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Starting over again
By IronSmile
7/11/2009 8:41:22 PM
Step 1 - Key Principle — Admit that you, of yourself, are powerless to overcome your addictions and that your life has become unmanageable.
I was programmed from an early age to have this addiction.I'm a survivor of incest and other forms of abuse, I was about 6 or 7 years old when it started. It's really just a need to be loved and accepted, but it usually ends up coming back to s~ual things even if only in my own sabotage. I can count on one hand how many relationships I have had that didn't end up at least a little in the gutters. Masturbation was never a problem, I didn't understand it, and even if I tried, I rejected myself! Only very recently in an effort to thwart an urge to have an unhealthy tryst did I try this and succeed. It won't be a regular thing because my heart is not in it, i have so many blocks emotionally, and I don't want to waste that much time. I guess this sums up how I feel about myself, in some unconscious way.
The reason I'm classing myself here... well, as much as i try to keep away from this... eventually it always finds me. It had been four years since i'd had any kind of sx relationship, even with my own husband, and i created one out of thin air. Life is unmanageable because I can't tell where to divide the line between actual valid needs and desperate desires. I don't know if i was ever IN LOVE with my husband and that's a whole nother story...
I know I can't do this alone. None of my shrinks have been able to cure me. Drugs haven't cured me (prescription). Only One can... and I'd better start listening.

Comments:

clarity #1    
"i should clarify that part of the reason my husband and i haven't touched in 4 years is because in 2005 i was stupid enough to let my guard down with a boss and was totally screwed. i lost my soul that day and it took a while to begin to recover from that humiliation. it's like if i haven't been humiliated in a while somehow i'll find a way... i don't know if i'm in the wrong crowd here, but... i need to find some self respect and not depend on someone else to give it to me. (because they seldom do)"
posted at 20:59:54 on July 11, 2009 by IronSmile
incest and sexual abuse survivors?    
"wondering if there are any others in here..."
posted at 21:01:48 on July 11, 2009 by IronSmile
I hope you're still here    
"I think that you are very brave to tell your story and be very open. It is hard. From my experience I found that because of abuse as a child it affected my relationship with my husband. I didn't feel wanted or loved or safe. I didn't feel worthy of his love. It is something that I have spent years confronting and healing. I had to come to terms that it was not my fault. I did not invite it, I did not want it and there was no reason for me to carry it any longer. The Savior paid the price for my pain long ago. It was ti
me to let go. So I began to let go as much as I could at a time. It takes time but it's ok. You are so not alone! It is just a hard thing for victims to talk about...even anonymously. I think you are incredibly brave!"
posted at 07:17:36 on January 28, 2014 by Anonymous
Dear Ironsmile    
"Many sex addicts are survivors of sexual abuse. You are not alone. You Can recover. What's helped me is going to SA meetings and getting a sponsor. I am also a woman, by the way. A married woman. SA has helped me figure out how to let God in to help me.

There is hope. Hang in there."
posted at 08:24:20 on February 2, 2014 by Anonymous
Bummer    
"...no one responded 5 years ago. I hope you found the help you were looking for. I assure you, you are not alone :)"
posted at 12:55:39 on February 3, 2014 by they_speak


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