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It's been awhile...
By aheehoo
8/2/2009 10:05:15 PM
So I'm back. For those of you that remember I was here in January for about a month...it's been six long months since I've come on to write. I've read a few posts and it's like everything that everyone has written is the exact same thing going on in my mind.

I've given in a lot over the last six months. A LOT A LOT. It sucked. It sucks. I've traced it back to when I was a kid. To when I was 16. That's when I lost my virginity. I would give anything to go back and change that. I would change so much in my life. I know I shouldn't say that because those things made me who I am. The problem with that is because of those things I hate who I am. I wish I could go back...

The reason I'm getting on tonight is because of how I feel and how my relationship is with my wife. I still haven't told her anything, but it seems we're getting divorced. Not because of my problem, but some other things. I hate that I brought it to this.

Anyway, right now I really don't want porn or anything else. I just want to sleep. I want to sleep for such a long time. I have so much homework to do, and I really don't care. I just wish so many things were different. I wish I were different...

Comments:

I understand    
"I have had those days. We are all in this together if we like it or not. Some think that it take years to undo what we have done or has happened to us in the past. I think that is wrong and we can change in a second. It is a decision. We can't do anything about our messed up pasts and crappy choices but we can change our present lives and prepare for the future. With addiction we feel like we are trapped but our choice is still there. Our bodies want us to be gratify thru looking at porn or whatever but we have a choice. We can change right now. I have done that recently and have started praying more and reading the scriptures to correct my perspective and the strength is there. The problem is that the urge is with us and stays strong but the more we fill turn from it and fill our lives with faith and hope the better able we are to cope. I understand what you are going thru. It is very hard to talk to people and say "hey im addicted to porn" but that is why this site is here so we can learn from each other and bounce ideas off one another. We both need help to understand and to change. I am welcome to ideas from anyone. Your life is a lot better than you think. Struggle to change the things that are important to you. And fight for happiness."
posted at 19:33:01 on August 3, 2009 by remember


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"[The Savior] is saying to us, "Trust me, learn of me, do what I do. Then, when you walk where I am going," He says, "we can talk about where you are going, and the problems you face and the troubles you have. If you will follow me, I will lead you out of darkness," He promises. "I will give you answers to your prayers. I will give you rest to your souls.""

— Jeffrey R. Holland

General Conference, April 2006