may not work for you. I’m going to go ahead and put my opinions and suggestions on a couple separate posts, so if you choose not to read them, just know that I’m proud of you and wish you the best of luck in your recovery. "
posted at 13:05:41 on October 7, 2009 by ETTE
The likely cause of your addiction    
"These are just some of my assumptions and opinions about what you wrote, feel free to take it or leave it:

Your problem is not your body or your gender. Even without these things, your spirit would still be addicted to p~rn and m~sturbation. Judging by the number of female addicts in my recovery groups and even by the number of females who blog on this site, I think it’s safe to say that you and I don’t have a problem that only afflicts males, we have a problem that afflicts humanity. Aside from that evidence, look at yourself! You’ve gone at least 61 days without giving into your addictions, even though you have a male body. If your body hasn’t undergone any drastic changes during your sobriety, then what’s responsible for the drastic changes in your behavior? The answer is simple: your mind is responsible for both your addictions and for your sobriety.

You wrote, “I believe uncontrolled obsessive unbridled thoughts are just as bad as my problem,” but I think you’re wrong. Uncontrolled obsessive unbridled thoughts ARE your problem. "
posted at 13:10:38 on October 7, 2009 by ETTE
A suggested way to control your thoughts    
""If you can stop your unbridled thoughts within one second or less after they enter your mind, then you will be able to withstand any physical urges your body throws at you (I know that’s always been true for me at least). Controlling your thoughts is a lot easier said than done, right?

Wrong. Controlling your thoughts can be very easy if you know what to do. I’ve noticed that our church has loads of doctrine about why we have to control our thoughts, but practically no doctrine on HOW to control our thoughts, aside from suggesting that we sing a hymn to get rid of bad thoughts.

I don’t know about you, but the hymn thing has never worked for me (I've been told that it really does work for some people, and that's great for them, but it doesn't work for everyone). Fortunately, I have found a way to control my thoughts that has worked for me every time without fail, although I have to admit that sometimes this method just turns my sensual thoughts into frustration or anger (I describe an incident of when this happened in my “Growing tired of fighting” post), but in my case, I’d much rather work with frustration and anger than sensual thoughts. These are not my own ideas, so I have to give credit to my LDS Family services therapist and to A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada and the Bhagavad Gita. I’ve just combined some of their ideas to find a method that works for me.

So here’s what I do to control my thoughts:

1. I slowly breathe in while counting to five count.

2. Next, I hold my breath while counting to five.

3. Next, I slowly breathe out while counting to five.

4. I start over again with step one and repeat the entire cycle but instead of counting to five in my head, I try to concentrate and count five of my own heartbeats for each step.

This might not work for you, and it might sound too stupid or simple to try, but I strongly suggest you at least give it a couple of shots. This is especially helpful for me when I’m lying in bed and can’t stop thinking bad thoughts, or sitting in a meeting where I can’t do anything to distract myself. If I’m still thinking bad thoughts after about three cycles of breathing, which almost never happens, then I double my counting to ten for each step.

The idea behind this is that it takes so much of your mind’s attention to count to five over and over and to tell your lungs when to breathe and when not to breathe, that after just a few cycles you get so into what you’re doing that you forget why you started doing it in the first place.

There’s only been one time so far that I simply couldn’t stop my bad thoughts even with my breathing technique, so I started repeating a mantra (or a certain sequence of words) in my head as I continued to follow the breathing technique. At that point, I was trying to do so many things at once that I totally lost my train of thought and the bad thought vanished.

Any mantra will work, but I prefer the Hare Krishna mantra (you can find the words to it on Google). I’m not advocating the Krishna religion by any means, I’m just suggesting that I’ve learned a lot from what they teach about how to control one’s thoughts . That being said, this may or may not help you, but I had fun writing it either way. I really do hope this will make a difference for you, because it has made all the difference for me as far as controlling bad thoughts is concerned.""
posted at 13:32:32 on October 7, 2009 by ETTE
Another suggestion about controling your thoughts    
"I agree, the whole hymn thing never worked for me, it just gave my bad thoughts an odd accompaniment. What I have found, though, is that you have to get something else INTO your thoughts in order to get bad thoughts OUT. It doesn't work to say to myself stop thinking about...whatever it is. I have to get something as intense into my thought process. I usually have to get up and do something different...go for a walk, play my guitar, watch a movie (a really clean one), call a friend, come on here and blog (watch out for that one when temptation is really strong, though, because a couple of mouse clicks and you are somewhere on the net that you REALLY have trouble controlling those thoughts), get out and exercise, go get a snack (or cook something that requires a lot of concentration), write in a journal or your 12 step book, read a good book, play a video game...it doesn't really matter as long as it is something that you really do need to concentrate on. I don't believe that it is true that you can only think about one thing at a time, but I DO think that you can only really concentrate on one thing at a time. Impure thoughts have to be PUSHED out of your mind, and the sooner you recognize that you are thinking them, and remember that you don't want to think them, the easier it is to push them out, if you wait until you are right on the verge of acting out, it's too late...even if you don't end up fully acting out, you already have in your mind. (Matthew 5:28)

