Growing tired of fighting
9/21/2009 11:52:10 AM
I have done so well the past three weeks with controlling my thoughts and getting rid of temptations that I thought I might have shaken my s~xual addictions for good. Well, most unfortunately, that’s not the case at all.

Yesterday in sacrament meeting, I was hit with a non-stop stream of bad thoughts. Every time I looked at any of the women in my ward, all the filthy memories and images burned in my brain would come rushing at me. At first, I tried turning my problems over to the Lord, but the Lord either didn’t feel like taking my problems at that time, or I just couldn’t let go of them.

As the meeting progressed, I got more and more frustrated and upset. I kept asking the following questions in my head: Why didn’t I just go hiking this morning instead of coming to church? Why would female BYU students be dressed more immodestly at church than at school? Who do they think the men came to church to worship? Why don’t I just move to an extreme Muslim country like Saudi Arabia where people have to dress modestly?

After a few minutes of giving into my anger, I realized my anger and frustration had completely replaced my lust. I didn’t feel like looking at p~rn or m~sturbating anymore, I felt like standing up, pulling my hair, and screaming at the top of my lungs!! (good thing I didn’t, since I’m sure the other members would be a bit confused)

My thoughts and desires have become a little more manageable since yesterday morning, mostly due to a moving SA meeting last night, but I’m still white knuckling big time. I just don’t know how much longer I can put up with this h~ll I’m living.

Does anyone know what could be wrong with me? Why is staying in control so much harder now than it was a week ago?

I’m doing all my dailies and resisting lust the moment it enters my mind. I’m going to my meetings, seeing my therapist, working out, staying involved socially, doing my school work, etc. In short, I’m doing everything the exact same way I was doing things before, when I had such an easy time staying sober.

I would deeply appreciate any thoughts or advice.


It will get worse before it gets better    
"This addiction is like any other addiction. It has both a psychological and a physical part to it. Because it is, in reality, a chemical dependency (which I have heard is close to heroine as far as the physical "pull" it has on addicts) there is a period of adjustment that your body has to go through in order to get over the physical addiction. But it will get better...eventually. You are just in the "detox" mode of kicking this addiction. As for the psychological addiction, that will get better eventually as well, in time. As you learn to deal with your stresses and frustrations in other ways, you will not "need" that escape as badly. I don't know if the urges will ever completely go away, but you will learn to deal with them."
posted at 23:09:36 on September 21, 2009 by ican
Very True    
"Sometimes I never think about it that way. I went through the exact same thing lately. Was doing great then BAM everything got difficult again.

I guess if we were to look at a heroine addict, we would not be surprised to see such things happen. You will go through withdrawals. And yes, if you are reading and praying and working ever so hard on keeping your thoughts clean, there are times we just have to keep our head on straight when confronted with such temptations/thoughts. The more times we have of "cleanliness" helps us through those times. It gives us the knowledge and hope what we can make it through one more and thus giving us the strength.

God Bless You! DON'T GIVE UP!!! There is nothing out of the ordinary here. It IS a physical addiction. Get a copy of The Continuous Atonement and read it! You will be amazed at the things you will learn. Do EVERYTHING you can to combat this. It WILL NOT JUST GO AWAY! I know your tired of fighting but all you have to do is "get up one more time than you fall". You CAN do this...and you must! As MUST I! By writing you from my heart, you have given me strength for one more day! :-)

Keep the faith my friend. There is more than you know pulling for you."
posted at 09:29:56 on September 22, 2009 by Anonymous

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"One of the false notions of our society is that we are victims of our appetites and passions. But the truth is that the body is controlled by the spirit which inhabits it."

— Terrance D. Olson

“Teaching Morality to Your Children,” Ensign, Mar. 1981