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An update...a miracle.
By bikermom
9/28/2009 12:20:34 PM
I just wanted to share with everyone that comes here an update on what's happening with me and my husband.

For those who don't know my story, my husband of 15 years revealed to me last year that he had been unfaithful to me and was a s~xual addict. He was s~xually abused as a young child which led into mast and sex with many partners as a teenagers. He "cleaned up" and went on a mission. He got home, met me, we married in the temple, and almost immediately he went back to his addiction. When he went into see his Bishop before his mission, he did not tell him everything that had happened. He did not tell him about the mast and the abuse. These secrets have allowed Satan to have a firm grasp on his life with horrible consequences for both of us. Please, if you who are reading this have not confessed everything to your Bishop, just do it! COMPLETE honesty is crucial. Please learn from my husband's mistake, please!

Throughout the years or marriage, I always knew something was wrong, I knew my husband was way out there spiritually even though he would go through the motions of going to church. I never knew about his invovlement with girls before our marriage or about the mast and fantasizing throughtout our marriage. He has lied to me throughout our marriage. I don't know why I stayed other than a strong committment to the covenants I made in the temple and for the children. He has been comletely selfish in his actions to me. He has been abusive, emotionally and s~xually. I have never been "good enough" for him. My life with him has been miserable. His needs and wants were always the most important, above anyone else's in the family. I truly hated him!

Here is the miracle though. My husband was excommunicated last August. It was the best thing for our situation. He needed to have a complete break from the church, he needed to lose everything. Yes, I stayed with him, but we have had to completely rebuild our relationship. We started attending a 12-step group near us. We pray together morning and night, we never miss, never! He prays on his own. He reads his scriptures everyday, he never misses. We attend church every week. He has met with the Bishop and Stake President monthly. We read books about marriage and other topics together. We go on a weekly date. He treats me with love and kindness. He still apologizes often about what he's done to me and for the way he's treated me throughout our marriage. We have good communication with each other. He prayed for a long time and still does from time to time, to have feelings. He thanks God everyday for making it through another day clean. He is a completely different person than who he was last year. He also determined last year that he would do whatever it took to repair the damage he has caused to me and our marriage--and he's doing a great job! I actually recently thought that maybe I wouldn't mind being sealed to him again.

My husband was baptized and confirmed a member of the church last night. It was a wonderful experience. The Spirit was there really strong. I had a feeling of being more complete and so did my husband. It was another step in healing for us and our marriage. It was another step closer to forgiveness for me. It was another step closer to forgiveness of himself by my husband.

I love the gospel! I love our Savior! I am so thankful for the Atonement, for the healing it brings to me and to my husband--where would we be without it? The church is true-- I know it because the Spirit has touched my soul over and over letting me know it is true.

I'd like to close with saying that this is the worst, hardest, most horrible thing I have ever gone through. The level of betrayal that I have felt is beyond what words can describe. I have many emotional wounds that will take a long time to heal as a result. But, I have healed some and continue to heal. Jesus Christ has felt all of my pains and sorrows and he knows and has felt yours too. This was confirmed to me recently with a powerful experience I had in the temple.

God bless everyone who comes here to this site...for those who are striving to overcome addictions and those who suffer consequences because of another person's choices. God loves us all and will help all of us...I know this is true!

Comments:

Christ Suffered for all    
"Thank you for your post. I think that sometimes we get stuck thinking that Christ only suffered for our sins. While this is an amazing part of the gift, and in many ways perhaps the most important. We must not forget that Christ also suffered for our other pains. Christ went through Gethsemane for each of us, he experienced all the pain of loneliness, betrayal, hurt, sorrow, anger...any earthly pain. He did it so that he would know how to succor us. He will heal all of our broken hearts, no matter what it is that broke it.

I am so happy to hear of your husband's success, and your healing. Much Love."
posted at 22:18:29 on September 28, 2009 by ican
Beautiful!    
"Thank you for sharing your special moment. What a wonderful experience for your husband and you. I ache for the time I can look into my husband’s eyes and feel safe. Reading your post made me smile. There is hope, there is always hope...thank you for helping me see that today. God bless you and your family."
posted at 12:23:00 on September 29, 2009 by summer
WAHOO!    
"That's all I have to say."
posted at 17:02:55 on October 2, 2009 by justjohn
Thanks    
"I know this is a pretty old post. I just want to thank you for writing it, Bikermom. When I hear of women who have made it through this, I often think that they're situation isn't as bad as mine or is different enough to be easier. For instance, many women love their husbands through all of this addict abuse/betrayal stuff. Since they never lost love, they (may) heal more quickly. I found so much hope in your post because you said you hated your husband. I know that sound soooo terrible. But I find hope that a woman who has disliked her husband, could find so much healing.

You are doing better than me... I wouldn't pray with my husband for months after confession day. I didn't want to listen to him pray for our marriage. I felt like he was trying to put a love spell on me. (If you have seen Aladin, you know that is against the rules.) :)

Well, the point is, thank you for sharing your story and your testimony that things can get better. I read recently in the 12 step manual that our trials can be turned into testimony. I'm hoping I'll get there.

This post is about a year and a half old. I would be very interested in hearing about how you are doing now!"
posted at 21:47:33 on February 22, 2011 by katie
Trials into Testimony - amen    
"Katie: glad you posted on this.. or else I would have never read this story.

someday.. when I'm rich and famous... I want to write a book on stories of hope.

they say that people commit suicide.. (spiritual suicide included) not because their life is hard.. but because they have no hope.

hearing miracles like this reminds me that change is possible.

Birth, Change, Re-birth, LIFE! . is always a miracle."
posted at 22:17:35 on February 22, 2011 by gracefull


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"In recent years, as I have sung the hymns of the Atonement, it has been with an especially full heart—and also with full voice, when I can continue to sing—lines such as “How great thou art,” “I scarce can take it in,” “To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine,” “I stand all amazed,” and “Oh, it is wonderful!”"

— Neal A. Maxwell

General Conference May 1987