Still trying to heal...
9/24/2009 11:57:21 AM
Alma 42:29 — And now, my son, I desire that ye should let these things trouble you no more, and only let your sins trouble you, with that trouble which shall bring you down unto repentance.
My husband and I read that scripture last night. It really hit home to me. We can repent and be forgiven. We need not dwell on past sins, but use the knowledge we have acquired to prevent future sins. I believe in the atonement…I know that we can be forgiven for our sins if we repent. I do not want to be miserable, nor do I want my husband miserable. I want to help my husband and I let go of these past sins and let them trouble us no more. We cannot change the past we only have today to work with. It is very hard for my husband that I know of his past with pornography…I need him to get past that. It has not been easy for me to admit that my husband has a problem…it hurts sometimes more than I can handle. But I love him, I want what is best for him, I want to be a strength for him. I don’t want my husband to continually be punished for his past. What I really desire is for my husband to trust me enough to come to me when he has struggled or is struggling. I in turn want to trust my husband enough to know that he will come to me with his struggles. My husband is embarrassed and he sees my pain as me trying to punish him. I do understand why he has a hard time coming to me and risk me being hurt and upset. That being said…I don’t want to live a lie ever again! I would rather have my heart broke than live a lie. My husband and I are one, I need him and I need him to need me. I hope someday (hopefully sooner than later), my husband will know deeply I love him and am here for him.
I am so thankful I have somewhere to put my thoughts…I feel so lost in my head sometimes, it helps to get it out.


hang in there    
Just speaking from personal experience b/c I would not try to give advice. One of the most supportive things my wife ever did for me was for her to start going to LDS Addiction Recovery Services meetings herself. And for her to start working the 12 Steps herself. It helped her learn to work through her own issues.
It did not teach her how to "fix" her husband, even though I was (and still am, to a degree) broken. It helped us both to understand each other, and was probably one of the best things we've ever done in the 11+ years we've been married.
Thoughts and prayers are with all of you.
posted at 12:06:09 on September 25, 2009 by jhamilton75
"Thank you for your heartfelt cries. I am certain they will reach the heavens as you reach for God. I have come to learn the, at least for me right now in my life, the Atonement is about Change for than Forgiveness. Please bear with me on that statement. This is how I see it now....

1. Today I need to change. I need to be a different man. I need this DRUG of pornography OUT of my system. I go through withdrawals and I struggle BUT the more I pray for help in changing, the better things become. I read and pray everyday. Why? Because I believe that it is God alone that can give me the strength to make it through today or even this hour. I believe he can motivate me to CHANGE.

2. I have come to believe that no matter a man or womans past, if they have the spirit today, if they are close to God today, if they are honest and honestly seeking to do His Will, he can use me today to do good things. To serve as He wishes. If I am a changed man, no matter my past, he can use me to do good. (Alma the Younger is a great example of this).

3. When in all this does forgiveness come? I have no idea. But I believe that if I truly become a friend of Christ. That I am His. That is ALL that matters. He wants my whole self. THEN will his atonement have FULL affect in my life and I pray to God that he will forgive me for my horrible crimes and the hearts I have broken, the pain I have caused.

How another looks at it could be very different from me. Everyone gets answers from the Spirit that they need at the time to help them through the difficult time. I can't bear to yet ask God for forgiveness until I am a different person. Until I can truly give God my will. Which is the ONLY true thing we can offer God.

Your husband is blessed beyond measure to have you in his life. That you love him enough to help him through it. It says volumns of both YOU and HIM.

My thoughts and prayers are with you."
posted at 14:14:02 on September 25, 2009 by Anonymous
Stay strong!    
"I can't believe how supportive and patient you must be to put up with a problem that you have virtually no control over, especially since this problem causes you so much anguish. It's also commendable that you can stay positive and willing to help your spouse with his addictions, when most people really have to struggle to stay positive about their own addictions (I know I do in any case, even when things are going well).

I hope your husband understands how lucky he is that you're putting forth so much effort to be a strength for him. If he doesn't comprehend that yet, then I hope he will soon.

I hope and pray the Lord will bless you with success in all your efforts."
posted at 00:24:24 on September 26, 2009 by ETTE
Not always positive…    
"I try my hardest to stay positive with the situation my husband and I are dealing with. But sometimes it just takes over me. I had a “relapse” with my attitude this past weekend. Everything was going just fine. I actually thought I was doing rather well with my attitude. While I was out getting a few things done, I saw a beautiful women dressed immodestly. She was the nicest person, but all I could think when she was talking to me was…this would definitely be a trigger for my husband, and so it became a trigger for me to slip back into the depression I’ve been trying so hard to fight. I came home and tried to gather myself before coming in the door. My husband is very good at telling when something is wrong with me…he immediately asked me what was wrong. I told him I just wasn’t feeling well (he knows that means I’m depressed at the moment)…but as he pressed for the reason, I told him of the women who I would never look like, and the tears fell like rain. My poor husband had to hold me like a baby as I sobbed and sobbed. I’m so mad at myself, it’s been about a week since my husband has seen me cry (I’ve definitely cried within that time, but my husband was lucky enough to be at work). This is so hard!!

Thank you for your comments J, Anonymous and Ette. My prayers continue to be with you all. You can do this!!"
posted at 10:07:37 on September 27, 2009 by summer
"We're all human, and it's perfectly understandable that we have emotions and feelings. Even Christ wept and felt sorrow at times; there's absolutely nothing wrong with feeling sad. You can feel and express your sorrow and be a strength to your husband at the same time.

I am truly sorry that you're going through so much pain. I can tell by your blogs and responses that aside from being a child of God, you're also a decent human being. I have faith in you that you'll be able to overcome this situation with more strength than you had before getting into it.

My prayers are still with you. Keep fighting!"
posted at 15:17:40 on September 28, 2009 by ETTE

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" Is it possible to reclaim a life that through reckless abandon has become so strewn with garbage that it appears that the person is unforgivable? Or what about the one who is making an honest effort but has fallen back into sin so many times that he feels that there is no possible way to break the seemingly endless pattern? Or what about the person who has changed his life but just can't forgive himself?The Atonement of Jesus Christ is available to each of us. His Atonement is infinite. It applies to everyone, even you. It can clean, reclaim, and sanctify even you. That is what infinite means—total, complete, all, forever. "

— Shayne M. Bowen

General Conference October 2006