Having impure thoughts come into your mind is not a sin; those thoughts and impulses are normal, natural and given to humans by God for a reason. However, we need to "bridle our passions" and overcome the natural man by not allowing our minds to linger on those thoughts is situations where they are not appropriate. Because these thoughts are so overpowering, you have to push them out before they become too big to handle (at the first recognizable sign...the longer you wait, the more dangerous they become)."
posted at 21:16:22 on October 7, 2009 by ican
yay! ((Day 63))    
"Ahhh, you guys are great. Thank you so much for your advice. Yes, I've actually heard of that 5 sec. breathing technic. It does help, but unfortunately my will sometimes gets the best of me.

Yes, G2Change I also like to play good music just as I am going to bed. It is a lot easer to sleep when I listen to some calm relaxing music rather than my mind.

ICAN your advice is good too, I used to think that I was evil because I was a sexual being, but now I understand the difference between the natural man and the spiritual man. " those thoughts and impulses are normal, natural and given to humans by God for a reason. However, we need to "bridle our passions" and overcome the natural man "

ETTE your understanding is great... " The answer is simple: your mind is responsible for both your addictions and for your sobriety. " That sounds absolutely true, it is that belief system, it is that mind, like the roots to the addiction that keeps us trapped.

At times I have come very close to giving up, but at the last second I start going into this stupid mode, or where I start talking to myself like an idiot. I don't know if it is a good or bad thing, but whatever the case it has helped me delay and escape any failure so far.

I love you guys... ((sigh)) I forget who created this site? Imagine how many people it is helping right now, what a great source of joy... I hope God blesses whomever...

That is all..."
posted at 08:28:37 on October 8, 2009 by Gondor44646
yay! ((Day 63))    
"Ahhh, you guys are great. Thank you so much for your advice. Yes, I've actually heard of that 5 sec. breathing technic. It does help, but unfortunately my will sometimes gets the best of me.

Yes, G2Change I also like to play good music just as I am going to bed. It is a lot easer to sleep when I listen to some calm relaxing music rather than my mind.

ICAN your advice is good too, I used to think that I was evil because I was a sexual being, but now I understand the difference between the natural man and the spiritual man. " those thoughts and impulses are normal, natural and given to humans by God for a reason. However, we need to "bridle our passions" and overcome the natural man "

ETTE your understanding is great... " The answer is simple: your mind is responsible for both your addictions and for your sobriety. " That sounds absolutely true, it is that belief system, it is that mind, like the roots to the addiction that keeps us trapped.

At times I have come very close to giving up, but at the last second I start going into this stupid mode, or where I start talking to myself like an idiot. I don't know if it is a good or bad thing, but whatever the case it has helped me delay and escape any failure so far.

I love you guys... ((sigh)) I forget who created this site? Imagine how many people it is helping right now, what a great source of joy... I hope God blesses whomever...

That is all..."
posted at 08:29:07 on October 8, 2009 by Gondor44646
Get Involved    
"Great thoughts and great insight here, thank you. This helpful as I am also in the 60's in days as well. Isn't interesting the more distance we put between us the more comprehension and understanding we get. My advise is to get involved. Men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause. I am making myself so busy these days that I can't hardly even think about the temptation. And when I do it is usually replaced using some of the techniques descrided, and sometimes it is because I am on to the next thing on my list. Keep up the good work all..."
posted at 09:34:17 on October 8, 2009 by aug7change


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"[The Savior] is saying to us, "Trust me, learn of me, do what I do. Then, when you walk where I am going," He says, "we can talk about where you are going, and the problems you face and the troubles you have. If you will follow me, I will lead you out of darkness," He promises. "I will give you answers to your prayers. I will give you rest to your souls.""

— Jeffrey R. Holland

General Conference, April 2006